Help Review my PS Please

[Mantics]

Hi all! I just want some opinions and input on my PS. I'm afraid of sounding too cliche and tried really hard to avoid that. Any advice would be great. Thank you!

 

 

 

 

My interest in medicine dates back to my elementary school days. My father was a Pharmacist, a member of the Jamaica Labor Party, and at the time my idol regardless of the fact that I rarely saw him. Although he was my trigger for wanting to pursue a medical career, I realized I had an actual interest in the field since the sciences fascinated me. Despite that, my greatest inspiration and motivation for pursuing this career is my mother. She sacrificed her comfort to give me the best life she possibly could. She raised me by herself in Jamaica, where she was a known radio personality and model turned entrepreneur. My mother and I immigrated to America when I was 10; she said to get me a better education. We moved from a roomy two-bedroom apartment to a cramped two bedroom with three other people. I noticed how difficult it was for my mother so I tried to assuage her stress by doing my best in school and activities. She tried to keep me in Catholic school while we bounced to and from apartments due to financial difficulties. My mother’s endurance through difficult times has been an encouragement to me. She has taught me patience, perseverance and strength, all qualities I believe will aid me on my path to a Physician Assistant.

 

Track is an activity that has always been a constant during my life. Running competitively for 14 years has shaped who I am today because of the values I take from it and put towards my ambitions. I believe it has influenced my methods to approaching obstacles that I might face. Track begins with innate talent that has to be trained in order to improve; by running harder and faster until your body learns to push itself farther than it was capable of before, making it distinct from most other sports. By learning how to push myself physically, I have discovered how to push myself mentally. At times, I had reached a plateau where I thought I could not progress. I practiced hard and competed harder with no results. Yet I had goals that I wanted to accomplish so I never conceded. I know that having a passion for medicine is not enough but I must also be willing to dedicate my time to studying and learning. Something I will approach with excitement as I do with anything I strive to accomplish.

 

With only a few months of hands-on experience, I still find motivations in everything I do. I spent one summer working at a summer camp as a group leader, for fifteen 6 year olds and two co-group leaders. It was a lot of work keeping track of and entertaining young kids all day but I loved it. One of my favorite kids was Logan. At first, he was a diffident child who opposed partaking in most activities, yet when I talked to him alone I got him to open up and play. However, about halfway into the summer he became my group’s biggest problem, having frequent temper outbursts and refusing everyone’s help, including the other children. Sometimes it came to a point where even the other group leaders did not want to cope with him, but I was patient with him. Although I was no exception to his outbursts, I seemed to be the only person able to calm him down. His triggers were trivial and his lack of self-confidence troubled me. Since I helped him with his breakdowns, I spent most of my time trying to bolster him up. By the end of summer, he had fewer outbursts and became very special to me. While not medically related, this experience further reinforced my decision to be a Physician Assistant and especially to work in pediatrics.

 

For the past few months, I have been working as a Physical Therapy Aide and volunteering with my local ambulance. While my time doing these has been short, my everyday experiences have strengthened my aspiration to become a Physician Assistant. Working with a variety of patients with different personalities and dealing with them professionally is not something everyone can handle. It can be nerve-racking and overwhelming but for me it is worth it in the end. I love working with and helping others. Nothing great is ever achieved without putting in the hard work. As I have always had a strong work ethic, I am committed to being a Physician Assistant for the reason that it encompasses everything I want in a profession by providing excellent health care while maintaining a close, professional relationship with patients.

