Personal Statement Opinions, Advice, and Feedback

[MB4690]

Good evening all,

 

This is my first take at a personal statement for PA school. Any and all critiques are appreciated and will be taken into consideration. Thank you all in advance for your time taken to review and comment.

 

____________________________________________________________________

 

“Next to creating a life, the finest thing a man can do is to save one.” This quote by Abraham Lincoln has become one that has permeated my life. Originally, my career goals never included medicine or life-saving. At age 17 I joined my local volunteer fire department. Responding to medical calls with the fire department piqued my interest into the medical world. I attended EMT school, then paramedic school. I went to work for *BLANK* ambulance service in *BLANK*, Mississippi, and became the Medical Officer of the same fire department that I started out with only a few years earlier. Still currently serving in these roles, I love what I do. I see people at their worst make a complete turn around because of my care. I train and teach emergency medical responders, EMTs, and paramedics. I guide emergency medical care on emergency scenes. But I do crave more, and I see areas of deficits in our current healthcare system where I could make an impact as a physician assistant (PA).

When first considering advancing my career beyond my licensure as a paramedic, my father, a nuclear medicine physician, was happy to hear my interest in practicing medicine. Furthermore, he was intrigued, as I was, about the PA profession. I began meeting PAs, talking with them, and learning about the role of the PA. I shadowed an emergency medicine and cardiology PA, and was amazed at the competence and care with which he treated his patients, and how well PAs work in conjunction with fellow healthcare providers.

While essential, the nursing model of healthcare delivery never resonated well with me. Being highly proficient with and loving science while growing up led me to feel affinity to the medical model of healthcare delivery. Yet I was also never attracted to the prospect of becoming a physician. Title, money, and prestige are not reasons for my wanting to enter medicine. I fell in love with medicine through the paradigm of the physician assistant profession, and found that the PA profession will offer me everything I seek.

Every day as a paramedic I provide medical treatment for ill and injured patients. As a PA, my knowledge would be expanded significantly to be able to provide in depth, advanced medical care to those patients. My base knowledge and experience as a paramedic makes me the perfect candidate to learn to practice medicine as a PA. This is one of the many things I value about the PA profession; it embraces the experience I have gained previously, and continues to build on those experiences.

As a paramedic, taking patients to rural emergency departments can be an eye-opening experience. These facilities may be under-staffed, or even must close on nights due to a lack of a healthcare provider being able to cover the ED. As a PA, I would be a commodity to these areas, bringing competent and experienced emergency medical care to patients that are all-too-often under-served. Many of these facilities cannot bear the financial burden of hiring another physician; but a PA provides a high-quality, cost-effective alternative. There is no need for these patients to go without emergency care, and I plan to be there for them.

Additionally, as a PA, I will be flexible enough to meet the demands of these regions. Not only would I be able to provide increased access to emergency care to Mississippi citizens, but due to the flexible nature of the PA license, I could also provide exceptional primary care services in an attempt to keep patients in Mississippi's more rural areas out of the ED in the first place. All too often, I see situations where I think, “this could have been prevented”, like the patient with congestive heart failure who I am forced to intubate because his lungs are full of fluid, and he is on the verge of death. “When did he last see his primary care provider?” I ask. “It's been a while,” is often the unfortunate answer.

Furthermore, the PA profession appeals to me due to its infancy. Physicians and nurse practitioners are well-defined with large lobbying groups. It excites me to be coming into a profession at such a pivotal time – when the profession is truly taking root, especially in the State of Mississippi, and still needing numbers of competent, thoughtful providers to join its ranks. I thirst to be part of that movement: to advance the profession, to make “PA” a household name in Mississippi, and to represent all PAs in the best light, as the healthcare providers that they are.

The medical field has ignited a passion I never saw coming. Through a series of events beginning with my joining of the fire department, I have found my way into the medical world. I am ready, prepared, and excited to be taking the next step in my career, into the practice of medicine. I hope, that through my education and training in the PA profession, I may continue to live out more fully my creed of “saving lives”. 

[UGoLong]

I reviewed two write-ups with an EMS slant and like this one more. It tells me more about you and less about the runs you have taken. 

 

There is no need to mention the name of your town or its ambulance service; that will be in your application anyway.

 

Good luck!

[MB4690]

UGoLong, thank you for the kind words as well as the advice. Change has been made!

 

 

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[camha92]

 

“Next to creating a life, the finest thing a man can do is to save one.” This quote by Abraham Lincoln has become one that has permeated my life. Originally, my career goals never included medicine or life-saving. At age 17, I joined my local volunteer fire department. Responding to medical calls with the fire department piqued my interest into the medical world. I attended EMT school, then paramedic school. I went to work for *BLANK* ambulance service in *BLANK*, Mississippi, and became the Medical Officer of the same fire department that I started out with only a few years earlier. Still currently serving in these roles, I love what I do. I see people at their worst make a complete turn around because of my care. I train and teach emergency medical responders, EMTs, and paramedics. I guide emergency medical care on emergency scenes. But I do crave more, and I see areas of deficits in our current healthcare system where I could make an impact as a physician assistant (PA).

