Personal Statement -Hoping for some honest criticism

[ptt10]

          My family immigrated to the US with aspirations of pursuing the American dream common to many other non-US born residents. With hopes of obtaining good jobs and educational opportunities for my brother and I, my parents worked to rebuild a life and sense of normality for us. Being financially disadvantaged, we were ignorant to healthcare and saw it as a luxury that we had to do without. Apart from routine visits to my overly crowded health department for vaccinations, no one in my family followed with a primary provider. Not until I reached high school did I have a formal physical that led to the diagnosis that has shaped the trajectory of my professional and educational goals as a physician assistant (PA).

          I was diagnosed with idiopathic scoliosis with a worsening lumbar curvature that would warrant surgical correction. I was consumed with regret and anger about the lack of action taken in the past that led to my “disfigurement” that would lead to a heavy financial burden on my family. If I followed with yearly check ups like my peers, maybe my scoliosis could have been diagnosed early and noninvasive options made available. Through the understanding guidance of my diagnosing physician, I was referred to Shriner’s Hospital for Children where I was fortunate to receive medical care despite my family’s inability to pay. At Shriner’s, I made the hardest yet best decision I could for myself. Despite the aggressive nature of surgery, my transition from diagnosis, admission, discharge, and eventually a full recovery allowed me to experience the meaning of true patient-centered care.

            This August will mark 10 years since my spinal fusion. My surgical scar serves as a symbol of my personal medical journey and a way for me to empathize with my patients. Since learning of the PA profession, I’ve sought out healthcare opportunities and have continued to take core science classes to prove my resilience to overcome academic inconsistency from my early undergraduate career. I currently work as a surgical unit patient care technician (PCT) at a community owned hospital where I aid in the nursing care of a patients from varying socioeconomic backgrounds. Working as a PCT has reinforced the ideals I’ve built about the importance of disease driven and patient centered healthcare since my own surgery as well as solidified my hopes of becoming a well rounded PA. My unit admits patients from a wide demographic including inmates and the homeless. As an extension of a healthcare team, I take it upon myself to uphold ethical standards even when faced with the challenge of caring for convicted felons. I’ve learned to overlook past convictions and devote my care to each patient with compassion, sympathy, and respect. To this day, I’ll never forget the feeling of being signed a simple thank you from a deaf inmate who, while bound with handcuffs, would crouch in fetal position seeking relief from the pain caused by metastatic cancer.  

           Since serving as a PCT, I’ve also watched the same patients being readmitted, many with similar trends in medical history and poor control of their chronic diseases. One patient in particular, Ms. Smith (pseudonym), whose diabetes has left her visually impaired was walking with minimal assistance upon my initial meeting with her only one year ago. Since then, she has been readmitted for an infected foot ulcer that that eventually lead to the amputation of her leg. Ms. Smith has become a total care patient, bed bound, and requiring assistance with mundane daily tasks such as eating, toileting, and bathing. The time I spent with her through multiple admissions, allowed me to fully devote myself to patient care and gave me the opportunity to learn about Ms. Smith beyond her diagnosis.

            The circumstances surrounding my late diagnosis as well as caring for patients like Ms. Smith who suffer from poor maintenance of their conditions, have cemented my desire to work as a PA with hopes of serving underserved populations. Through shadowing, I’ve watched PAs assess, diagnose, and treat patients with great autonomy while working with physicians through trust and unity. My background as a primary care scribe has also exposed me to the medical model of practice while also highlighting the importance and demand for midlevel practitioners, as I served in a practice with one sole provider. The unique role as a PA would allow me to quickly adapt to changing healthcare settings as well as dedicate my efforts towards preventative care and patient education. As a PA, I would be able to provide care for those that truly need it most.

 

[Alfrid]

Your essay is very well written overall! Some small things to point out: keep your phrases and terms consistent. You use "patient-centered" twice, but once with a hyphen and once without it. Make sure to keep that consistent. Also, avoid using contractions (I'm, I've, they're, can't, etc.) since this is a formal statement and you want it to sound professional. I don't know what your word count is, but if you can I'd separate your part about being a medical scribe and shadowing into separate paragraphs, rather than putting it in the conclusion because it sounds like you kind of just tossed it in there in the end without really thinking about it. I'd mention earlier in your essay your scribing/shadowing experiences and maybe for your conclusion reiterate (in different words) why you want to be a PA and that you understand what they do vs. an MD or NP. 

 

Just my two cents. I know it's kind of hard to rearrange things and phrase them differently, but if you have room, I'm sure one or two more paragraphs would be okay.

[paproof]

Spend a little more time proving you are familiar with the PA profession and what it entails.  Consider using a shadowing experience to prove this point.