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       Mahatma Gandhi once said “To give happiness to a single heart by a single act is better than a  thousand heads bowing in prayer”.       

Growing up in a small village in the southern part of India, has given me a real life view of a community with limited health care services but significant health care needs. I still remember my own experience as a 7- year- old boy walking anxiously into the ICU where my grandma was admitted with a heart attack. Sitting nervously at her bedside, I watched nurses come and go. I recollect sitting there wondering what could I do to make her feel better—to bring back the warm, loving, thoughtful woman I knew. My grandma died after two days, despite the efforts of the doctors. In the course of time I lost my grandpa to diabetes, a cousin to tuberculosis, a dear friend to leukemia and my aunt to the complications of pregnancy. These simple yet significant events in my life have given me the inspiration to become a doctor.

In medical school, the preclinical years have introduced me to the mystical and the wonderful world of the human body and its functioning. Knowing what’s normal gave me the understanding to recognize that which is abnormal or the disease process. During the Clinical years, I have gained the knowledge to gather required information, to analyze and proceed skillfully in coming to a diagnosis and provide the right treatment. It’s during these years where I learned that the comprehensive goal of all doctors should be to achieve a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease. I graduated from medical school with a philosophy in life, to provide health care services to the poor and underprivileged sections of the society. However, I wanted to pursue my MD degree in internal medicine before I could practice.

     But as John Lennon says “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” While I was busy making plans to pursue my MD degree, a call from home informing that my dad had a stroke, changed everything. I rushed home to be with him. The massive incident in his brain left him with no use of his right side and complete loss of communication. Being a doctor I was confident that I would be able to take care of him, just only to realize how unprepared I was. I didn’t feel equipped to handle the welfare of my dad who has raised me. With financial restraints and limited health care facilities available, the confusion, sadness and the helplessness jarred me during this unsettling transition. Dad lost his job after 6 months of disability. With one brother in engineering college, a sister in medical school and another sister in business school, the financial stresses were overwhelming. Being the only earning member of the family, I was placed at a crossroads, unable to decide which is the wisest choice? Is it to pursue my career goals, or to take care of the family responsibilities? I put my career plans on hold and took up my responsibilities of a son and a brother.

       As a caregiver and a doctor to my dad, I went through the guilt and conflicting emotions of wanting his suffering to be over, being exhausted from taking care of him for years and yet the idea that he would not be around much longer was hard to accept. Two year ago, I finally said goodbye to my dear dad. The stroke eventually killed him after torturing him for fourteen long years. However, I feel fortunate for being able to take care of him and give quality of life and see him breathe his last at peace is a satisfaction that’s immeasurable.

Booker T. Washington says: “I have learned not to measure a man by his success in life, but by the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.” Even though I couldn’t achieve anything as a person in all these years, I pride myself for being successful in making one sister a pediatrician, another business administrator, my brother an engineer and my wife a physician assistant. I feel successful as a person and moving to the US has given me an opportunity to continue to be in the medical profession again.

As someone who has always been very goal-oriented, I am looking forward to begin my PA program. My life to date has prepared me to deal with many obstacles and has given me the determination; resilience, strength, and caring that are a part of my character. As I look toward my future in primary care, I believe these characteristics will enable me to succeed and be a valuable asset to the profession. My experiences have been very rewarding because I have identified with patients and admired their courage in the face of an uncertain prognosis. Now I open myself to all possibilities, and likewise, open all possibilities to me and anticipate that joining your prestigious institution to fulfil my dream of becoming a physician assistant will be equally rewarding and I look forward with enthusiasm.

 

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Overall I think it was a good story but I have a few pointers:

 

- I am confused on the timeline here. My guess is that you went to medical school (though I'm not sure where - US or India) but didn't do a residency because you had to take care of your father and siblings? And you finished medical school 14 years ago? Is that correct? When did you move to the US? I think you need to clarify your story a bit more because this is confusing.

 

- Other than taking care of your father (let me add I find it very noble of you to put your life on hold for your family), were you working during those 14 years? Doing what? That may or may not be relevant.

