PA Draft #1 Need advice!!!!

[MullettHN]

As a child I strived to become something different than my parents. I was raised by a mother who suffered with drug addiction and a father that seemed to be interested in anything besides his two daughters. I searched for guidance and longed for something more than an empty fridge and a twin bed that I shared with my sister. In fifth grade I found that guidance, Mrs. Harley changed my life in more ways than one. She gave me hope that I still had the chance to attend college despite my background and the home I came from. I had always had a strong interest in school and gaining as much knowledge as I possibly could, and she saw that. She ignited my inner strength that persevered me to strive for a college education. Despite the fifteen different schools I attended, the constant belittling by my mother, the torture of her addiction and abusive relationships, I went for it. I moved out of my mother’s house at sixteen, I worked at a grocery store and a restaurant in order to pay my bills. I was the happiest that I had ever been, I finally had stability in my life. I managed to save enough money for college applications and thankfully received help for the SAT. I graduated from high school with honors and a 4.7 GPA, I was accepted into college. This was a time in my life where all my hard work paid off. I was the second person in my family to graduate from high school and the first to ever attend college.

 

I had an immense attraction to science and knew biology was my passion. I scheduled myself a rigorous course load and was ready to take the next step in my life. But there are always circumstances that make it that much harder. I received a phone call from my cousin who was sentenced to seven years in prison; he wanted me to obtain custody of his six year-old daughter Madison, who suffers from severe epilepsy. I struggled to make a decision, I questioned how I would be able to pursue my degree in biology, work two jobs and take care of a little girl with a disability. But I knew that no one else in our family was capable of taking care of her, I was her only option. I knew that my only chance at an education was to continue in the same direction. I was not the usual eighteen year-old college freshmen; I had responsibilities and an obligation to Madison. But she kept me focused and dedicated, what seemed to be the hardest most challenging time in my life was also the biggest blessing. I struggled with balancing my schedule and conjuring time to study, in the end my grades did suffer. I took sixteen to eighteen credit hours every semester, I took multiple sciences courses at a time, I worked two jobs, and took care of Madison and our apartment. I do have a few C’s on my transcript that I am not proud of, but I have to remind myself that a C does not define me as a student, but a time when my plate was just too full. I am currently a fifth year senior only to fix the C grades I have received. I want to show that I am capable of doing well in those courses.

 

The defining moment of why I wanted to become a Physician Assistant derived from a long stay at Cleveland Clinic. Madison was having uncontrollable seizures. It wasn’t until midnight when she finally fell asleep in her hospital bed, she finally seemed to be in peace. So I opened up my Immunology textbook and started studying, I had finals in two days. I was startled by a break in the silence; I walked to the door and peaked around the corned. I saw a young women sitting on the floor crying profusely. I walked over to her crouched down beside her and wrapped my arms around her, she cried on my shoulder for the next twenty minutes. She looked up at me wiped away her tears, stood up and smiled. She turned around and walked back into her young child’s room. I did the same. In that moment I knew where I was meant to be, the combination of the look on that young mothers face and the science that I was so passionate about, lead me to fall in love with the PA profession. It fulfilled my desire and created a longing for something greater.

 

I am at a point in my life where I am ready to focus on one thing only, becoming a physician assistant. I have used my experiences as motivation rather than an excuse, each day is a gift and a chance to become more than you were yesterday. I have lived my life by a quote from Francis Assisi, “ Start by doing what is necessary; then do what is possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” 

[Rea0431]

Hi there. A few suggestions...

 

The sentence: "In fifth grade I found that guidance, Mrs..." Should be a period, not a comma. There are a few other sentences where commas are misused or misplaced, just double check all of them. Also, I would suggest you draw a stronger connection to your experiences and why PA specifically. Why not Medical School or PT or OT? Did you do any PA shadowing? Perhaps add in what you admired about them or the experiences. I think you are an exceptional person and have a good chance of getting an interview, just focus your essay ending a bit, get those shadow or clinical hours and go for it! Good luck!

[tripleb]

From reading your statement, it is obvious that you are a very driven and caring individual. However, some parts need to be reorganized in order for the statement to flow better. 

The part about getting C's in school  and repeating classes is drawn out and can definitely be reduced. Instead, show that you understand the PA profession and are prepared for the duties that you will have to peform.

What about any patient care experience or health care expereince? When have you ever observed a PA at work? Why don't you want to become a doctor or other type of medical professional?

[MullettHN]

Thank you so much for the advice, I will do some revising and hopefully have someone look at my grammar. I will add a part about my PA shadowing and patient care experience! Thank you again it is much appreciated.