I can't be a PA anymore

[medgirl13]

Listen I'm a terrible PA and I should not be practicing medicine

I'm about to come across as very harsh, maybe, because I'm a little bitter. I was finally able later in life to pursue a lifelong dream of working in medicine that previously just was not made possible to me. After graduating summa cum laude with my degree in biomedical science and tons of hours on the administrative side of Medicine, I applied for and was accepted to interview for admission into PA program. However, I was wait-listed. My belief is that I just did not look as good on paper as some of the other younger students who to call up the right steps to be as attractive as possible for the admissions process. Now I am attempting to make myself more attractive going the EMS route. I just wanted to give a little background on me before saying what I was going to say. Suck it up! Do something proactive about your feelings of inadequacy. You were lucky enough to get admitted into PA School and gritty enough to complete it. We all do not get that opportunity. Do not waste the opportunity that you received. Turn these feelings that you're having into a learning experience and grow from them.

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[camoman1234]

8 hours ago, medgirl13 said:

I'm about to come across as very harsh, maybe, because I'm a little bitter. I was finally able later in life to pursue a lifelong dream of working in medicine that previously just was not made possible to me. After graduating summa cum laude with my degree in biomedical science and tons of hours on the administrative side of Medicine, I applied for and was accepted to interview for admission into PA program. However, I was wait-listed. My belief is that I just did not look as good on paper as some of the other younger students who to call up the right steps to be as attractive as possible for the admissions process. Now I am attempting to make myself more attractive going the EMS route. I just wanted to give a little background on me before saying what I was going to say. Suck it up! Do something proactive about your feelings of inadequacy. You were lucky enough to get admitted into PA School and gritty enough to complete it. We all do not get that opportunity. Do not waste the opportunity that you received. Turn these feelings that you're having into a learning experience and grow from them.

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That sounds all good and stuff, but not everyone wants to stay/be in medicine like yourself. Just because one got accepted and finished PA/NP/DO/MD/PT/AT/OT/DMD does not mean they should suck it up just because someone like yourself is having trouble getting into a program. I may come over as very harsh, but I could careless about YOUR struggles when I am dealing with my own. The OP is struggling with issues of their own, your "suck it up just because I am having troubles getting into PA school" has not context into the OPs issue(s) of medicine. 

[boli]

I think much of the frustration expressed by commenters to the OP stems from the verbiage of “I’m not qualified to practice medicine” etc. OP, you passed boards and graduated PA school. You are, by definition, qualified to do what you’re doing.

But, if you don’t like it, or don’t feel actualized etc that’s something different. Maybe you’re the type of person that wants to punch a clock, get a paycheck and not have to think that hard. I don’t know, but I do know that you probably have 50ish years of life left on this earth and you shouldn’t spend them doing something you hate. Maybe try a different specialty or get out of medicine entirely.


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[medgirl13]

That sounds all good and stuff, but not everyone wants to stay/be in medicine like yourself. Just because one got accepted and finished PA/NP/DO/MD/PT/AT/OT/DMD does not mean they should suck it up just because someone like yourself is having trouble getting into a program. I may come over as very harsh, but I could careless about YOUR struggles when I am dealing with my own. The OP is struggling with issues of their own, your "suck it up just because I am having troubles getting into PA school" has not context into the OPs issue(s) of medicine. 

My point in this was that I could possibly be bitter and that be reflected in my response; BUT, I did suck it up and become proactive in making myself more attractive for the selection process instead of wallowing. Another point was that NOT EVERYBODY receives the opportunity to pursue this dream and a spot that could have remained open for an individual with a true passion and calling for this field was taken by someone who is choosing to give up after TWO YEARS. Good lord, that is not enough time to make that consequential of a choice!

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[Guest JMPA]

What do you call a doctor who graduated at the bottom of his class?

[pennpac]

35 minutes ago, JMPA said:

What do you call a doctor who graduated at the bottom of his class?

Doctor ;p

[BruceBanner]

2 hours ago, medgirl13 said:

My point in this was that I could possibly be bitter and that be reflected in my response; BUT, I did suck it up and become proactive in making myself more attractive for the selection process instead of wallowing. Another point was that NOT EVERYBODY receives the opportunity to pursue this dream and a spot that could have remained open for an individual with a true passion and calling for this field was taken by someone who is choosing to give up after TWO YEARS. Good lord, that is not enough time to make that consequential of a choice!