 

- I like each of your quotes individually but I'm not sure about putting 3 in there. It seems like you're trying too hard. Maybe just stick to 1.

 

- The last sentence of your first paragraph - I would not call those events simple. It's just one word but it made me raise my eyebrow and not in a good way.

 

So I think you have a great basic storyline with going to medical school, taking care of your father and siblings, moving to the US, and now wanting to do something for yourself and help others as a PA but it needs more clarification.

 

Maybe someone else can answer this but I'm wondering if he should mention something about why is he now going for PA instead of medical school in the US. ?

 

Good luck to you, OP!

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Hi Optimistic 3,

 

Thanks for the comments. as you have mentioned, there's lot of missing information but i dont know how to include all that as the essay for the application is only 5000 charecters( roughly 800 words). this is a rough draft but will make changes and post the final draft later. Thanks for the review.

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I understand completely. I also had a hard time with the 5000 character limit myself. What I did was I wrote everything down that I wanted to include, ignoring the character limit. Then once I had everything, I went through and start cutting out different things and reading it again. When it didn't seem like it was missing something, then I kept that portion cut out!

 

Post your next draft here and I'll be happy to read it over!

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As for the character limit- take out passive words. For example...

 

your 1st paragraph could be: (words in parentheses should be cut out)

Mahatma Gandhi (once) said “To give happiness to a single heart by a single act is better than a  thousand heads bowing in prayer”.       

Growing up in a small village in the southern part of India, gave me a real life view of a community with limited health care services but significant health care needs. I (still) remember my (own) experience as a 7- year- old boy walking anxiously into the ICU where my grandma was admitted with a heart attack. I sat at her bedside and watched nurses come and go.  I wondered what could I do to make her feel better—" 

 

It's not much, but this saves quite a few characters and your message will be more direct. Every word should count for something. Hope that helps!

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My Revised PS

 

 

Growing up in a small village in the southern part of India, has given me a firsthand perspective of being a part of a community with significant health care needs but limited services. I’ll always remember the deep concern I felt for my grandmother as a 7-year-old boy walking anxiously into the ICU after she suffered a heart attack. I could do nothing but watch from her bedside in suspense as nurses came and went. From that moment, I began wondering what I could do to make her feel better. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed after two days, despite the efforts of the doctors. Over the course of time I lost more relatives to relatively common ailments that could have been better managed had proper care been available. My grandfather was lost to diabetes, a cousin to tuberculosis, a dear friend to leukemia and my aunt to the complications of pregnancy. These significant events in my life have given me the inspiration to become a doctor.

In medical school, the preclinical years have introduced me to the intriguing complexities of the human body and its functions. It also provided me with a baseline understanding of what could be considered normal and how to recognize abnormalities, or the disease process. During my clinical years, my analytical skills sharpened allowing me the ability to diagnosis conditions skillfully. It’s during these years where I learned that the goal of doctors is a holistic one, meaning that the focus should not only be the elimination of disease, but to also achieve a state of complete physical, mental and social wellbeing for the patient. I graduated from medical school with a philosophy in life, to provide health care services to the poor and underprivileged sections of the society. However, I wanted to pursue my MD degree in internal medicine before I could practice.

My wife and I decided to move to US for further studies, as her parents live there. While I was busy making plans to pursue my MD degree, I received a call from home informing that my dad had a stroke, which changed everything. I rushed home to be with him. The massive incident in his brain left him with no use of his right side and complete loss of communication. I was confident that I would be able to take care of him, however, the reality of the situation made me realize exactly how unprepared I truly was. With certain financial restraints and limited healthcare facilities available, the confusion, sadness and the helplessness jarred me during this unsettling transition. My dad lost his job after six months of disability. With one brother in engineering college, a sister in medical school and another sister in business school, the financial stresses were overwhelming for my family. Being the only earning member of the family, I was placed at a crossroads of an incredibly tough decision, to pursue my career goals or to take care of the family responsibilities. Ultimately, I put my career plans on hold and took up my responsibilities of a son and a brother. My wife, along with our 4 month old son, moved to US while I stayed back and started working in a mission hospital as resident doctor.

