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Please critique this statement! Any and all criticism welcome...

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My motivation towards becoming a PA began with an unexpected trip to the hospital. My grandmother had been admitted after visiting the ER with severe shortness of breath. An x-ray confirmed a pleural effusion and Grandma left the hospital later that week with a diagnosis of congestive heart failure and cirrhosis of the liver. Her doctor suspected that she had only a short time to live. My grandmother desired to spend her last months at home with family. In anticipation of her worsening health, I quit my job and devoted myself to her care.

The following months were very challenging. I had no prior medical experience and so received a crash course in caring for someone with a terminal disease. Grandma’s health steadily deteriorated and eventually her body failed. Although her death was a grievous occasion, I was consoled by the fact that the last months of her life were happy and comfortable.

This experience motivated me to pursue a career in health care. I saw first-hand the enormously positive effects health-care providers can have on the physical and emotional lives of their patients and experienced the satisfaction in knowing that my job directly improved someone’s life. My experience in caring for my grandmother also introduced me to a fraction of the intricacies of disease and medicine. My new appreciation of the art and science of medicine led to a growing desire for more knowledge and understanding of this discipline.

As I began to research different medical careers, I was attracted to the responsibilities and skills involved in a PA’s scope of practice, especially the role of a PA in diagnosing and treating ailments. I have gained valuable information and experience by shadowing PAs in several specialties. I have observed PAs use tools such as history and physicals, labs, and imaging in order to both formulate diagnoses as well as collaborate and problem-solve as members of a team. The PAs I observed worked in fast-paced environments that provided continual and varied intellectual challenges. As I have continued shadow PAs in various roles and learned how they interact with patients and other members of the health care team, it becomes clearer to me that this is the vocation I am interested in.

My patient care experience at the U of MN Medical Center confirmed my commitment to pursue a medical education. As a nursing station technician in the pre-op and PACU areas of the U of MN Medical Center, I assist our medical staff in providing direct patient care. I also facilitate the flow of communication between the recovery room and patient care units.

At the hospital, I work with PAs in the coordination of care before and after surgery if the patient’s attending doctor is unavailable. PAs in this role often improve the efficiency and effectiveness of our patients’ care. The PAs I shadowed in the primary care clinics and emergency room performed many of the same tasks as their supervising physicians. In these roles, PAs improve the access of patients to health care. I believe that this role is of vital importance, especially in light of the continual challenge of providing people with quality and cost-effective care.

In 2009, I attended a medical school commencement at which Dr. Richard Heinzl, the founder of the Canadian chapter of Doctors Without Borders, gave the commencement speech. Dr. Heinzl exhorted the new doctors to never become complacent with their level of skill or service, but to always be moving, learning and finding ways to use their unique skills to benefit others. His exhortations were in line with my own desires for my future medical career. As a PA, I look forward to using my medical skills to improve the lives of others.

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hi cabbagecake. I saw only one (amazing given other PSs I've read) grammatical error and if the adcoms are "younger" folk, they probably don't know about it... "never use a preposition to end a sentence with" (little grammer humor).


4th para, last sentence. "...vocation in which I am interested."


and then, I agree with all above posts. good story focus. good transition between para's. interesting story. overall well written. !!:=D:

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Guest askyoulc

I thought it was very well written; as someone else commented, very personal and shows how you've come to the decision to apply to PA school. Just maybe the first time you say "U of MN" write it out - University of Minnesota. And one other thing, 4th paragraph, I think you may be missing a "to" right here - "As I have continued TO shadow PAs in various roles and learned..."

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