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Working PS draft...help please critique!


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The flow is about the same as your others. I took a glimpse back through your posts and it appears that you posted a PS a year ago as well...what have you done in that year? While I don't have your application in front of me, AdComs are pretty spry about seeing gaps of time. Have anything to fill that time like a job in medicine?

 

Physician assistant is a job and does not need capitol letters unless it's part of a person's title. We don't capitalize nurse, doctor, x ray tech...same rules apply.

 

You say your introduction to PA was from your primary care doctor, who was a physician assistant. So which were they? A PA or a MD? Were they your primary care provider? If you can't get the title/position straight pertaining to the person who treated you, how are you going to explain your role as a PA? It is these sort of subtle details that ring out throughout your PS that just spells "no experience".

 

Being a student at Cornell I am sure was difficult. Being a student and an athlete can be a challenge but it's nothing that a ton of your competition haven't done either, plus their paid HCE. Your PS has no real zing, nothing that says "interview this person". The story of your sick father, while tragic and sad, doesn't carry a lot of weight when comparing to a year or more of health care experience in a multiple patient situation.

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Alright.....things to consider....

 

"It was because of this that I knew I wanted to serve others, which avenue I was to venture into would soon revel

itself." This is awkwardly worded and I think you meant "reveal" as opposed to "revel".

 

"When I was in high school I was introduced to the Physician Assistant field by my primary care doctor who was a PA."

Was your physician previously a physician assistant?

 

"I could sense the compassion, caring, and medical superiority she possessed"

Medical superiority? What exactly does this even mean?

 

"Cornell College academics are rigorous, fast paced, and challenging."

SO WHAT. If Cornell is a great academic institution, the ADCOM will know; let the name do the talking.

 

As for the overall content of your personal statement, it doesn't stand out, like just steve suggested. I'm not sure why you found it necessary to mention the anatomy and physiology class, other than you think that it is a substitute for clinical experience that you don't have, according to the essay. As for the overall flow of the essay, I'd suggest you read the essay out loud, seems overly wordy to me in areas.

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............
You delete your work after posting here looking for help? If you can't handle a little constructive feedback from a forum audience, how are you going to tolerate being pimped by people during your rotations? Here are a couple of my favorite quotes that were literally screamed out by surgeons during my time as a surgical tech...

 

"Everything in here sucks except the f***ing suction!!"

"How can I do A+ work surrounded by C- people?!"

 

I figured at least our team was C-..better than a F. But you get the idea. This internet thing is easy..you give up this easy and I have no idea how you'll handle reality.

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You delete your work after posting here looking for help? If you can't handle a little constructive feedback from a forum audience, how are you going to tolerate being pimped by people during your rotations? Here are a couple of my favorite quotes that were literally screamed out by surgeons during my time as a surgical tech...

 

"Everything in here sucks except the f***ing suction!!"

"How can I do A+ work surrounded by C- people?!"

 

I figured at least our team was C-..better than a F. But you get the idea. This internet thing is easy..you give up this easy and I have no idea how you'll handle reality.

 

...."Everything in here sucks except for the suction".....I'm taking that one

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