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^Irrelevant. PA-Cs arent "taking spots"----we paid our dues and own our spots. Whether we leave after 1 day or 50 years is inconsequential. You get to earn yours too.

Listen OP,

First identify if you really hate medicine itself or if you just feel incompetent. The feeling (or reality) of incompetence could make anyone hate their work. This is a learn-on-the-job profession. It takes a long time before you feel like you belong, and everyone---even docs---has days where they feel like a hack.

I agree with others that 2 years is a little premature to throw in the towel, but if you've hated it this whole time there may be something deeper here.

Medicine often sucks, and it's ok if you truly feel that way. There is good and bad, and for many of us the bad outweighs the good. You are not alone, I promise you that.

The sad irony is you dont know what you dont know when you are a student. There is just no other corollary. You are looking at distant lands, and when you get there it's hard to get out.

[Wish1pa]

I'm really curious to hear more as to why you have these feelings/came to this realization. OP are you still checking this thread?

[camoman1234]

9 hours ago, medgirl13 said:

My point in this was that I could possibly be bitter and that be reflected in my response; BUT, I did suck it up and become proactive in making myself more attractive for the selection process instead of wallowing. Another point was that NOT EVERYBODY receives the opportunity to pursue this dream and a spot that could have remained open for an individual with a true passion and calling for this field was taken by someone who is choosing to give up after TWO YEARS. Good lord, that is not enough time to make that consequential of a choice!

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We all don't know when we go into medicine if we like it or not and that goes with any career choice. What do you propose would be an adequate amount of time to be unhappy? 

[medgirl13]

We all don't know when we go into medicine if we like it or not and that goes with any career choice. What do you propose would be an adequate amount of time to be unhappy? 

I did not catch that the problem was unhappiness but more a sense of defeat over feeling that the performance wasn't adequate. It takes time to get into a groove in ANY profession. Two years in, especially with only, what...2 specialties?...is just not allowing enough time or acclimation to make that monumental of a decision.
So, maybe....i should have said 'I get it. It's terrifying to feel this way. You would not be in the position you are right now if you didn't have perseverance built into your character. Utilize THAT to stick it out long enough to get enough experience to make a more informed decision.' I don't know the magic number, but I truly believe 2 years into it is far too soon to throw in the towell.

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[ctPA0307]

On 10/26/2017 at 3:57 PM, Wish1pa said:

I'm really curious to hear more as to why you have these feelings/came to this realization. OP are you still checking this thread?

Yup still checking it

[ctPA0307]

I appreciate everyone's advice and comments. I'm still trying figure out what I'm doing. If I had a job offer in a non-medical field that allowed me to pay rent and my loans I'd take it and quit my current job right this minute. I've looked for jobs in other fields but nothing interests me and I don't feel qualified to be a PA anyway. At least at my current job I have an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing. I do CMEs in all different fields in order to keep up general knowledge but also to find maybe find something I could get into, but nothing interests me. I used to be interested in medicine when I was younger but now it's a struggle to read about it. Which bothers me because in order to be more knowledgeable I have to do CMEs/read up on topics.  

[MaryFred]

21 minutes ago, ctalbot0521 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice and comments. I'm still trying figure out what I'm doing. If I had a job offer in a non-medical field that allowed me to pay rent and my loans I'd take it and quit my current job right this minute. I've looked for jobs in other fields but nothing interests me and I don't feel qualified to be a PA anyway. At least at my current job I have an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing. I do CMEs in all different fields in order to keep up general knowledge but also to find maybe find something I could get into, but nothing interests me. I used to be interested in medicine when I was younger but now it's a struggle to read about it. Which bothers me because in order to be more knowledgeable I have to do CMEs/read up on topics.  

When you say "nothing interests me" and "I used to be interested in medicine", it there anything that does interest you or that you would want to do?  Is it possible that you are just not in a good place in your life and it is affecting you outlook on everything else?

