PLEASE HELP - Critique with personal statement and over 5,000 characters

[MaryFred]

Please help.  I keep writing and re-writing and it gets worse each time.  Any and all advice welcome.

 

 

[jaygaz]

As someone who is reading it for the first time, I think you do a great job of explaining why you want to be a PA and what led you to make that decision. That said, the places I think that you could trim off some text would be

 

1. The second paragraph. I don't think you need to narrate your entire inner struggle about deciding what you want to do. I think it's more important to get straight to point of what you want to do and why.

2. The paragraph that begins with "A central theme in scientific research is trying to prove or disprove a hypothesis.." I don't think you need to teach them what scientific research is, and I began to lose interest a little during this paragraph. It seems a little out of place.

 

Also, in the last paragraph, change "lead" to "led" 

 

Hope that helps! Good luck!