Feeling like I have a good PS to work with now. Thoughts?

[TheLastStone]

I've been working hard on my PS. I trashed my first one and rewrote a complete new one, and this is what I've revised a few times, so I'm curious what others think. Any feedback would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks! I'll attach it below, so just click on the file! 

Personal Statement version 3.docx

[LadyNichiavelli]

Without even looking at your PS yet, I'll say definitely keep an open mind about your PS. You have a full 2 years of new experiences that you'll have and should definitely add to your PS down the road. I'm fact, if I were you, I would avoid even starting my PS until the semester before the CASPA cycle I'd be applying to. You may think that you have plenty of experiences now, but I guarantee you adcoms will want to know about the most recent you--as a student and a more experienced EMT.

[TheLastStone]

8 minutes ago, NikkiO said:

Without even looking at your PS yet, I'll say definitely keep an open mind about your PS. You have a full 2 years of new experiences that you'll have and should definitely add to your PS down the road. I'm fact, if I were you, I would avoid even starting my PS until the semester before the CASPA cycle I'd be applying to. You may think that you have plenty of experiences now, but I guarantee you adcoms will want to know about the most recent you--as a student and a more experienced EMT.

I definitely understand where you're coming from and what you're saying, and I appreciate it. I knew, by no means, that I'd be submitting this exact copy, but I've had some time on my hands, and taking other people's advice, I decided to try and atleast get a good foundation to work with. But I definitely get what you're saying. And odds are that I would probably end up rewriting a good chunk of it, but just wanted to see what people thought of this.

[mmchick]

Skimmed through it, lots of spelling and grammatical errors for one. I think that you have a couple of good ideas you could focus your PS on (your father, being a first gen'r, EMT experience, etc.) but it's all over the place at current. Also be sure not to use vernacular language - your audience is a very formal crowd that you're trying to impress. I think this is a decent rough draft, but your focus should be way more direct and the entire PS needs to be a little less "resume-explainy".

Good ideas, lots to work on in terms of PS development. Good luck.

[majetito]

The strongest point of your PS is your relationship with your father your senior year in High school. I would honestly start the PS there.

"Dropping out of high school was something I never planned..."

Continue sharing your journey in medicine to where you are today. If there are specific patient interactions you have had as an EMT....share them! Paint more pictures with stories and not so much "resumeish" of let me list all the reasons why I desire to be a PA.

There were many grammatical and spelling errors. (e.g. "new" vs "knew" and commas lacking or needed). 

That aside. I respect you for taking care of your father during that time. 

Good luck to you!

[ajames]

Since you are so fortunate enough to still be in school, you can utilize pre-health advisors to assist further with your essay as well as English tutors which can thoroughly help identify grammatical errors and ways to make your sentences dynamic. You have such a long time ahead of you before you start your PA application journey that you will most definitely have new experiences to add and perhaps, even a completely different essay than you've already drafted but at least you have the bones to build from. 

[TheLastStone]

2 hours ago, ajames said:

Since you are so fortunate enough to still be in school, you can utilize pre-health advisors to assist further with your essay as well as English tutors which can thoroughly help identify grammatical errors and ways to make your sentences dynamic. You have such a long time ahead of you before you start your PA application journey that you will most definitely have new experiences to add and perhaps, even a completely different essay than you've already drafted but at least you have the bones to build from. 

Yea, I've decided to keep it where it is, and to not touch it anymore. I'm just going to let the journey play out. Can't rush time! I still really appreciate your help :)

[kargiver]

Too many directions without the passion as to why you want to be a PA.  Grammatical and structural errors aside - you need to focus more, develop more, and parse back to the essence of why you want to be a PA.  Every word counts - use them wisely.  But you have decent material with which to work.

G