problem child Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I've always known - even since I started my PA studies in 2004 - that I was not a "natural fit" for this profession. I am very intelligent, so there's no problem in handling the material, or learning/remembering things, and I am very compassionate and care deeply about my patients, so that's not a problem either. it just seems to be the culture that I don't fit into. I am a free-thinker, an artist by nature (but who can make a living at that??), and I really just find the culture of medicine (I have worked mostly in surgery; am now giving primary care a try) alien and frightening, not too mention enormously high-pressure, and something I just don't seem to really take to or feel happy in, as much as I have tried. I am a hard worker but by nature too am also a non-conformist, and attendings seem to just smell that and automatically want to take me down a peg (or 3). I don't respond well to that, or to bullying. when I really take inventory, I have left 2 jobs and been fired from 5 (really??) in the last 10 years. I am polite with my co-workers, and am not in anyway an a$$hole or anything, but I am just not happy doing this. I have been trying to make it work for almost ten years - 13 if you count school), and I am horribly depressed at this time, feeling like a failure bc I can't make this work. I'll be honest too - I have no interest or desire to use my off-work time to read up on things or take paperwork home from my job. I value my off-time and resent horribly jobs which put pressure on me (all of them) to work more hours than I am scheduled (or paid) for. I. just. won't. and I know it's hurting me, but I. just won't. I'm kind of trapped to keep going with this work bc I need the income.I have a mortgage, and I am also completely committed to keeping my home so that I don't take my daughter out of her (high) school where she is happy and has all her friends. there is no possibility of finding something cheaper in the city I live in - real estate is through the roof here, and I'm lucky to have this place. I am 57 and feel like I need to start all over; every cell in my body SCREAMS to start over and do what I really love (write), but can't really afford to do that. medical writing is not the kind of writing I'm talking about - I am a journalist, not a technical writer. and forget pharmaceutical sales, too (thanks in advance). I just fled off my most recent job on medical leave in response to the verbal battering my dept chief showers me with when I go to him for help. he so traumatized me recently, when I went to bounce my treatment plan off of him re a lol with SBP of 250, that I think he created PTSD in me. I haven't wanted to go back since. I did, but was so rattled by him and being there that I took medical leave. I did document all of his lousy behavior for the CMO, as she asked, and I will be meeting with CMO this thursday...but my guts don't want me to go back (she told me one other doctor left bc of him, but wouldn't document it). what do I do? it is horrible to feel like I am failing, but I really think I am. I feel like I'm falling, and wonder if I should just let myself fall and see where I land. but I have a kid, and letting go of all this seems highly irresponsible. her life and happiness is at stake too. sh&t. what do I do? I am really scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 15, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 15, 2015 look into making the most of the degrees and interests you have. sounds like you don't want to work with patients or supervising physicians any more(or not much). that leaves some options without going back to school: teach (yes, pa students) do clinical research or work for the CDC, DEA, FDA, etc doing non-clinical stuff get a low pressure govt pa job like working for the state dept or as a peace corps medical officer. these jobs are mostly non-clinical and allow for travel. I have a good friend who is a state dept foreign medical officer right now. he sees 10 pts/MONTH and the rest of his job is public health stuff at the embassy(make sure vaccinations are up to date for all staff, do water quality testing, etc) and of course you have options outside of medicine. get a masters in fine art or journalism, do something you enjoy. 57 really is not too old to start over if that is what you want to do. see a counselor to help deal with some of the anxiety and depression you are feeling. I wish you all the best. reach out to friends and family to help you through this so you don't have to do it alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GetMeOuttaThisMess Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Out of curiosity, what drew you to the profession to begin with? What was the "passion" factor? Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CAAdmission Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I think a lot of people go into medicine assuming it is populated by kind, caring people and then get very disillusioned to find it is populated by the same aholes that infest every other profession. There are a tons of opportunities to do creative stuff in medicine, you just have to find the right patient population to work with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoRyou Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I just fled off my most recent job on medical leave in response to the verbal battering my dept chief showers me with when I go to him for help. he so traumatized me recently, when I went to bounce my treatment plan off of him re a lol with SBP of 250, that I think he created PTSD in me. I haven't wanted to go back since. I did, but was so rattled by him and being there that I took medical leave. I did document all of his lousy behavior for the CMO, as she asked, and I will be meeting with CMO this thursday...but my guts don't want me to go back (she told me one other doctor left bc of him, but wouldn't document it). First, breathe ... Second, do you have a support system (significant other and/or friends) so you can brainstorm some of your ideas off them? You mentioned you think you might have PTSD, have you considered going to a therapist/counselor? Third, forgive me for asking, but are you taking any meds, if not it may be a temporary outlet so you don't feel so overwrought. But I am curious as GetMe asked what drew you into the PA profession to begin with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnson2018pac Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 You sound very type B personality which is opposite of most healthcare professionals. I think the overwhelming majority of us are type A...if you buy into the whole A/B personality thing... Maybe see if there are any resources online for how type Bs can cope in an environment that's not really conducive to their personality type.. Just a thought Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Paula Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Use your artist skills in medicine and health. Teach art therapy to battered children, people, elderly, etc. Create a new app. Go to a career counselor who might have insight into what is going on in your life and work. Write an article or story and get it published or start a creative blog. You can do it. And I agree with EMEDPA: Look for a low stress PA job. I have heard of PAs who work for insurance companies at home doing prior authorization type of work. Someone posted about that either on the Forum or Clinician 1. Your Forum community cares about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 15, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 15, 2015 there are some very low volume rural jobs out there. I saw 2 pts in 12 hrs last night at one of my rural per diem jobs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoRyou Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Use your artist skills in medicine and health. Teach art therapy to battered children, people, elderly, etc. Create a new app. Go to a career counselor who might have insight into what is going on in your life and work. Write an article or story and get it published or start a creative blog. You can do it. Don't throw the baby out the bathwater just yet, because I was going to suggest the exact thing. The beauty of the medical profession is there are so many facets to pick and choose from. Perfect example, I found this - How Can I Combine My Passions For Medicine and Art? You told us you are creative, so get those creative juices flowing since you have this time to look. Look within and find that woman again! She is NOT lost, just missing ... Find her again! BTW, I don't know if you know gotten to know Jorge on here, but while he was in PA school he used his illustrations to help himself as well as others learn medicine - creatively, go figure! Take a look at some of his work ... Art of a PA and lastly look at John Hopkins - Med Art Study the science of art. Study the art of science. Develop your senses — especially learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else - Leonardo da Vinci Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delco714 Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Don't think you'll like med our technology rep job either. Maybe something hands on with research or something.. I like Paula's idea best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 16, 2015 there are jobs teaching folks to use EMRs too. you can work for T-system or EPIC... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted September 16, 2015 Administrator Share Posted September 16, 2015 Or find a decent SP who understands that PAs make them money, and if you treat them nice, they stick around and make you MORE money. I work for a sole provider who employs multiple PAs, and is looking to hire another. I can't see him doing that if we're losing him money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKPAC Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 those who can: do ...those who can't: teach! educators, please don't jump on me here, but seriously, could you teach? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boatswain2PA Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 there are some very low volume rural jobs out there. I saw 2 pts in 12 hrs last night at one of my rural per diem jobs. Disagree with this advice. If you cannot aggressively study and prepare yourself to handle badness, then rural EM isn't for you because you won't see it enough to be ready for it otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 16, 2015 those who can: do ...those who can't: teach! educators, please don't jump on me here, but seriously, could you teach? those who can't teach, administrate, those who can't administrate, manage those who can't manage, direct it's the peter principle . people are promoted TO the level of their incompetence: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_principle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 16, 2015 Disagree with this advice. If you cannot aggressively study and prepare yourself to handle badness, then rural EM isn't for you because you won't see it enough to be ready for it otherwise. agree, sorry if I was unclear. I didn't mean rural ER per se, just rural. there are probably rural pcps who see 10 pts/day.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
problem child Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Or find a decent SP who understands that PAs make them money, and if you treat them nice, they stick around and make you MORE money. I work for a sole provider who employs multiple PAs, and is looking to hire another. I can't see him doing that if we're losing him money. what state are you in? LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