 Life was hard and difficult with wife and son in a different country and as a caregiver and a doctor to my dad, I went through the guilt and conflicting emotions of wanting his suffering to be over and being exhausted from taking care of him for years. Yet the idea that he would not be around much longer was hard to accept. It took me 4 years to get my siblings established and before I could visit US to see my son. I planned to pursue my medical education in US but my dad’s uncertain health condition prevented me from committing to three years of medical residency. Two years ago, I finally said goodbye to my dear dad. The stroke that eventually took his life, tortured 14 long years. Though this chapter of my life has closed, I feel fortunate to have been able to take care of him, give him quality of life and see him breathe his last breath at peace.

Booker T. Washington once said, “I have learned not to measure a man by his success in life, but by the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.”  I am ECFMG certified; but it’s been 20 years since I graduated from medical school, designating me as a very old medical graduate and disqualifying me for most of the residency programs. Even though I couldn’t achieve personal educational and professional goals these past years, I was very successful in making one sister a pediatrician, another business administrator, my brother an engineer and my wife a physician assistant. There is no greater privilege than to live a life of service to others.

As someone who has always been very goal-oriented, I am looking forward to the physician’s program. My life to date has prepared me to deal with many obstacles and strengthened my determination and compassion. My unique life experiences allow me to connect with the people I hope to serve and to help them find their courage in the face of an uncertain prognosis.  I am eager to join your prestigious institution may, because it is a key milestone to achieving my dream of being in medical profession here in US.

 

Thanks for reading and giving your valuable comments. Really appreciate your time.

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I like this version much better!! I think you have a really excellent story but I made a little changes in red.

 

The timeline is more clear but now I'm still a little confused about the education thing. Now that I've read it all again, my understanding is that you went to medical school in India. After that, did you do a residency there to become a fully fledged physician? I don't know if you even have residencies there or how that works. Then you wanted to become a physician in the US but could not because you had to take care of your family. So did you want to do medical school AND residency here or just a residency?

 

I might just be nitpicking here. Maybe I'm the only one a bit confused and if so, I apologize. Maybe the adcoms who will also see all of your transcripts understand it better than I do. But other than that, you've done a really great job with the writing.

 

 

My Revised PS

 

 

Growing up in a small village in the southern part of India, has given me a firsthand perspective of being a part of a community with significant health care needs but limited services. I’ll I will always remember the deep concern I felt for my grandmother as a 7-year-old boy walking anxiously into the ICU after she suffered a heart attack. I could do nothing but watch from her bedside in suspense as nurses came and went. From that moment, I began wondering what I could do to make her feel better. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed after two days, despite the efforts of the doctors her healthcare team. Over the course of time I lost more relatives to relatively common ailments that could have been better managed had proper care been available. My grandfather was lost to diabetes, a cousin to tuberculosis, a dear friend to leukemia, and my aunt to the complications of pregnancy. These significant events in my life have given  me the inspiration inspired me to become a doctorso I did just that.

 

In medical school, the preclinical years have introduced me to the intriguing complexities of the human body and its functions. It also provided me with a baseline understanding of what could be considered normal and how to recognize abnormalities, or the disease process. During my clinical years, my analytical skills sharpened allowing me the ability to diagnosis conditions skillfully. It’s during these years where I learned that the goal of doctors is a holistic one, meaning that the focus should not only be the elimination of disease, but to also achieve a state of complete physical, mental and social wellbeing for the patient. I graduated from medical school with a philosophy in life, to provide health care services to the poor and underprivileged sections of the society. However, I wanted to pursue my MD degree in internal medicine before I could practice. [i love this whole paragraph except for the last sentence. It's still a bit confusing. In my understanding, you already completed medical school so you already have the MD degree so why are you talking about now pursuing an MD degree? My guess is that you imply that you have the equivalent of the MD in India but now want a US MD degree? Or you want a US MD residency? Maybe I am misunderstanding because I don't know how the medical education system in India works.]