[MCHAD]

14 hours ago, ctalbot0521 said:

I appreciate everyone's advice and comments. I'm still trying figure out what I'm doing. If I had a job offer in a non-medical field that allowed me to pay rent and my loans I'd take it and quit my current job right this minute. I've looked for jobs in other fields but nothing interests me and I don't feel qualified to be a PA anyway. At least at my current job I have an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing. I do CMEs in all different fields in order to keep up general knowledge but also to find maybe find something I could get into, but nothing interests me. I used to be interested in medicine when I was younger but now it's a struggle to read about it. Which bothers me because in order to be more knowledgeable I have to do CMEs/read up on topics.  

In all honesty you need to see mental health care.  Just based on your comments on this thread fwiw it sound like classic depression/anxiety

[medgirl13]

I appreciate everyone's advice and comments. I'm still trying figure out what I'm doing. If I had a job offer in a non-medical field that allowed me to pay rent and my loans I'd take it and quit my current job right this minute. I've looked for jobs in other fields but nothing interests me and I don't feel qualified to be a PA anyway. At least at my current job I have an idea of what I'm supposed to be doing. I do CMEs in all different fields in order to keep up general knowledge but also to find maybe find something I could get into, but nothing interests me. I used to be interested in medicine when I was younger but now it's a struggle to read about it. Which bothers me because in order to be more knowledgeable I have to do CMEs/read up on topics.  

I'm sorry I posted so harshly before...it is horrible to struggle with uncertainty in any walk in life, even more so in your chosen profession. Do you have a mentor you could speak to regarding this? I wish you the best. Coming from an older person who lives with regrets regarding professional decisions made early on, please talk about this to someone who can guide you before making a permanent decision.

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[EMEDPA]

a note about residencies: the big city ones likely get a million applications....there are many in out of the way places. yes, you may have to move to Iowa or Syracuse, NY etc. Apply to 5 and you should get into one if you are a good candidate.

[Patho]

There's probably a lot more to the story. But keep job searching, you never know when the right job description might show. There's a PA job in balitmore Maryland that is 50% quality/safety assurance and 50% doing follow up patient education, mostly by phone to make sure pts know how to take meds, use medical devices, etc so they don't get readmitted. A friend of mine was in this position for a couple of months before deciding it was too boring and moved on so now they're looking for someone else who won't mind the slow pace of the job. Like others have said, drug rep, medical equipment rep (meet a PA who did this when i was doing Sx rotation), maybe even research are all possibilities. There are many medical providers who are now in other fields like public health, management, and private companies.

Also, PAs are starting to take more nonclinical executive roles in some places. My manager and his boss are both PA-C but they don't practice. Hang in there, job prospects will only increase for PAs.

 

 

[ventana]

I worked in IR and loved the technical side of it, but disliked that I could not use my Dx brain

 

If you dislike the Dx brain side, try IR

[Cideous]

I think people are reading way to much into the OP’s post.  It is not strange at all that someone goes through PA (or medical) school, gets out and just hates medicine.  While in school there is a general feeling that things will get better once they graduate, only to find out they don't.

 This person was really asking what else they can do with a PA degree, a common question on these boards.  The answer is “not much”.  At least without going back to school.  I had a friend who got out of PA school and hated clinical medicine.  He went back and got an MBA and has worked in medical sales since.  He said the thought of seeing patients literally made him sick, but did not realize that until after PA school.  It happens.  Funny enough, only about half of my original PA class still practices.  Most just got burned out and quit medicine or like me only work part time.

So don’t be so quick to tell this person they have depression/anxiety issues.  They might, but they also might just hate medicine.

[ctPA0307]

On 11/11/2017 at 0:42 PM, Cideous said:

I think people are reading way to much into the OP’s post.  It is not strange at all that someone goes through PA (or medical) school, gets out and just hates medicine.  While in school there is a general feeling that things will get better once they graduate, only to find out they don't.

 This person was really asking what else they can do with a PA degree, a common question on these boards.  The answer is “not much”.  At least without going back to school.  I had a friend who got out of PA school and hated clinical medicine.  He went back and got an MBA and has worked in medical sales since.  He said the thought of seeing patients literally made him sick, but did not realize that until after PA school.  It happens.  Funny enough, only about half of my original PA class still practices.  Most just got burned out and quit medicine or like me only work part time.

So don’t be so quick to tell this person they have depression/anxiety issues.  They might, but they also might just hate medicine.

I've been trying rack my brain on what I can do with this degree but like you said not much. It's difficult, I don't think I have the time or money for going back to school. There aren't many programs that offer nights and/or weekends. I'd have to take out more loans. I'd need help organizing pursuing this option, does anyone have advice on who to contact?