[alleycat]

My interest in medicine dates back to my elementary school days. My father was a Pharmacist, a member of the Jamaica Labor Party, and at the time my idol regardless of the fact that I rarely saw him. Although he was my trigger for wanting to pursue a medical career, I realized I had an actual interest in the field since the sciences fascinated me. Despite that, my greatest inspiration and motivation for pursuing this career is my mother. She sacrificed her comfort to give me the best life she possibly could. She raised me by herself in Jamaica, where she was a known radio personality and model turned entrepreneur. My mother and I immigrated to America when I was 10; she said to get me a better education. We moved from a roomy two-bedroom apartment to a cramped two bedroom with three other people. I noticed how difficult it was for my mother so I tried to assuage.....this is too hifalutin a word to use in the context of this sentence IMOH. her stress by doing my best in school and activities. She tried to keep me in Catholic school while we bounced to and from apartments due to financial difficulties. My mother’s endurance through difficult times has been an encouragement to me. She has taught me patience, perseverance and strength, all qualities I believe will aid me on my path to a Physician Assistant. this papagraph reads more in praise of your mom, with some credentials tossed to your dad, than it does with you. pare down parents in this paragraph and turn the focus to you...okay to show you had hardships on the way up, but make 'em brief. what else did your own interest in science yield for you.? did you have to work harder in school than others?? become a library rat??

 

I find absolutely no transition between para 1 and para 2., para 2 and 3....para 3 and 4. they read as isolated vignettes.

Track is an activity that has always been a constant during my life. Running competitively for 14 years has shaped who I am today because of the values I take from it and put towards my ambitions. I believe it has influenced my methods to approaching obstacles that I might face. Track begins with innate talent that has to be trained in order to improve; by running harder and faster until your body learns to push itself farther than it was capable of before, making it distinct from most other sports. By learning how to push myself physically, I have discovered how to push myself mentally. At times, I had reached a plateau where I thought I could not progress. I practiced hard and competed harder with no results. Yet I had goals that I wanted to accomplish so I never conceded. I know that having a passion for medicine is not enough but I must also be willing to dedicate my time to studying and learning. Something I will approach with excitement as I do with anything I strive to accomplish. the study between running, pushing the boundaries and working to be a PA, accurate statements, but I feel little passion in your writing as you make that transition

 

With only a few months of hands-on experience, I still find motivations in everything I do. are you saying that even though your experiences were brief, it was still enought time to interest you??? I'd probably drop this sentence, it doesn't run smoothly. you certainly don't want to misrepresent your HCE but don't knock yourself in the knees by pointing out camp was only a "few months " either.

 

 

I spent one summer working at a summer camp as a group leader, for fifteen 6 year olds and two co-group leaders. It was a lot of work keeping track of and entertaining young kids all day but I loved it. One of my favorite kids was Logan. At first, he was a diffident child who opposed partaking in most activities, yet when I talked to him alone I got him to open up and play. However, about halfway into the summer he became my group’s biggest problem, having frequent temper outbursts and refusing everyone’s help, including the other children. Sometimes it came to a point where even the other group leaders did not want to cope with him, but I was patient with him. Although I was no exception to his outbursts, I seemed to be the only person able to calm him down. His triggers were trivial and his lack of self-confidence troubled me. Since I helped him with his breakdowns, I spent most of my time trying to bolster him up. By the end of summer, he had fewer outbursts and became very special to me. While not medically related, this experience further reinforced my decision to be a Physician Assistant and especially to work in pediatrics. well, I'm in psych and willing to give you a "medially related" merit for your efforts with the kid. so I'd drop the "while....related" phrase. this is a good, personal experience portion for a PS. writing is okay too.

For the past few months, I have been working as a Physical Therapy Aide and volunteering with my local ambulance. While my time doing these has been short,again...you point out the brevity of your efforts !! I'd drop the "while.....short." my everyday experiences have strengthened my aspiration to become a Physician Assistant. Working with a variety of patients with different personalities and dealing with them professionally is not something everyone can handle. got any one case/pt that stands out in which you participated???

 

It can be nerve-racking and overwhelming but for me it is worth it in the end. I love working with and helping others. Nothing great is ever achieved without putting in the hard work. As I have always had a strong work ethic, I am... this phrase can be strenghthen by dropping the " As.." and start with "I Have....ethic and I have commited myself to being a Physician Assistant for the reason that it encompasses everything I want in a profession by providing excellent health care while maintaining a close, professional relationship with patients.