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Please Critique my essay! I would really appreciate any constructive criticism thanks


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Since the completion of my bachelor's, I have evolved & matured in ways I could have never predicted, both academically & personally. Following graduation, I declined a full ride to obtain a MS in physiology at BSU. Instead I attended Temple University which allowed me to commute from home & remain a caretaker for my recently ill grandmother. I spent the mornings assisting her in activities of daily living before taking the 1.5 hour train ride to Philadelphia each day. I attended classes, returned home, & resumed my responsibilities in assisting with her meals, personal hygiene, & general care before reviewing my schoolwork each night.

I learned very quickly what it means to take care of another. I experienced the full spectrum of emotions in that year; spanning unadulterated joy to utter exhaustion & finally, the agony of loss, & it has done nothing more than solidify my conviction to pursue a career in physician assistant studies. I am not entering this field with the naive premise that I will cure the world. I am entering this field with a foundation of humility. I want nothing more than to give the patient a little more time with their loved ones. I have seen what the end looks like; I have witnessed the separation of soul & body & it has only strengthened my belief that each moment we have is precious.

During this period of unscheduled maturation, I have grown to understand the sacrifice & dedication required to pursue a career as a PA. I have developed a diligence & a discipline that has allowed me to handle master's level physiology courses, to work 25 hours/week at the hospital, coach high school sports, & manage all of it in the midst of caring for my grandmother because becoming a physician assistant is my life's aspiration.

Since her passing in August 2010, I wanted to gain more patient care experience to cultivate my interpersonal skills while becoming proficient in new technical aspects. I began as a patient care assistant in a couplet care setting. I initially was scheduled to be on orientation for four weeks, but within a week, I was responsible for half of the unit. I'm finding that I am quite natural in this environment. My niche involves a high paced, multi-tasking environment where I'm constantly on the move, constantly interacting & handling multiple patient requests & nursing orders simultaneously. This work experience has been the final validation that I'm ready to begin my education. I have developed the professionalism, the patience, even the leadership to speak up when I feel it necessary, both to nurses & physicians when my patient is in a precarious state.

One such occasion involved a two hour old infant that I was bathing. The infant looked like he was losing his color & his respirations were irregular & decreasing. I immediately notified the nurse. She observed the child & said that he was just bruised from the delivery. I continued to observe the child after she left, taking periodic vitals because I was still concerned. His status began to rapidly deteriorate so I connected the infant to a pulse-ox & found that he had a 57% O2 saturation. I immediately hooked up the O2 mask to increase ventilation. I then contacted the nurse to call a code Neo & the rapid response team was initiated. The nurse, who had initially overlooked my concern, expressed her gratitude regarding my diligence in advocating for my patient, & apologized for her dismissive comments. Even though I did not follow the educational schedule I had initially planned, I know undoubtedly that the knowledge & experiences I have acquired since my graduation are of worldly consequence. This knowledge will not only supplement, but really enhance & deepen the didactic portion of my education. I will walk out of that classroom with a more complete understanding of the nature of my work; of both medicine & solidarity.

When my education is concluded, I intend to train in an ER/Mental Health environment. There is a shortage in child & adolescent psychiatric care in pennsylvania & I intend to enter this field to increase the availability of mental health resources to those underserved. In addition, I feel very strongly about international humanitarian aid & hold up Dr. James Orbinski's work as paramount. I intend to take on periodic assignments with MSF because it is not something I just believe in; it is an expectation I hold myself to. Suffering should never persist unnoticed & it is my responsibility, not only as a healthcare provider, but as a human being to not simply be aware, but to take action. I am not capable of turning my back on underserved areas, domestically or internationally. To live a life of social indifference & public unconsciousness is one thing, but to be aware of that suffering & still remain unchanged is intolerable. I'm entering this field because I have a need to be of service & I'm drawn to the areas of greatest need. It is who I am. It is who I will always be.

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Since the completion of my bachelor's, I have evolved & matured in ways I could have never predicted, both academically & personally. Following graduation, I declined a full ride to obtain a MS in physiology at BSU. Instead I attended Temple University which allowed me to commute from home & remain a caretaker for my recently ill grandmother. I spent the mornings assisting her in activities of daily living before taking the 1.5 hour train ride to Philadelphia each day. I attended classes, returned home, & resumed my responsibilities in assisting with her meals, personal hygiene, & general care before reviewing my schoolwork each night.

I learned very quickly what it means to take care of another. I experienced the full spectrum of emotions in that year; spanning unadulterated joy to utter exhaustion & finally, the agony of loss, & it has done nothing more than solidify my conviction to pursue a career in physician assistant studies. I am not entering this field with the naive premise that I will cure the world. I am entering this field with a foundation of humility. I want nothing more than to give the patient a little more time with their loved ones. I have seen what the end looks like; I have witnessed the separation of soul & body & it has only strengthened my belief that each moment we have is precious.

During this period of unscheduled maturation, I have grown to understand the sacrifice & dedication required to pursue a career as a PA. I have developed a diligence & a discipline that has allowed me to handle master's level physiology courses, to work 25 hours/week at the hospital, coach high school sports, & manage all of it in the midst of caring for my grandmother because becoming a physician assistant is my life's aspiration.

Since her passing in August 2010, I wanted to gain more patient care experience to cultivate my interpersonal skills while becoming proficient in new technical aspects. I began as a patient care assistant in a couplet care setting. I initially was scheduled to be on orientation for four weeks, but within a week, I was responsible for half of the unit. I'm finding that I am quite natural in this environment. My niche involves a high paced, multi-tasking environment where I'm constantly on the move, constantly interacting & handling multiple patient requests & nursing orders simultaneously. This work experience has been the final validation that I'm ready to begin my education. I have developed the professionalism, the patience, even the leadership to speak up when I feel it necessary, both to nurses & physicians when my patient is in a precarious state.

One such occasion involved a two hour old infant that I was bathing. The infant looked like he was losing his color & his respirations were irregular & decreasing. I immediately notified the nurse. She observed the child & said that he was just bruised from the delivery. I continued to observe the child after she left, taking periodic vitals because I was still concerned. His status began to rapidly deteriorate so I connected the infant to a pulse-ox & found that he had a 57% O2 saturation. I immediately hooked up the O2 mask to increase ventilation. I then contacted the nurse to call a code Neo & the rapid response team was initiated. The nurse, who had initially overlooked my concern, expressed her gratitude regarding my diligence in advocating for my patient, & apologized for her dismissive comments. Even though I did not follow the educational schedule I had initially planned, I know undoubtedly that the knowledge & experiences I have acquired since my graduation are of worldly consequence. This knowledge will not only supplement, but really enhance & deepen the didactic portion of my education. I will walk out of that classroom with a more complete understanding of the nature of my work; of both medicine & solidarity.

When my education is concluded, I intend to train in an ER/Mental Health environment. There is a shortage in child & adolescent psychiatric care in pennsylvania & I intend to enter this field to increase the availability of mental health resources to those underserved. In addition, I feel very strongly about international humanitarian aid & hold up Dr. James Orbinski's work as paramount. I intend to take on periodic assignments with MSF because it is not something I just believe in; it is an expectation I hold myself to. Suffering should never persist unnoticed & it is my responsibility, not only as a healthcare provider, but as a human being to not simply be aware, but to take action. I am not capable of turning my back on underserved areas, domestically or internationally. To live a life of social indifference & public unconsciousness is one thing, but to be aware of that suffering & still remain unchanged is intolerable. I'm entering this field because I have a need to be of service & I'm drawn to the areas of greatest need. It is who I am. It is who I will always be.

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