A piece of my PS, would love some feedback, since I have so many ideas of what to use

[2full2eat]

Hey guys! I hope i can get some feedback on this. Its not a completed statement, but instead of a final critique, id like a critique of how I'm starting this personal statement.

 

 

“Where is Wanda today?” I asked. “Wanda is in her room, she is still sick.” said one of the residents. At the end of my work day, I went down to see Wanda to see how she was doing. Out of the 15 residents I worked with, Wanda showed the most initiative and the most motivation to progress within the wellness program. When I walked into Wanda’s room she was in bed where she has been for almost a week sick with pneumonia. She spoke slowly, apologizing for missing her time with me. “That’s ok Wanda, just get better.” I said to her. The next time I was in for work I found out that Wanda had been transferred from her room in the nursing home, to the hospital nearby to treat her. She was not doing very well, and having been in the hospital, I thought she would be back into rehabilitation with me again soon. Needless to say, I was wrong, Wanda had died from the pneumonia days after being transferred to the hospital. This was the first time I had ever been a part of a healthcare team, knowing someone that I was caring for had died, and I was completely unable to help her.

 

 

Since working in a nursing home working with bariatric residents for only one year total, three of the residents I had worked with, and seen 6 days a week, had died, and one diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This is what turned my decision from becoming a physical therapist to a desire to work in medicine. From all of my experience in the healthcare field, I knew that I enjoyed being able to get to know the patients I worked with. Being able to get to know the patient, makes it all the more enjoyable to go into work the next time. This is something I wanted to be able to keep should I enter into medicine, which is what made me decide against becoming a physician, and encouraged my decision to become a physician assistant.

[2full2eat]

Hey guys! I hope i can get some feedback on this. Its not a completed statement, but instead of a final critique, id like a critique of how I'm starting this personal statement.

 

 

“Where is Wanda today?” I asked. “Wanda is in her room, she is still sick.” said one of the residents. At the end of my work day, I went down to see Wanda to see how she was doing. Out of the 15 residents I worked with, Wanda showed the most initiative and the most motivation to progress within the wellness program. When I walked into Wanda’s room she was in bed where she has been for almost a week sick with pneumonia. She spoke slowly, apologizing for missing her time with me. “That’s ok Wanda, just get better.” I said to her. The next time I was in for work I found out that Wanda had been transferred from her room in the nursing home, to the hospital nearby to treat her. She was not doing very well, and having been in the hospital, I thought she would be back into rehabilitation with me again soon. Needless to say, I was wrong, Wanda had died from the pneumonia days after being transferred to the hospital. This was the first time I had ever been a part of a healthcare team, knowing someone that I was caring for had died, and I was completely unable to help her.

 

 

Since working in a nursing home working with bariatric residents for only one year total, three of the residents I had worked with, and seen 6 days a week, had died, and one diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This is what turned my decision from becoming a physical therapist to a desire to work in medicine. From all of my experience in the healthcare field, I knew that I enjoyed being able to get to know the patients I worked with. Being able to get to know the patient, makes it all the more enjoyable to go into work the next time. This is something I wanted to be able to keep should I enter into medicine, which is what made me decide against becoming a physician, and encouraged my decision to become a physician assistant.

[Just Steve]

in a word? Wordy.

 

I can appreciate the sentiment, but it's a lot of bytes used that isn't telling us much about you. That's a story about Wanda. PS is YOUR story...tell us about you.

[Just Steve]

in a word? Wordy.

 

I can appreciate the sentiment, but it's a lot of bytes used that isn't telling us much about you. That's a story about Wanda. PS is YOUR story...tell us about you.

[GatorRRT]

Considering you're already a physical therapist with I'm assuming an advanced degree, I would really focus on why you specifically want to change careers. x2 what Steve said as well

[GatorRRT]

Considering you're already a physical therapist with I'm assuming an advanced degree, I would really focus on why you specifically want to change careers. x2 what Steve said as well

[mktalon]

Being able to get to know the patient, makes it all the more enjoyable to go into work the next time. This is something I wanted to be able to keep should I enter into medicine, which is what made me decide against becoming a physician, and encouraged my decision to become a physician assistant.

 

If you really believe that physician assistants have so much more time with their patients to develop meaningful relationships with them than do physicians, then by all means leave this line in there. However, even if some PAs actually get more time with their patients than their physician counterparts, you might really turn off some adcoms with generalizations like this. And if you are hanging your hat on that one thing as your reason to be a PA and not a Physician, it may just come back to bite you.