In all honesty, I hate every physician I work with. I mean hate with every fiber of my being. They all walk around with this facade that they give a shit about the patients or their work but in reality they couldn't give a shit less. They care more about doing as little work as possible than truly helping the patient. One doc acts like he cares and prides himself in "knowing" the patient. However he couldn't tell you what meds the patient is on even after following them for a week or what they're diagnoses are. The head physician knows this doc is useless (even using him as an example to tell me how I should NOT practice) yet does nothing about it. The previous place I was in only wanted me there to make more money and played cover your ass medicine so much that I had to do 6-10 peer to peer reviews a day to get coverage for the extraneous testing. This isn't putting blame on the physicians but it doesn't help and I just needed to vent

If I change career paths- drug rep, work for ME, etc. I could apply for income based repayment now (currently on regular 10 year plan) then I wouldn't have to make a payment for a year. In that year I could pay off the smaller amounts and save up some before I take a big salary cut. I don't know.... does this sound like a feasible plan?

[kmash]

You need a social support system, a mentor, and to someone to encourage you.  There's no harm is seeking mental health services if you feel stuck.  It's okay to ask questions, it's okay to not know, and it's okay to reach out for help (further than this forum).  It's how people thrive in life.  Success is not a solo mission, even for the most arrogant providers.  They might want to create that perception, but everyone looks up to someone else. 

[HMtoPA]

On 10/17/2017 at 8:31 AM, sas5814 said:

If he didn't or anything worsened in any way go to the ER. The next morning I checked and they had gone to the ER. Benzo overdose. The babysitter drugged the kid so she wouldn't have to watch him. Never crossed my mind. It was a hard miss and I'm smarter for it and the kid is going to be fine.

Just an aside, but this is one of the things that appeals to me about potential ED work - the wide array of diagnostics close at hand. If this kid had come through my FM clinic, and I had thought of it - I could've ordered a UDS. But it would've been kind of a pain (suprapubic tap?), results probably would've been slow coming, etc. At the ED it's like they just routinely go crazy with labs and imaging - it's a bit algorithmic, but the sheer quantity of data available for clinical correlation dwarfs what I get on a given patient. And I may wait days for a lab. In the end I do have to act on a lot of hunches, which I think has made me a more considered clinician, but it sure can be risky.

[sillycibin]

Have you read up on impostor syndrome?  Your feelings aren't that unusual.  Medicine is complex.  There are plenty of areas in medicine to explore.  If you don't like giving advice you could try to find a position just first assisting in the OR or just doing IR procedures.  I've seen positions where all you do is pre-op H&Ps.  You can also go into administration.  It can take some effort since you have to challenge the entrenched nurse hierarchy.

[sillycibin]

On 11/12/2017 at 6:35 PM, ctalbot0521 said:

I've been trying rack my brain on what I can do with this degree but like you said not much. It's difficult, I don't think I have the time or money for going back to school. There aren't many programs that offer nights and/or weekends. I'd have to take out more loans. I'd need help organizing pursuing this option, does anyone have advice on who to contact?

In all honesty, I hate every physician I work with. I mean hate with every fiber of my being. They all walk around with this facade that they give a shit about the patients or their work but in reality they couldn't give a shit less. They care more about doing as little work as possible than truly helping the patient. One doc acts like he cares and prides himself in "knowing" the patient. However he couldn't tell you what meds the patient is on even after following them for a week or what they're diagnoses are. The head physician knows this doc is useless (even using him as an example to tell me how I should NOT practice) yet does nothing about it. The previous place I was in only wanted me there to make more money and played cover your ass medicine so much that I had to do 6-10 peer to peer reviews a day to get coverage for the extraneous testing. This isn't putting blame on the physicians but it doesn't help and I just needed to vent

If I change career paths- drug rep, work for ME, etc. I could apply for income based repayment now (currently on regular 10 year plan) then I wouldn't have to make a payment for a year. In that year I could pay off the smaller amounts and save up some before I take a big salary cut. I don't know.... does this sound like a feasible plan?

Wow.  Red flags here.  You need to get into a new environment with better more supportive doctors.

[ventana]

after 72 replies I am lost

 

can the OP provide the cliff note version....