padreams Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Here's my personal statement guys. Let me know what you think. I erased the names, but of course I will include them in my application. This past year, serving the community of Los Angeles at the Union Rescue Mission has allowed me to grasp the meaning of a joyful sacrifice. Waking up before sunrise to cut potatoes, cook eggs, and open cans of fruit was not something I envisioned my Friday mornings. One morning, as I was cleaning up the tables, a mother with her three sons while holding my hand, thanked me for feeding her children so that they would not starve. My passion of being able to serve and help others through medicine has amplified by kind gestures that have been been rooted in my heart. The experience of shadowing [Judy Smith, PA-C,] paved the way of my desire to become a PA. Being in the OR weekly, suiting up into the sterile outfit to observe and learn about total hip and knee replacements was a fascinating experience. Throughout my time there, I found I had many of the same aspirations as Leann did when she was a student, such as educating other health students in hospitals, helping in clinics, and serving in medical missions. These common desires allowed me to find a mentor in her and someone to guide me in becoming a PA to achieve my goals. I learned the critical role of the PA to the physician and the key responsibilities that she has in making certain that every patient, from consultations to post-operation, is shown compassion and attentive care to improve their lives significantly. The unique opportunity to interact with PA’s in the Emergency Department led me to volunteer in the Department of Emergency (DEM) program at LA County + USC Hospital. During a shift, a gunshot wound victim was brought in critical condition. The PA and other health care providers confidently communicated with each other and worked tirelessly as a team to help this young man survive. This was just one of the many qualities I encountered and observed which has solidified my decision to become a PA. One aspect that really stood out was their genuine love for their profession. It was clearly evident that PA’s I have met all love what they do which was exhibited to their patients. In the same way, I am determined to ensure the utmost care that I can offer for the well being of every patient I am able to interact with. Being able to intern at a county hospital has allowed me to grow as a student and to think deeper about the bigger picture outside the ER and the future of health care. The experience has made me ponder ways that I can improve patient care, waiting times, and teaming up with community resources to help people get access to primary care; their health not just in the ER but what happens outside in their whole lives as well. The ability to gain insight about emergency medicine and serve the people in the community of downtown Los Angeles through healthcare validated my heart to become a PA. The opportunity to work with [Joe Smith, PA] at the Los Angeles ----- Hospital, allowed me to learn about the fascinating field of pediatric orthopaedics. My knowledge and skills from identifying fractures to proper mechanics in casting has grown tremendously. The intangible skill of patience was clearly demonstrated by [Joe] when helping his patients. As pediatric patients that were in a lot of pain, I learned about dealing with patients while their cast was being formed or when reductions were performed and comforting them with patience throughout the procedure. As a PA working in Los Angeles over 30 years, [Joe] stressed the importance of the position that we have as healthcare providers. As the majority of the patients are from economically disadvantaged backgrounds, the importance of supporting the medically underserved population in Los Angeles clearly instilled a vision that is going to be essential in the future as a PA. Throughout the years, I have been greatly humbled by the realization of how fortunate I am to have this will to pursue medicine and reciprocate this desire in serving others. Each unique opportunity has taught me invaluable lessons of confidence, perseverance, and sacrifice and the Physician Assistants I have met displayed qualities that have molded my character, in which I believe will carry over to my patients. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StudentPA Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Comments and fixes made in bold. Let me know if they help. If you need any future help feel free to contact me. This past year, [Eliminate the bold portion. Sentence will flow without it.]Serving the community of Los Angeles at the Union Rescue Mission has allowed me to grasp the meaning of a joyful sacrifice. Waking up before sunrise to cut potatoes, cook eggs, and open cans of fruit was not something I envisioned doing with my Friday mornings. One morning, as I was cleaning up the tables, a mother with her three sons while holding my hand, thanked me for feeding her children so that they would not starve. My passion of being able to serve and help others through medicine has amplified by kind gestures that have been been [Delete repeated word.] rooted in my heart. The experience of shadowing [Judy Smith, PA-C,] paved the way of my desire to become a PA. Being in the OR weekly, suiting up into the sterile outfit to observe and learn about total hip and knee replacements was a fascinating experience. Throughout my time there [instead of there state the establishment that housed that OR that you worked in/at.], I found shared many of the same aspirations as Leann [Eliminated an unnecessary I and who is Leann? You mentioned Judy Smith, PA-C as the only formal name up until now. If you need to introduce a person at least explain who they are.] did when she was a student, such as educating other health students in hospitals, helping in clinics, and serving in medical