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Having trouble with 250 word PS, critique please! Feel free to rip it apart :)

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My 248 word essay is for a non-CASPA program I'm applying to. The assignment is to "write a brief essay of 250 words or less explaining your interest in your choice of the Physician Assistant Program, past related experiences, and why you believe you are a good candidate for the profession." Here is my PS:


My experiences at (college) gave me a profound appreciation for the mechanisms of the body on a cellular level. In that time I realized I was most interested to learn about disease. Discovering how parasites, bacteria, and viruses incapacitate the body gave me a greater understanding of the underlying origin, functions, and importance of cellular components under normal conditions. Becoming a Physician Assistant would give me the opportunities to not only learn about the complexities of various diseases, but also to use this knowledge to help treat my patients. After becoming licensed as a CNA, I chose to work as a habilitation technician at the Irene Wortham Center. Along with assisting with activities of daily living, I am responsible for helping clients with intellectual and physical impairments perform personalized programs aimed at promoting independence and developing basic skill sets. Actively engaging each client in their daily programs takes patience, communication, and versatility, as well as an understanding of the individual's personality and temperament. It is encouraging to see clients readily use the skills that were previously challenging to them. Observing their progress has further reinforced my desire to continue working in healthcare, and has strengthened my determination to become a Physician Assistant. Working as a Physician Assistant would give me the chance to improve people's health and quality of life in a more medically oriented setting. The work would be challenging, energizing, and fulfilling, and I am confident that I would both love and excel at this profession.



I need fresh eyes. I feel this draft is not terrible, but not where it needs to be to WOW the adcoms. I am concerned not only about meeting the basic requirements of the PS, but also the flow of the essay. Does the essay explain both my interest and passion for the field and any qualifications adequately? Does it make sense or is it jumpy? Although I am relatively young (almost 23) I know I want to be a PA, and for what I feel are valid and numerous reasons. If there is any doubt it may be because I am not a great writer :p At the end of the day, its up to the adcoms to decide if I'm ready to join their PA program, and having just 250 words to explain everything makes it a bit tight.

Any help is appreciated! Thank you for looking over my essay!

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