CHINESE GIRL TRYING TO APPLY TO PA SCHOOLS first draft please critique

[dyang8]

1

[Louisnlife]

dyang...For whatever reason I felt drawn to your essay. I understand your from China, and probably have to put forth the extra effort to word your essay just how you want. Even I have problems and I born here in America. Anyway overall a compassionate and personal account. The only thing is grammatical errors throughout the essay. Let me know, and if you want I can let you know what areas need fixing. For example, first sentence of 2nd paragraph should say "my beloved family and I". Lot of little things like that. Dont give 

[dyang8]

dyang...For whatever reason I felt drawn to your essay. I understand your from China, and probably have to put forth the extra effort to word your essay just how you want. Even I have problems and I born here in America. Anyway overall a compassionate and personal account. The only thing is grammatical errors throughout the essay. Let me know, and if you want I can let you know what areas need fixing. For example, first sentence of 2nd paragraph should say "my beloved family and I". Lot of little things like that. Dont give 

Hi, thank you so much for your feedback. I know I probably have a lot of grammar mistakes. I just want to make sure the overall message sounds good before I started to work on my grammers.  

[Louisnlife]

Good start your on the right track