Personal Statement. over the 5000 character limit. need help shortening. will return the favor

[jtran468]

“Code Blue! Code Blue in the emergency department,” blared through the hospital speakers. As I rushed to the room, my heart was racing. Through the doorway, I saw the nurse leaning over the patient performing chest compressions. I lined up behind her, along with two other clinical interns as we anxiously prepared to take turns performing CPR. We were all committed to doing our part to save the patient’s life. When my time came, I stepped up on the stool, quickly orienting myself to start compressions. After I completed two minutes of compressions, the physician shouted, “Everyone clear for shock,” and the defibrillator fired. Relief swept the room, the patient’s pulse returned to normal sinus rhythm. The patient was alive! It felt liberating to contribute to saving someone’s life, and awe-inspiring to see the seamless collaboration between the doctors, nurses, and technicians. Having the opportunity to take initiative and perform under pressure as a member of the care team made me thoroughly more motivated and enthusiastic to dive into healthcare and start my journey as a physician assistant (PA).

I began my studies in Biology at San Diego State University (SDSU), with the intent of becoming an optometrist. During my undergraduate years, I worked as an optician and was able to become deeply involved in the field of optometry, both in the business and clinical aspects. However, after graduating from SDSU, I realized I wanted to pursue a career that would allow me to expand my scope of practice as well as enable me to educate and heal patients of all needs.

The foundation for my decision to become a PA formed when I decided to make an enterprising career change from optician to medical assistant (MA). I interned as an MA at a pediatric clinic primarily serving low-income families. I have a strong passion for working with children, from my service as a youth leader at my church where I cherished seeing the children and teens grow up year by year. My interest in pediatrics evolved when I rotated in the labor and delivery unit as a clinical care extender (CCE). I was curious to see the development and care of a child after delivery. My time at the pediatric clinic, I saw how the physicians involved and educated the child’s family, which improved the effectiveness of preventing, treating, and rehabilitating their health conditions. I believe that this concept of family-centered care is very important especially for families who do not have regular access to medical care. As an MA I contributed to care coordination by measuring vitals, administering injections, and drawing blood. The physicians expanded my perspective by teaching me how to decide what tests and labs to obtain and to interpret blood results. The skills and knowledge I have attained from doing clinical tasks with deeper descriptions about my clinical contribution has made me confident about the work done in this setting and has made me passionate about pediatrics. I am eager to expand my role in healthcare and commitment to serving young people focused on family-centered care.

            To further my understanding the role a PA, I began shadowed and was mentored by an experienced PA, Andrew Inocelda. I observed how he analyzes patients and tailors his communication in order to provide the best care to each patient. By doing this, he sets them at ease and gains their confidence. The model healthcare provider that I envision tends to both a patient’s emotional and physical needs - someone who I can visualize myself as because of my empathetic nature. Mr. Inocelda told me “a physician assistant should be known as a patient advocate.” This struck a chord with me because not only are PAs treating illnesses, they also partner with their patients and ensure that they understand their health condition. I was inspired by how Mr. Inocelda presented treatment plans, ensuring that his patients understood what was going to be done and empowered them to be invested in their own care. I have become inspired by care delivery that involves patients and their family members by observing Mr. Inocelda and working at the pediatric clinic, which has made me appreciate the key role of patient education. I want to incorporate this philosophy when I become a PA, to effectively educate and promote health among patients and the wider community.

            My involvement in the community has motivated me to pursue a career committed to improving the lives of others. My passion for helping others was developed from my early involvement with the San Diego Vietnamese Eucharistic Youth Society. I volunteered at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, and nursing homes. Volunteering has imparted upon me compassion and a focus on the needs of others. At SDSU, I served as a leader of the Vietnamese Student Association to unite cultural participation, social awareness, and service. In this capacity, I was able to impact both the campus and San Diego communities by incorporating my interest in healthcare through coordinating health screenings, breast cancer awareness symposiums, and vision and dental care services.

            Through my experiences, I have become committed to the PA profession, wherein, team-based family-centered care, education, and service contribute to the community. I look forward to having the opportunity to be able to develop trust and rapport with each patient and their family. I aim to combine my experience in community service and my interest in disease education to provide a more comprehensive, empowering outlook to a healthy lifestyle. I believe that my background, motivation, passion have prepared me to be a positive addition to the healthcare profession and to the community.

[rev ronin]

Your writing leaves much brevity to be desired.

 

You: "Code Blue! Code Blue in the emergency department,” blared through the hospital speakers.

Better: "Code Blue! Code Blue in the emergency department,” blared the speakers.

 

17 characters, no change in meaning.  Go thou and do likewise throughout your entire essay.