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rewrite. Suggestions please!

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Growing up I always knew that I wanted to help people. My father is a general surgeon and I have been watching him work and seeing him with his patients for my entire life. I made rounds with him even at a very young age and the thing I noticed most was the way he seemed to ease people’s fears. Healthcare can be a very scary thing and I use to think it was almost like magic the way he made them feel better even when he couldn’t make them well. That’s what made me want to go into the medical field, the idea of being able to take care of people. I believe that there is more to medicine then the actual medicine. I think that it takes a certain kind of person to take care of other people.

The idea of being a physician assistant first became appealing to me when I shadowed a physician assistant that works in my dad’s practice. I made morning rounds with her and saw her with the patients the same way that I had seen my dad so many times. The reason I choose becoming a physician assistant rather than a physician is the ability to change fields. I really like the idea of being able to spend time in a few different fields rather than doing a residency and committing to only one like I would have to do after medical school.

Although I haven’t had any formal training or direct patient care experience, I feel like I have a good understanding of how the medical field operates. I have shadowed my father countless times and have recently started shadowing other physicians and physician assistants. I have also arranged to shadow a family practice physician for the rest of this school year.

While I understand that there must be a standard by which to compare all applicants, I am afraid that my GPA does not adequately reflect my intelligence or abilities. Like many freshmen in college, I struggled with learning how to study. Coming from a smaller community, I wasn’t exposed to very challenging courses in high school and it took me a while to adapt. Unfortunately this had a negative effect on my overall GPA. I am retaking the GRE and my score will not be available until later in the fall.

I have always believed that to whom much is given much is expected. I have been given so many opportunities and I feel like it is my responsibility to contribute something. I feel like becoming a physician assistant, especially in the southeast where there is such a great need for healthcare professionals, would really be a perfect way to use my mind and my time in a way that directly helps other people.

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I agree with Gator.. and yourself it is a complete redo and you know it. Honestly I think you should go get some paid experience in the healthcare field. With respect to your GPA and all of that.. it shouldn't have taken you 4 years to learn how to study and I realize that you may have done well towards the end but you state that your first GRE score wasn't good either.. so you didn't learn how to focus and study by fourth year.


You have no health care experience other than opportunities your dad gave you.

Your GPA isn't up to par.

Your GRE scores aren't very good from what you state.


Those are the three things schools really look at. You can get by with having one of those three not being completely adequate (sometimes) but not all three. The profession is based on applicants having prior HCE and by reading that I think you need some. Sorry if this is blunt! I hope you do get there eventually. Good luck!

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Overall, I think you seem pretty generic. I am a pre-PA as well, so take that with a grain of salt, but you never really caught my interest. You have many grammar errors and in general contractions should not be used (too informal). You use some of the same phrases multiple times as well. But, since many people can help with the grammar (maybe you have a writing lab at your school?) I would focus on showing who you are, making yourself a real person. My GPA, calculated by CASPA, is much lower than it would be if all my undergrad course work actually 'counted' as CASPA leaves out many of my courses. However, with my essay I focused on giving the adcom the desire to meet me. If they want to meet me, then they can ask me about that in person. If I do not catch their interest, then it won't matter what my GPA/GRE is. maybe this approach is not for everyone, but it worked for me. I have interviews. Just remember what the prompt is, and be sure that you respond to THAT. Good luck!

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