missions. These common desires allowed me to find a mentor in her and someone to guide me in becoming a PA to achieve my goals. I learned the critical role of the PA to the physician and the key responsibilities that she has in making certain that every patient, from consultations to post-operation, is shown compassion and attentive care to improve their lives significantly. The unique opportunity to interact with PA’s in the Emergency Department led me to volunteer in the Department of Emergency (DEM) program at LA County + USC Hospital. During a shift, a gunshot wound victim was brought in critical condition. The PA and other health care providers confidently communicated with each other and worked tirelessly as a team to help this young man survive. This was just one of the many qualities I encountered and observed [Delete bolded portion. This part is obstructing sentence flow and will eliminate an unnecessary I.] which has solidified my decision to become a PA. One aspect that really stood out was their genuine love for their profession. It was clearly evident that PA’s I have met all love what they do which was exhibited to their patients. In the same way, I am determined to ensure the utmost care that I can offer for the well-being [Hyphenation.] of every patient I am able to interact with. Being able to intern at a county hospital has allowed me to grow as a student and to think deeper about the bigger picture outside the ER and the future of health care. The experience has made me ponder ways that I can improve patient care, waiting times, and teaming up with community resources to help people get access to primary care; their health not just in the ER but what happens outside in their whole lives as well. The ability to gain insight about emergency medicine and serve the people in the community of downtown Los Angeles through healthcare validated my heart to become a PA. The opportunity to work with [Joe Smith, PA] at the Los Angeles ----- Hospital, allowed me to learn about the fascinating field of pediatric orthopaedics. My knowledge and skills from identifying fractures to proper mechanics in casting has grown tremendously. The intangible skill of patience was clearly demonstrated by [Joe] when helping his patients. As pediatric patients that were in a lot of pain, I learned about dealing with patients while their cast was being formed or when reductions were performed and comforting them with patience throughout the procedure. As a PA working in Los Angeles over 30 years, [Joe] stressed the importance of the position that we have as healthcare providers. As the majority of the patients are from economically disadvantaged backgrounds, the importance of supporting the medically undeserved [initially spelled wrong.] population in Los Angeles clearly instilled a vision that is going to be essential in the future as a PA. Throughout the years, I have been greatly humbled by the realization of how fortunate I am to have this will to pursue medicine and reciprocate this desire in serving others. Each unique opportunity has taught me invaluable lessons of confidence, perseverance, and sacrifice and the Physician Assistants I have met displayed qualities that have molded my character, in which I believe will carry over to my patients. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padreams Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Thank you so much for your help! I am editing stuff each day and really trying to fine tune everything before I submit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padreams Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 thank you for the input i have tried to incorporate more of the things I actually did with patients. Any input from my changes would be great! Serving the community of Los Angeles at the Union Rescue Mission has allowed me to grasp the meaning of a joyful sacrifice. Waking up before sunrise to cut potatoes, cook eggs, and open cans of fruit was not something I envisioned Friday mornings. One morning, as I was cleaning up the tables, a mother with her three sons while holding my hand, thanked me for feeding her children so that they would not starve. My passion of being able to serve and help others through medicine has amplified by kind gestures that have been rooted in my heart. The experience of shadowing {judy smith, pa-c], paved the way of my desire to become a PA. Being in the OR weekly, suiting up into the sterile outfit to observe and learn about total hip and knee replacements was a fascinating experience. Throughout my time at Valley Presbyterian Hospital, I shared many of the same aspirations as [Judy] did when she was a student, such as educating other health students in hospitals, helping in clinics, and serving in medical missions. These common desires allowed me to find a mentor in her and someone to guide me in becoming a PA to achieve my goals. I learned the critical role of the PA to the physician and the key responsibilities that she has in making certain that every patient, from consultations to post-operation, is shown compassion and attentive care to improve their lives significantly. The unique opportunity to interact with PA’s in the Emergency Department led me to volunteer in the Department of Emergency Medicine (DEM) program at LA County + USC Hospital. During a shift, a PA was explaining procedures for a thoracotomy and coincidentally just minutes after, a gunshot wound victim in critical condition was brought in. The PA and other health care providers confidently communicated with each other and as a team worked tirelessly to help the young man survive. The valuable qualities of confidence and teamwork ability are few intangible skills that I wish to emulate in the future as a PA. One aspect that really stood out was their genuine love for their profession, which was clearly exhibited to each of their patients. The PA’s I met demonstrated how to place