Anyone willing to review and critique a personal statement?

[Faggiolaccio]

Would anyone be willing to review my statement and provide feedback?

 

I know that I will have to take out some of it due to the character count so any help will be greatly appreciated. The formatting hasn't copied here perfectly but for first revisions I am more worried about content. 

 

 

 

Up to that point in my life my favorite two jobs were working at Chuck E. Cheese in high school and serving tables in an Italian restaurant during college. Every shift I would meet new and exciting people. Every night was bound to be a different experience full of its own ups and downs. Some days I would run the kitchen other days I would troubleshoot the arcade games while other days I would wait and bus tables. Completely unbeknownst to me, these experiences would end up helping me understand why I want to become a Physician assistant (PA).

Years later, I graduated from the University of Utah with a bachelor’s degree in Health Promotion and Education which began the search for a career. During this job hunt I had an Interview that caused me great anxiety. It was at a home health and hospice practice that needed someone to assist with scheduling providers and volunteers. There were three interviewers and from the very start it seemed like things were going quite well until one of them asked me this question. “What has been your favorite job and why”. After explaining to him what I have stated above he looked at the other two interviewers and began to elaborate that in his experience someone like me was not suited to the office job for which I was applying. At the time this felt like a punch in the gut, but in retrospect I think it was a blunt, honest, yet insightful perspective. As my search for employment dragged on I began to believe like the interviewer had said that I was unsuited for the career in Healthcare Administration for which I had studied. As this thinking continued to weigh on me and I continued to find difficulty joining the ranks of the gainfully employed I began to wonder if I had wasted my time in pursuing the education that I had.

 I found a job as a medical assistant at a family practice/Urgent care clinic on the outskirts of Salt Lake City. This would turn out to be the worst month of my life. This clinic had a certain Dr. that was infamous for burning through MA’s. For the entire duration of training there the other staff would look at me and talk to me as if they felt bad for me. I began to feel that I was some sort of human sacrifice being led to the altar to have my heart torn from my chest while I watched its final failing beats. I began to dread waking up every morning thinking that this was it for me. It was terrifying to think that I had spent years studying to end up in a job working for someone who did not think of me as a capable addition to their team, and be overeducated for a job that would offer such limited growth. After only a month of this I walked away from that job in a move that was both liberating and terrifying. It was difficult to explain to my wife that I had walked away from a paycheck without something else lined up yet. I consider myself infinitely fortunate that she was understanding and supportive of me and was able to see that this was not something that would be good for our family.

It was at this time that I was contemplating completely turning my back on the world of health care. Within a week I had two other job interviews. One was as an EMT night watchman with a security company and the other was at Lifetree Clinical Research. I had already been given a job offer with the security company and was considering taking it when I interviewed with the CEO and founder of Lifetree, Alice Jackson. At the end of the interview Alice made me an offer on the spot. I began to express some doubts to her because on the surface it seemed that this would be similar to the job I had just left. She listened to my doubts and assured me that I would be coming into a much different experience. She took extra time to convince me that it would be a good job for me and that I would find the environment that I was looking for. I will forever be grateful to her for reaching out and helping me to find my way when I felt lost. Working at Lifetree quickly became the best employment experience that I have ever had. Since accepting employment here in 2011 I have discovered that I not only enjoy working in health care, but I find it challenging, stimulating, and fulfilling. I have found many parallels to my former favorite jobs. Everyday can be a different adventure filled with new people, new stories, new experiences, and new challenges to address. I am constantly on my feet and on the move to keep up with the demands of the job and despite how exhausting it can be I feel energized and excited to clock in each day.

Another experience that cemented my desire to become a PA was when I had the opportunity to work at Youthcare INC. Youthcare was a rehabilitative facility for Adolescents. As a part of the Medical team here I was able to see how a comprehensive treatment plan is organized in a collaborative environment. Psychiatrists, Counselors, Nurses, Staff, and Administrators put great care and effort into treating both mental illness and chemical dependence here. I was able to get an understanding of the importance of the different levels of providers and how they fit into such a system in order to provide high quality care. Everyone on this team was given the appropriate respect and appreciation for their contribution. The best part was discharge day. When one of our patients was able to reach their treatment goals and go home was the most satisfying feeling ever. Having broken an addiction or overcome mental illness you could see the hope in their eyes at having been offered a new start.

Shadowing different PAs has given me a great perspective. I have seen that PAs both have a position from which they can make a huge contribution to the treatment and care of patients and yet have room to learn, improve, and grow. I have seen this place where they fit into the larger scheme of healthcare and it has given me something to look up to and strive to achieve. 

