Neurobics Posted June 19, 2016 I took into consideration previous feedback and edited the last part of the essay to talk more specifically about my healthcare experience and the role of a PA. It's close to the 5000 character limit. What do you think? My first dream was to be a professional baseball player – and I was good too. Besides, what little boy hasn’t been excited by the idea of becoming a professional athlete? My choice quickly evolved into a paleontologist once I discovered the existence of fascinating prehistoric creatures called the Velociraptor and Tyrannosaurus rex. Of course, I may have had a little assistance in my discovery by the film Jurassic Park. Inevitably, my dream of dinosaurs matured into becoming a video game developer when I decided that the most fulfilling thing in my pre-teen life was staying up until sunrise with my best friends drinking Dr. Pepper and leveling up just a few more times. Then, as the hormones took effect and my artistic side began to develop, I started to crave the self-expression and social recognition enjoyed by lead singers of rock bands so I began taking voice lessons and spent four years in my high school’s chamber choir performing in concerts and musicals. I also took hip-hop, gymnastics, ballet, jazz, and modern dance classes while performing in dance shows with the dream of joining the elite Cirque du Soleil or some other form of a dance company. This was the same time that I consider to be the very beginning of my intellectual awakening when my intense curiosity and passion for learning and fundamental science began to emerge. I debated between majoring in dance, physiology, or physics when I went to college. Ultimately, I decided to pursue dance recreationally and put all of my effort into attempting to understand the fundamental nature of the universe and considered a future as a professor and theoretical physicist. During the time I was diligently studying nature through lower division mathematics, physics, chemistry, and biology, I became somewhat socially isolated due to my overall living situation and strong focus on academics. This was something I knew I wanted to change when I transferred to UCLA and led to my de-emphasis on the importance of straight A’s. I came to realize that learning to build a fulfilling social experience is an important aspect of a happy life, an avenue that I had been neglecting and clearly felt in my well-being as a result. I started to flourish in new ways and fell in love with the rewarding feeling of interacting and connecting with people. People. People and science were both passions of mine. But what kind of career can I pursue that is a good way to combine personal connection with others and the scientific method? Well – medicine. Medicine is a great option. I am particularly attracted to the role of a physician assistant because of its flexibility and lateral mobility. The ability to practice in a variety of healthcare specialties throughout the course of my career is very appealing to me, as I like variety. I know with certainty that I want to be in a work environment that is collaborative and based on teamwork with other healthcare professionals as I have realized the sense of fulfillment I get from such activities while working as a phlebotomist in the hospital. For example, one specific experience that comes to mind that exemplifies the team-based and collaborative nature of healthcare that I admire was when I was in the ICU at Banner University Medical Center working as a phlebotomist. It was my last patient after a ten-hour shift in the hospital that began at 2am. There was a young girl that was suffering from some sort of acute neurological issue and had just recently been admitted. The respiratory therapist and I were both attempting to draw blood and the patient was freaking out. The nurse had to put a medication through her IV to make her unconscious and stay still since whenever the girl started to wake up, she would panic in surprise that she was in the hospital and we would be unable to draw her blood because of all her movement. As the respiratory therapist drew blood on one arm and I drew blood cultures and a blue top from the other arm, the nurses told me the blue top was particularly critical because it was necessary to perform that test before the doctor could perform a lumbar puncture on this patient. The nurses tended to their own tasks and the neurologist questioned the boyfriend in the room, while the parents listened, to collect information he thought was important to assess the young girl’s situation and condition to make a potential diagnosis. Meanwhile, transport waited until we were finished drawing blood to take her to another location in the hospital to prepare her for another procedure. This moment made me especially aware of how important my job as a phlebotomist was and how we were all working together. I believe a future as a physician assistant will offer a great balance of collaboration, intellectual stimulation, variety, and compassion that will make for an outstandingly satisfying career and I would be delighted to contribute to the discipline.
