babyan6el99 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Hi, my final version has come a long way. I thank everyone for the previous suggestions/critiques, I have fixed it up a bit. I included why I had poor grades my first two years of school. (working to support my family, 30 hrs a week). Please tell me what you think, even if you can write good, strong, needs fixing, etc. PLEASE. Maybe the grammar might still be a bit off.., it is at 632 words, I need to cut it down to 625. suggestions? And if some words stick together, I don't know why that is happening. I have always possessed a diligent work ethic. In high school, I had various jobs, each of which challenged me in different ways, developing my character and rounding out my capabilities. Throughout my college years, I was required to work in order to support myself and my family. While none of these jobs appealed to me as a calling, I did note a common thread: each of them involved significant human interaction and led me to believe that my passion is helping others. Thankfully, it did not take long for me to refine this discovery and identify my vocation. In my third yearof Health Science at ____ University, I suffered a grim bout of food poisoning. It was my first time in theER and I recall being extremely nervous. The attending health care professional was a Physician Assistant (PA). Her calmness, authority and sympathetic touch immediately impressed me. Curious, I asked about her profession. She was happy to tell me all about the role of the PA. The vague realization made in high school –that I was meant to help others – had achieved clarity. I began to see how Iwanted to spend the rest of my life. A new found interest in medicine and therole of Physician Assistant began to take shape. The following summer, I volunteered at the Metropolitan Jewish Geriatric Center (MJGC). At MJGC, I was responsible for transporting patients and assisting those with feeding difficulties. However, I enjoyed lifting patients’ spirits and found that I had a natural talent for nurturing and consolation. As I became more familiar with the helping role, my passion for medicine caught fire and I became more resolved to serveas a PA. In the past year, serving as an EMT-B at ___, I have received further verification that my vocation is perfectly suited for me. This fall, I will further pursue my goal by volunteering at DeSales School for the Deaf, learning to interact with special needs children. When I help those that cannot help themselves, I am buoyed by a senseof purpose unmatched in my other life pursuits. Both at MJGC and EMS, I have seen medicine in its rawest form and far from being repelled; I have only been drawn nearer. I have come to accept the fragility of the human body; I have seen the limitations of medicine and I have weighed this against the terrific robustness of the human body. Most of all, I have come to accept death as a necessary: we must do what we can, but we cannot save everyone. I am enthralled by my experiences and confident that I will take these lessons forward into my career as a PA. This semester I will finish my pre-requisite at ___ College. In addition, two years ago, I accepted a position as an anatomy tutor to better understand the intricacies of the human body. I assisted with labs, gave exam reviews, and took all opportunities to answer questions through email or in-office hours. Through this experience, I hope to use this teaching experience to better instruct future patients about preventable diseases and the importance of a healthy diet. There are significant reasons why I wish to become a PA, other than my passion for medicine and helping others: I find the flexibility appealing as I can serve in Obstetrics and Gynecology, ER, or surgery. Becoming a PA is challenging and rewarding and will allow me to work both independently and in a team. After shadowing two excellent PAs, I am resolved and impassioned to become a PA. Although the path ahead will be demanding and rigorous, I relish those challenges because I have performed the work to become intimate with the profession, which is truly a labor of love. zm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alleycat Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Thankfully, it did not take long for me to ( refine this discovery and can cut this out) identify my vocation. -4words In my third yearof Health Science at ____ University, I suffered a grim bout of food poisoning ((that sent me to the ER where I was extremely nervous.)). It was my first time in theER and I recall being extremely nervous. originally +31 words, restructured 28 word, net - 3 word . this satisfies your needed loss of 7 words. A new found interest in medicine as a Physician Assistant began to take shape. original 16 words. rephrased 14..net loss of 2words. (623) nurturing and consolation suggest consoling...has a smoother flow I find the flexibility appealing as I can serve in Obstetrics and Gynecology, ER, or surgery I'd keep the 'flexibility' but convert those named specialties into something more 'primary care, generalist'. e.g. ...serve in many different areas of medicine". Babyan6el99, I think you have a good PS. it speaks of your honesty of spirit for med & PA. I think it is worth submission as is. however, I did want to lend a hand in whittling down to 625 or less. I'd be pleased with myself if it came in at 620-623....no need to press the edge. ie 625. good job. good luck alleycat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAgirl21 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 you intro needs to be more compelling and exciting!! think about it, adcoms get over 1000 appls, if the first thing they read on your PS is "i have always posessed a diligent work ethic" they'll dread the rest... im not trying to be rude, as it took me ages to actually figure out how to do this myself... but the intro is definitely the most important part of the essay, and dont think they're required to read your entire essay if they dont feel like you've done a good job reeling them in. best of luck... this is by far the hardest part of the app! so glad its over for me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyan6el99 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Share Posted August 31, 2011 Thank you Alleycat!! I will revise. Shaifa- I let a couple of people read this and they said it was pretty drawing and that it has a good anecdote... I cant even think of how i would go about changing this whole essay... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nweston Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 If this is for CASPA, they go by character count, not by words. My PS was closer to 750 words, but I was still under the 5000 character count. If you paste your PS into the box on CASPA, they will give you the character count as well (it's a bit different from MS Word). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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