[NC30]

I think there's lots of evidence that a counseling/mentoring position would suit you and would like to see a stronger argument on what excites you about being a PA. I believe much of the beginning and 3rd paragraph can be cut as it does not add much to "why I want to be a PA." My 2 cents. Good luck to you

[Faggiolaccio]

Thanks NC30!

[Faggiolaccio]

Hey all here is the second draft. Thanks, 

 

Up to that point in my life my favorite two jobs were working at Chuck E. Cheese in high school and serving tables in an Italian restaurant during college. Every shift I would meet new and exciting people. Every night was bound to be a different experience full of its own ups and downs. Some days I would run the kitchen other days I would troubleshoot the arcade games while other days I would wait and bus tables. Completely unbeknownst to me, these experiences would end up helping me understand why I want to become a Physician assistant (PA).

After obtaining my degree I had a job interview that helped me to see that I should become a provider. When I told an interviewer about my former favorite jobs he bluntly told me that someone like me was not suited to work in Healthcare Administration. This forced me to reflect on my past experiences and come to the conclusion that my past was in fact a preparation for becoming a PA.

At this time that I was actually contemplating turning my back on health care. I interviewed with the CEO and founder of Lifetree, Alice Jackson. At the end of the interview Alice made me an offer on the spot. Working at Lifetree quickly became the best employment experience that I have ever had. Since accepting employment here in 2011 I have discovered that I not only enjoy working in health care, but I find it challenging, stimulating, and fulfilling. I have found many parallels to my former favorite jobs. Everyday can be a different adventure filled with new people, new stories, new experiences, and new challenges to address. I am constantly on my feet and on the move to keep up with the demands of the job and despite how exhausting it can be I feel energized and excited to clock in each day. After 4 years at Lifetree I applied for a position as a manager. When I was called for a second interview for the position I was asked directly, “Which are you more dedicated to doing? Becoming a provider or growing your career here”. I had to carefully consider but the answer was clear. I had to pass on advancement with Lifetree. As exciting as a career in phase 1 research could be it doesn’t excite me as much as actually becoming a PA.

Another experience that cemented my desire to become a PA was when I worked at Youthcare INC. This was a rehabilitative facility for Adolescents. As a part of the Medical team here I was able to see how a comprehensive treatment plan is organized and executed in a collaborative environment. Psychiatrists, Counselors, Nurses, Staff, and Administrators put great care and effort into treating both mental illness and chemical dependence here. I was able to get an understanding of the importance of the different levels of providers and how they fit into such a system in order to provide high quality care. Everyone on this team was given respect and appreciation for their contribution. At this facility I learned how to keep a level head and think quickly in emergency situations. Many times we would have to break up a fight or deescalate a similar situation. And not only would I be responsible for intervening but would immediately have to figure out how to apply the pre-determined program steps in such a way as to help that student understand how to change their behavior in order to reach their goals. The best part was discharge day. When one of our patients was able to reach their treatment goals and go home was the most satisfying feeling ever. Having broken an addiction or overcome mental illness you could see the hope in their eyes at having been offered a new start.

As I have been telling my friends and family about my desire to become a PA the thing that has struck me the most is not their reaction. But, in the months since they find out they will often come back and tell me that they had a visit or an operation and were shocked to find out that their provider had been a PA. From a friends Dermatology appointment to my father’s knee scope and my nephew’s annual checkup. Since I decided to pursue this course even I have been surprised at how versatile PAs are. While observing a PA working in interventional radiology I was amazed at how adept and skilled he was. Just as much as that I remained impressed with how respected and loved he was by the staff and patients with whom he worked. My short time following him has left me inspired and invigorated in the hopes that I too can practice at that level.

Shadowing different PAs has given me a great perspective. I have seen that PAs both have a position from which they can make a huge contribution to the treatment and care of patients and yet have room to learn, improve, and grow. I have seen where they fit into the larger scheme of healthcare and it has given me something to look up to and strive to achieve. This is something that gives me hope and excitement for my future. I think with becoming a PA I will be able to follow the old adage “find something you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day in your life”.

[paproof]

Interesting take on the personal statement... but at no point do you prove that you know what a PA actually does or explain why a career as a PA is ideal for your goals.  I'd take a little more time and prove to the reader that you know what you are getting yourself into and what, in particular, interests you about a career as a PA. 

[Faggiolaccio]

Thanks paproof. I really appreciate you taking the time to review this and provide me with feedback. I think the thing that I'm stumbling on is that it seems to me that PAs are so versatile. It appears to me that they do almost everything short of owning the practice. Maybe I need to shadow more and then take another crack at this. Thanks again.