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PS critique please

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Hi all, 

I was hoping to get some reviews on my personal statement. I've written two, and then kinda merged them. I had a college English professor review both of them and she liked the first one, but I feel the second one is more of what PA schools are looking for. 


If anyone could help me out read the second one (possibly even the first if you'd like) and let me know what I can do to improve it, that would be amazing! 

Please PM me so I can send it to you. It looks as if there is a plagiarism issue going on... 


Thanks in advance! 




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