Can a personal statement break me?

[tuxedosheep]

Hi all,

I submitted my application a month and a half ago, and I wrote my own personal statement. It was genuine, and I edited it several times. I had my husband look over it, but admittedly no one else. That being said, I looked over the helpful hints blog, and I feel that I have made some mistakes. As the title says, can a mediocre personal statement break my application in most cases? I know there is nothing I can do about it since it is submitted, but I'm happy to get some tips and advice to increase my chances of getting in the next cycle.

Here are my stats:

Overall GPA: 3.95
Science GPA: 3.76
Verified 5/17/16
GRE: 311-- 160 Verbal, 151 Quant, 5.0 Writing
I have 2200+ hrs of direct patient care experience as a medical assistant at a clinic and as a diet technician in a hospital.
1100+ hrs of healthcare related experience, by working as a clinical administrative assistant, volunteering at hospitals, attending Grand Rounds through my hospital network.
30+ hrs of shadowing practitioners, one of which is a PA; includes watching surgeries
200+ hrs of volunteer service as a co-director my church's youth group, mission trip to Penasco, NM, member of the Christian Education Committee at my church, volunteer at a multi-cultural, low-income local elementary school in my hometown, member of two service fraternities in college
3 letters of recommendation: one from a PA, one from my clinical supervisor, and one from a college professor of Anatomy of Physiology
I have a bachelor of science in Biology; graduated May 2014.
I can speak and write Spanish at an intermediate level.
I am a 24 year old hispanic/white female.
I have not participated in any clinical research. I was a lab member in a study involving bats.

I'm applying to Oklahoma City University, Baylor College of Medicine, University of North Texas HS Center Ft Worth, University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston, UT Southwestern, University of Oklahoma at Tulsa, and Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center, a total of 7 schools.


And my personal statement:

"Why I Want to Become a Physician Assistant"

"When you come in smiling, I feel better too," the patient had said with a smile. He was recovering from a recent spinal surgery at the hospital, and had just courageously finished with physical therapy for the day. I had noticed his struggle during his walking session—gait unsteady, slow and labored. He must have been exhausted. After physical therapy sat him down comfortably back in his room, I prepared myself to come in. Smile on my face, I knocked and made a couple steps inside. But before a single word escaped me to begin our nutrition evaluation, he remarked, "You know you're making a difference, just with that smile," with a big grin of his own. Surprised and likely pink in the face, I thanked him. I was too stunned to come up with any other response. Here was a man with every reason to frown and focus on his own troubles, and yet-- he ended up helping me. It had been a challenging day at the hospital, seeing a patient of mine in a state of deterioration due to a brutal journey with brain cancer. The unexpected beauty in that moment took my breath away and left me to tears in the nearest bathroom later. They were not tears of sadness, nor tears of joy. They were tears that confirmed I was in the right place.

There truly is no other field like the medical field. My journey began with an interest in psychiatry, to optometry, to dietetics, and now to the place where I firmly believe I belong—the vast, unique world of the physician assistant. A gift of human connection and a respect for the chance to have a healthy balance of career and family brought me here. I want to invest in a career that provides me with opportunities to experience humanity in a deep and meaningful way, and still leaves me with a choice to invest in my own personal slice of humanity at home. I believe the physician assistant role fulfills these desires wholesomely. Being a physician assistant would offer me the chance to practice medicine in an intimate environment that encourages genuine human connection. In the medical field, we are gifted with the opportunity to experience and support people in their most vulnerable moments. We share in patients' deepest fears to their greatest joys, from the dread of starting chemotherapy to the birth of a beautiful, healthy child. I've been gifted with many opportunities to experience this connection myself, for example, by offering my hand on the back of a tearful elderly woman whose husband was just referred to hospice care, or by clipping painful toenails for a patient who shed a tear of gratitude for relief when putting her shoes back on. I want to further and multiply these meaningful moments by pursuing the opportunity to be a leader of patient care.

 

While I am highly invested in meaningful and purposeful patient interactions, I am also dedicated to my future family. Each physician assistant I have spoken to praises the flexibility of this field. I value the respect for balance that this career can offer, if chosen. It is my belief that a healthy balance of career and family is a recipe for happiness, and therefore, this aspect of the physician assistant is one I also value greatly. Simultaneously, I understand that physician assistant school and practicing as a physician assistant is demanding and will require as much as I can possibly give. The task potentially before me is great, but my excitement for learning this art, my past medical experience, and my deep sense of purpose to follow this endeavor fills me with genuine enthusiasm and tangible motivation.

I feel confident that the role of physician assistant will give me a chance to give back to humanity on a daily basis, at work and at home. I want to hold the hands of a dying man, kiss my children daily, offer a listening ear to a sufferer of depression, enjoy Christmas day with my family, and offer people a chance to heal and perhaps find a sliver of peace in this life. "Thank you so much for everything you do," he adds after our nutrition consult. And that much is enough for me.



Let me know what y'all think. It is, what is now! Thanks.

 

[8404PA]

My knee jerk response is, "more or less, yes It may". Looking at your stats and reading your PS, I'm inclined to think you'll be fine. A 3.95/3.76 is higher than average and usually correlated with successful entry into programs when matched with good HCE and shadowing hours. Overall again, you seem very competitive and a good candidate :)

[tuxedosheep]

Good to know. I was beginning to think I tanked my application. I guess only time will tell! I'll be more aware for sure, if I have to do this again.

 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Tapatalk

[corpsman89]

Its my assumption after reading many posts that personal statements can play a factor in helping someone who may lack either GPA, GRE, or HCE--all of which you have, and above average as well (besides maybe HCE).

 

Your statement is pretty good in my opinion too. So I am not sure what there is to worry about.

 

You need to start worrying and focusing on interviews now, because you will get them.

 

Good luck,

 

-Greg

[fflores98]

With your stats I wouldn't worry. 

[jlumsden]

A bad essay can break an application.  However, your personal statement is well written, and your experience and academic record are great.  I would be surprised if you do not get an interview.