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Thoughts on my rough draft? I'll return the favor ;-)

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Hey all, I would really appreciate honest feedback about my statement, especially on the content and overall flow of the statement. PLEASE be as brutally honest as possible. I'm not trying to get a pat on the back; I'm trying to get some acceptances lol. Send me your feedback and I would be happy to edit your statement in return! 






            I cried the day I moved into my dorm room at the University of California, Santa Cruz. They were not tears of fear, or remorse over leaving my childhood behind, but tears of relief and hope for the new beginning I was undertaking. I did not grow up always dreaming of becoming a doctor. It took years of overcoming self doubts to arrive at my interest in the medical field. My entire life, I received very little support or encouragement from my family. I was raised in an emotionally hostile and physically abusive household, where my dreams were discouraged and I was constantly devalued as an individual. When I began applying to colleges, I remember my father chastising my decision, and claiming that educated women are far less likely to have children or to be appealing to men.

His abuse culminated in breaking my mother’s leg and leaving her on the side of a deserted highway to die. I drove my mother to the hospital, and I remember sitting beside her in the emergency room as a physician assistant treated her. She examined the physical injuries; the broken bones, the bruises, the blood running from her scalp down her tear-stained face. She assessed my mother’s physical needs in that moment, but she also took the time to understand our world. Upon hearing about the abuse and physical violence, the physician assistant explained that she would need to report the incident, but she also talked to my mother about numerous community resources available to us. She took the time to ensure that she treated not only the injuries, but also the patterns of abuse and emotional strife that allowed the injuries to ever happen.

            Following the incident, my mother scorned me as she saw me as a constant reminder of her failed history with my father. When I was seventeen, she kicked me out and I was homeless until I started college. I was overwhelmed with depression and left feeling lost, confused, and completely alone. When I cried on that first move in day however, I knew I was choosing not to be a victim. I would spend the next four years battling to reclaim my autonomy, and to reshape how I understood my own identity. I sought out leadership opportunities within my college to slowly regain confidence, and seek out direction within my world.

I became an officer and eventually president of my student government and a residential adviser, which allowed me irreplaceable opportunities to grow as an individual and to realize my potential as a leader. It also gave me the chance to help organize and participate in several service projects, my favorite being annual bone marrow registration drives. Through the bone marrow registration events, I was able to meet with leukemia survivors and hear their unique stories. Some of them had overcome the disease thanks to a matched bone marrow donor, and others were still waiting to find that match. However different, all stories were unified through one underlying theme, hope. The stories affirmed the true extent to which our work mattered. These simple service events had the potential to completely change a person’s life.

            During my senior year of college, I was blessed with the opportunity to complete an internship in an internal medicine clinic. This internship involved a combination of work in the health education office, and shadowing primary care providers. Internal medicine was fascinating to me as I was able to observe providers treating all aspects of a patient. They did not just focus on isolated conditions, but made legitimate attempts to understand a patient’s lifestyle and emotional well-being. Throughout the internship, providers would emphasize the importance of treating a whole patient rather than simply a combination of symptoms. This notion resonated with me as I reflected on my own experiences. This holistic approach of actively working to prevent future issues and improving a patient’s overall lifestyle has become my inspiration, and I am motivated to carry this on in my own patient care.

Since my graduation from the University of California, Santa Cruz, I have worked as both a medical assistant and an Emergency Medical Technician. I have met countless patients, many of whom have shared small windows into their lives with me. The diverse array of experiences modeled in those stories has moved me, saddened me, intrigued me, but above all compelled me to press on in this field I have chosen. I know that I have the ability to do more for my patients and for myself. Throughout my undergraduate experience I continued to battle with depression and self-doubt as I was still fresh in my healing process, but I am no longer that person. I have a direction, fueled by countless sources of inspiration, and I found a sense of confidence in myself and motivation to achieve my goals. Furthering my medical education is the most effective way I can prepare myself to impact the lives of those I have chosen to serve. 

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I think you should talk more about how your experience with the PA or your experiences in your internship or work in general has led you to the career of a PA and not anything else. I struggled with that initially but from time working with or observing PAs you begin to see the what things make the PA profession stand out from the rest. 

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