problem child Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 there are jobs teaching folks to use EMRs too. you can work for T-system or EPIC... this is something I'd really like to do. I was looking into it for awhile, but it seemed EPIC only trains people who are sent from a health care facility. I'll have to revisit it. and I have not heard of T-systems but will look into that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 16, 2015 what state are you in? LOL definitely NOT a new york state of mind....:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 16, 2015 this is something I'd really like to do. I was looking into it for awhile, but it seemed EPIC only trains people who are sent from a health care facility. I'll have to revisit it. and I have not heard of T-systems but will look into that too. if I am remembering correctly I think GMOTM looked into working for T-system a few years ago...we just had full time folks from epic mother ship at our roll out last month. guy who was with me was a burnt out dentist... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whoRyou Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 there are jobs teaching folks to use EMRs too. you can work for T-system or EPIC... Forgive my ignorance, but what is EPIC (I looked it up, but couldn't find anything)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marinejiujitsu Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I know a guy that works for epic and makes over 200k just helping people with problems. 90% of the time he just hangs out with different staff. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator EMEDPA Posted September 16, 2015 Moderator Share Posted September 16, 2015 EPICARE is the dominant EMR in the u.s. right now....and it sucks.... http://www.epic.com/software-ambulatory.php Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
problem child Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Out of curiosity, what drew you to the profession to begin with? What was the "passion" factor? Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk first, I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart here for being so understanding and supportive, and for all the really good suggestions. . I can't tell you what it means to me - when I posted this I had no idea what kind of responses I might get, and to tell you the truth, I felt quite vulnerable. sooo...what drew me to becoming a PA. I was working as a freelancer in documentary & televison news, educational projects, etc ( I do have a masters in science journalism :-) ). freelance is not very stable financially, and when I became a mom, and we ended up in a very expensive NE US city (nyc). we needed more income, and I knew I was going to want to work part-time but still earn decent and steady money. so I started brainstorming what I could do that would 1) not require too much back-to-school time, 2) pay reasonably well, 3) contribute to society, 5) make best use of my already-earned degrees (my undergrad was pre-med, bc I was aiming at that time towards vet school; I didn't get in 2 years in a row, so I made a left turn into science journalism bc I love teaching, I am creative, I see science in weird and interesting ways, and want(ed) to share these perspectives with others). one of the last pieces I produced for a pbs series, before I became a mom, was on a palliative care unit in a boston hospital, and it just blew me away. that is what I wanted to do as a PA - companion people as they journeyed to the completion of their life. I created my own rotation in palliative care while in PA school, and did my thesis in palliative care. the asshats in my class wanted to know why I wanted to kill my patients when I presented my thesis. dopes. I have not yet been able to get a job in palliative care, but I still apply when I see them. they seem to always want NPs (grrr...). yes I must be type B (I never knew there was such a thing! I'm going to look that up too!). btw - paula mentioned blogging here and I was afraid to mention here that I have actually started TWO this past week, after a very helpful conversations with some trusted and knowledgable friends last week. they really made it sound possible to earn money doing this, and I got soooo excited about it!! I was afraid to mention it here bc I thought it would sound stupid here, saying "I want to be a blogger" - about as realistic in terms of earning a living as saying, "I wanna be a ballerina!!". but hearing it mentioned here by paula gave me even more inspiration to continue. :-) when I figured becoming a PA could make best use of my past education, get me in and out of school relatively quickly, put me in a position to help people and earn me decent money working part-time, I went for it. it has never worked, even in school. I was trying to calculate the amount of tuition $$ I cojld get back my first WEEK of school, I could just feel it. but I didn't know how to get off the train that had already gained such momentum, and I just kept believing it would get better. it really never has; I am not suited to the profession and it may very well be bc I am some sort of type B. ps I have always put my patients first and given the best possible care, to a person. but the rest of it - the culture, the hours, the pressure...just not me. again, thanks so much everyone, I will keep reading replies and suggestions here. and when I get some blog under my belt, I'll share the links with you :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
problem child Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Disagree with this advice. If you cannot aggressively study and prepare yourself to handle badness, then rural EM isn't for you because you won't see it enough to be ready for it otherwise. I agree. I covered a surgical service in western (rural) mass, and saw some of the grossest sh&t I've ever seenm way grosser than city stuff. mostly addicts and diabetics, not noticing their limbs...or asses....rotting out from under them. sooooo nasty...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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