danikiz Posted June 20, 2016 I am tired and out late tonight, so I apologize if this is rude in any way. It's not meant to be, and it's honestly similar advice to what a PA-C gave me two weeks ago about my own personal essay. I would dramatically shorten your "bait," and "switch" early to "Why PA?" They will get bored if your anecdotal zinger is more than a short paragraph. If you can shorten your initial paragraph and then "sprinkle" the idea behind it throughout your "Why PA?" portion, that would tie everything in more smoothly and give you a theme without appearing blocky. This is also my opinion, so please only take what you want to hear from this, and do not take any offense. I am merely critiquing a piece of work to my opinion of what is "good," and there isn't a standard for that yet. Talk less about the you before, talk more about the you now and the you that struggled to get to the you that is now. They want to hear about why you are unique, not about your past (who isn't you anymore). "I am particularly attracted to the role of a physician assistant because of its flexibility and lateral mobility." Get rid of this. Don't say that you like something, explain that you like it with an anecdote. "Volunteering for three different clinics, I saw a wide range of diagnoses and treatments. This encouraged me to seek out the physician assistant program, as I knew I wanted to learn it all and would not be happy choosing only one specialty." -- just off the top of my head, so it's not a great one, but there's an example. I would tell your example first, and then link it to "Why PA," rather than start with the explanation. That way, it tells a story instead of a common opinion they hear from all of us. I definitely want to hear more about your experiences in the medical field. What there made you want to be a PA? Figuring out you wanted to be in medicine is all fine and dandy, this is a specific program you're trying to get into. Why PA? I would honestly print out your paper, open a new document and put bullet points in it (or another piece of hard paper if that works better for you) * Zinger/Story - Childhood anecdote (do not list your every childhood fancy, choose key elements. You appeared to have a lot going on, which is awesome, but focus on the major aspects. Listing everything you did in childhood is not going to be interesting to these guys.) * Why PA? - Tie this into your story, or branch off from it into another story relating to medicine. The KEY reason you want to be a PA, and how you came about it. When did you KNOW? (Not Why Medicine?) * Educational, emotional, personal struggles? Why are you better now than before? What makes you unique? Why do they want to care about you? Acknowledge your faults, then show them you can move on and be the best you can be, and are motivated to do this. * Anything else? * Conclusion -- Tie it ALL together with a bang! Sidenote: Bullet points can be moved around within the body to create smoother flow, but make sure you keep your major story anecdote at the top, and that it does tie in with your overlying theme: lateral movement, teamwork, family, patient care, rural communities, etc. I hope this helps-- again, I am not trying to offend, and I hope you take everything I said with a grain of salt. Best of luck!
Neurobics Posted June 23, 2016 Author I am tired and out late tonight, so I apologize if this is rude in any way. It's not meant to be, and it's honestly similar advice to what a PA-C gave me two weeks ago about my own personal essay. I would dramatically shorten your "bait," and "switch" early to "Why PA?" They will get bored if your anecdotal zinger is more than a short paragraph. If you can shorten your initial paragraph and then "sprinkle" the idea behind it throughout your "Why PA?" portion, that would tie everything in more smoothly and give you a theme without appearing blocky. This is also my opinion, so please only take what you want to hear from this, and do not take any offense. I am merely critiquing a piece of work to my opinion of what is "good," and there isn't a standard for that yet. Talk less about the you before, talk more about the you now and the you that struggled to get to the you that is now. They want to hear about why you are unique, not about your past (who isn't you anymore). "I am particularly attracted to the role of a physician assistant because of its flexibility and lateral mobility." Get rid of this. Don't say that you like something, explain that you like it with an anecdote. "Volunteering for three different clinics, I saw a wide range of diagnoses and treatments. This encouraged me to seek out the physician assistant program, as I knew I wanted to learn it all and would not be happy choosing only one specialty." -- just off the top of my head, so it's not a great one, but there's an example. I would tell your example first, and then link it to "Why PA," rather than start with the explanation. That way, it tells a story instead of a common opinion they hear from all of us. I definitely want to hear more about your experiences in the medical field. What there made you want to be a PA? Figuring out you wanted to be in medicine is all fine and dandy, this is a specific program you're trying to get into. Why PA? I would honestly print out your paper, open a new document and put bullet points in it (or another piece of hard paper if that works better for you) * Zinger/Story - Childhood anecdote (do not list your every childhood fancy, choose key elements. You appeared to have a lot going on, which is awesome, but focus on the major aspects. Listing everything you did in childhood is not going to be interesting to these guys.) * Why PA? - Tie this into your story, or branch off from it into another story relating to medicine. The KEY reason you want to be a PA, and how you came about it. When did you KNOW? (Not Why Medicine?) * Educational, emotional, personal struggles? Why are you better now than before? What makes you unique? Why do they want to care about you? Acknowledge your faults, then show them you can move on and be the best you can be, and are motivated to do this. * Anything else? * Conclusion -- Tie it ALL together with a bang! Sidenote: Bullet points can be moved around within the body to create smoother flow, but make sure you keep your major story anecdote at the top, and that it does tie in with your overlying theme: lateral movement, teamwork, family, patient care, rural communities, etc. I hope this helps-- again, I am not trying to offend, and I hope you take everything I said with a grain of salt. Best of luck! Hey thanks I appreciate any and all feedback. I already submitted it though haha.
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