EKGs and blood pressure cuffs as well as taking basic vitals, all of which I used to help triage patients. This incredible experience has made me think deeper about the future of health care especially decreasing waiting times in the ER by better resources to help people get access to primary care. The ability to gain insight about emergency medicine and serve the people in the community of Los Angeles through healthcare validated my heart to become a PA. The opportunity to work with [joe smith, pa], at the Los Angeles ----- Hospital, allowed me to learn about the fascinating field of pediatric orthopaedics. My knowledge and skills from identifying different fractures to proper mechanics in casting has grown tremendously. Several occasions [joe] would allow me to explain to the patient and the patient’s family what exactly happened by showing them on the x-ray and explaining the method of treatment, while he stood and watched. Explaining to the patient’s parents can be quite frustrating and difficult because their child is in a lot of pain. [joe's] explanation was thorough and clear by using examples that the parent’s can understand was amazing. In the same way, I am determined to ensure the utmost care I can offer for the well-being of every patient I am able to interact with. As a PA working in Los Angeles over 30 years, he stressed the importance of the position that we have as healthcare providers. As the majority of the patients are from economically disadvantaged backgrounds, the importance of supporting the medically underserved population in Los Angeles clearly instilled a vision that is going to be essential in the future as a PA. Throughout the years, I have been greatly humbled by the realization of how fortunate I am to have this goal to pursue medicine and reciprocate this desire in serving others. Each unique opportunity has taught me invaluable lessons of confidence, perseverance, and sacrifice and the Physician Assistants I have met displayed qualities that have molded my character, in which I wish to possess and deliver my patients. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StudentPA Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Much better. Just a couple of things. Serving the community of Los Angeles at the Union Rescue Mission has allowed me to grasp the meaning of a joyful sacrifice. Waking up before sunrise to cut potatoes, cook eggs, and open cans of fruit was not something I envisioned Friday mornings [Look Over. You are missing something between envisioned and Friday mornings.]. One morning, as I was cleaning up the tables, a mother with her three sons while holding my hand, thanked me for feeding her children so that they would not starve. My passion of being able to serve and help others through medicine has amplified by kind gestures that have been rooted in my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StudentPA Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 "The experience of shadowing {judy smith, pa-c], paved the way of my desire to become a PA." Shouldn't Judy Smith, PA-C be capitalized? They are proper names and the title is abbreviated with capital letters when shortened. Same thing goes for this. "The opportunity to work with [joe smith, pa]," Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padreams Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Of course. I just didn't feel comfortable writing the names of the PA's. I will make sure to capitalize their names. Thanks for the input and advice 'StudentPA' ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StudentPA Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I hear where you are coming form. I would advise that you not mention the names in your Personal Statement. Instead I would recommend that you get a letter of recommendation from the PA-C that you shadowed/worked with. Seems like it would be the best letter of recommendation that you could get to show your desires towards the profession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padreams Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Thank you for those words of encouragement. Did you mean not to include their names in my personal statement that I am submitting? Because I omitted their names here, but will include their real names when I submit my application. "Judy Smith" and "Joe Smith" are 2 PA's writing me wonderful (i hope) recommendation letters, I seriously learned SO MUCH from following/observing/talking/etc. for a real long time as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StudentPA Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You are welcome. Just make sure you check what is and is not a HIPPA violation. I would hate for you to have any issues relating to giving out private information or the like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren DeSloove Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I would use a different word then "sacrifice" in the first sentence because you don't want to make it sound like it felt at all like a sacrifice, more like an additional encounter you chose to give. Overall though I believe its awesome!!! You definitely prove you're of a medical background and I believe that's what the schools are looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padreams Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 I would use a different word then "sacrifice" in the first sentence because you don't want to make it sound like it felt at all like a sacrifice, more like an additional encounter you chose to give. Overall though I believe its awesome!!! You definitely prove you're of a medical background and I believe that's what the schools are looking for. thank you for the encouragement. I have submitted my application and now its time to wait. best of luck with your future endeavors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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