When first considering advancing my career beyond my licensure as a paramedic, my father, a nuclear medicine physician, was happy to hear my interest in practicing medicine. Furthermore, he was intrigued, as I was, about the PA profession. I began meeting PAs, talking with them,networking with PAs and learning about the role of the PA their roles in healthcare. I shadowed an emergency medicine and cardiology PA, and was amazed at the competence and care with which he treated his patients, and how well PAs work in conjunction with fellow healthcare providers. > that's awesome, i would use this space to talk about what you got out of the shadowing experience, how you use what you learned to help you in your future practice as a PA, things you want to emulate such as the PA's patient-centered approach to medicine or how he advocate for his patients, etc. i noticed that you talk about your experiences, but you need to elaborate on it. for instance, in the first paragraph, there was some interesting things there; but it can be stronger if you talk about the leadership and collaboration skills that you acquired through those experiences. 

While essential, the nursing model of healthcare delivery never resonated well with me. I don't like how you transition here, it wasn't smooth. i recommend a better topic sentence. Being highly proficient with and loving science while growing up led me to feel affinity to the medical model of healthcare delivery. Yet I was also never attracted to the prospect of becoming a physician. Title, money, and prestige are not reasons for my wanting to enter medicine I'm sure you've heard that you shouldn't talk down a profession and i think you are doing that here. many MD/DOs are not in medicine for those things you mentioned, perhaps they want to do research, independence in their practice, etc so i'd cross that out. I fell in love with medicine through the paradigm of the physician assistant profession, and found that the PA profession will offer me everything what's everything!? I seek. Things you can add on here is the versatility/flexibility of the PA model that allows one to explore different specialties and clinical settings throughout the course of their careers. 

Every day as a paramedic I provide medical treatment for ill and injured patients. As a PA, my knowledge would be expanded significantly to be able to provide in depth, advanced medical care to those patients. My base knowledge and experience as a paramedic makes me the perfect word choice candidate to learn to practice medicine as a PA. This is one of the many things I value about the PA profession; it embraces the experience I have gained previously, and continues to build on those experiences.

As a paramedic, taking patients to rural emergency departments can be an eye-opening experience. These facilities may be under-staffed, or even must close on nights due to a lack of a healthcare provider being able to cover the ED. As a PA, I would be a commodity to these areas, bringing competent and experienced emergency medical care to patients that are all-too-often under-served. Many of these facilities cannot bear the financial burden of hiring another physician; but a PA provides a high-quality, cost-effective alternative. There is no need for these patients to go without emergency care, and I plan to be there for them.

Additionally, as a PA, I will be flexible enough to meet the demands of these regions. Not only would I be able to provide increased access to emergency care to Mississippi citizens, but due to the flexible nature of the PA license, I could also provide exceptional primary care services in an attempt to keep patients in Mississippi's more rural areas out of the ED in the first place. All too often, I see situations where I think, “this could have been prevented”, like the patient with congestive heart failure who I am forced to intubate because his lungs are full of fluid, and he is on the verge of death. “When did he last see his primary care provider?” I ask. “It's been a while,” is often the unfortunate answer.

Furthermore, the PA profession appeals to me due to its infancy. Physicians and nurse practitioners are well-defined with large lobbying groups. It excites me to be coming into a profession at such a pivotal time – when the profession is truly taking root, especially in the State of Mississippi, and still needing numbers of competent, thoughtful providers to join its ranks. I thirst to be part of that movement: to advance the profession, to make “PA” a household name in Mississippi, and to represent all PAs in the best light, as the healthcare providers that they are.

The medical field has ignited a passion I never saw coming. Through a series of events beginning with my joining of the fire department, I have found my way into the medical world. I am ready, prepared, and excited to be taking the next step in my career, into the practice of medicine. I hope, that through my education and training in the PA profession, I may continue to live out more fully my creed of “saving lives”. 

 

I like the last couple of paragraphs. the only problem i have is the organization of this essay. I feel like you jump around with your paramedic experience and why you want to become a PA a lot. A way this can be fixed is having definitive topic sentences and focus/elaborate on it. Otherwise, your writing and context are really good. This is a great draft, and it has the potential to be even better! good luck with the app cycle!

[MB4690]

Camha92, thank you for the feedback! I will go back and adjust as you recommended, to improve fluidity.

 

 

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[paproof]

camha brought up some good points.  Once you make those corrections you should be on your way.

[MB4690]

paproof, thank you for the reply. And thank you all for your help and thoughts. 

 

I do have one small, side-question for you all, if it's okay to entertain it here. As described in my essay, I'm the Medical Officer of the volunteer fire department with which I serve. Listing my experience on CASPA, I obviously listed my experience on the ambulance as a paramedic as "patient care experience". However, what category would my experience as a medical officer fall best under? Does it even matter what "category" I choose? Would it be best to list it under "healthcare experience", "patient care experience", or "volunteer"? It's truly a little bit of all three: direct patient care as I still function as a paramedic, healthcare experience as I direct the care of other responders, train and teach them, etc., and it's obviously also volunteer experience. Would placing it in one specific category be more beneficial to my application?

 

Thank you in advance. 

[camha92]

It would be most beneficial to place it as patient care experience because it will be counted towards your patient care hours. the way i see it, the more hours you accumulate, the more competitive you are as an applicant. That being said, make sure you were getting adequate patient exposure  during this experience for it to count.

 

i would place healthcare experience as more important than volunteer. what separates patient care exp. and healthcare exp. is that you get to have patient contact in the former, which is essentially what they're looking for.

 

hope this helps.