 

My wife and I decided to move to the US for further studies, as her parents live there. While I was busy making plans to pursue my MD degree [so you wanted to go to medical school again in the US? I think you could clarify all my questions (and those of adcoms) with one more sentence to pull your story together], I received a call from home informing that my dad had a stroke, which changed everything. I rushed home to be with him. The massive incident in his brain left him with no use of his right side and complete loss of communication. I was confident that I would be able to take care of him, however, the reality gravity of the situation made me realize exactly how unprepared I truly was. With certain financial restraints and limited healthcare facilities available, the confusion, sadness and the helplessness jarred me during this unsettling transition. My dad lost his job after six months of disability. With one brother in engineering college, a sister in medical school, and another sister in business school, the financial stresses were overwhelming for my family. Being the only earning member of the family, I was placed at a crossroads of an incredibly tough decision, to pursue my career goals or to take care of the family responsibilities. Ultimately, I put my career plans on hold and took up on my responsibilities of  as a son and a brother. My wife, along with our 4 month old son, moved to the US while I stayed back and started working in a mission hospital as resident doctor [so you were a fully practicing physician in India?].

 

Life was hard and very difficult with my wife and son in a different country and as a caregiver and a doctor to my dad,. I went through the guilt and conflicting emotions of wanting his suffering to be over and being exhausted from taking care of him for years. Yet the idea that he would not be around much longer was hard to accept. It took me 4 years to get my siblings established and before I could visit the US to see my wife and son. I planned to pursue my medical education in US but my dad’s uncertain health condition prevented me from committing to three years of medical residency [so now you mentioned medical education, which makes me think of medical school, but then you mention residency, which is after medical school. Still confused.]. Two years ago, I finally said goodbye to my dear dad. The stroke that eventually took his life tortured him for 14 long years. Though this chapter of my life has closed, I feel fortunate to have been able to take care of him, give him quality of life and see him breathe his last breath at peace.

 

Booker T. Washington once said, “I have learned not to measure a man by his success in life, but by the obstacles he has overcome while trying to succeed.”  I am ECFMG certified; but it’s  it has been 20 years since I graduated from medical school, designating me as an very older medical graduate and disqualifying me for most of the residency programs. Even though I couldn’t achieve personal educational and professional goals these past years, I was very successful in helping to make making one sister a pediatrician, another a business administrator, my brother an engineer, and my wife a physician assistant. There is no greater privilege than to live a life of service to others.

As someone who has always been very goal-oriented, I am looking forward to the physician’s program becoming a physician assistant. My life to date has prepared me to deal with many obstacles and strengthened my determination and compassion. My unique life experiences allow me to connect with the people I hope to serve and to help them find their courage in the face of an uncertain prognosis.  I am eager to join your prestigious institution may, because it is a key milestone to achieving my dream of being in  a medical professional here in the US.

 

Thanks for reading and giving your valuable comments. Really appreciate your time.

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Hi Optimist 3,

 

Thanks for your valuble comments and suggestions. I know its kind of confusing. my original draft explained every thing but was running into 3 pages.

 

Here's the time line - In India you do a basic medical degree called MBBS which is 5 1/2 years including compulsory clerkship or internship as it is called. after which you can practise medicine, surgery and OB/GYN. If you want, you can do your masters ( MD) which is about 3 years again depending on the speciality you choose. so i finished my MBBS, i was planning to do my MD here in US instead of India but couldnt do it.  I came to US in 2003 but i was moving in and out of US because of the commitments of taking care of my dad off and on. I gave all my USMLE exams and i am ECFMG certified means that i can apply for residency here US and get my MD degree but now a days the residency programs have become very tough for old graduates. most of the residency programs take candidates who are new graduates ( with in last 5 years) and handful go to a maximum of 10 years, even though you were a practising physician. More over most of the residencies needs hands on experience of 6 months to 1 year here in US, which is next to impossible without a license. I tried for 2 years but at 46 years of age i cant keep waiting for things to work and my wife and son are settled here and have no plans of moving to India. so even that option of going back and practising medicine is not there. so joined college here to do the prerequisites for PA program. Medicine is the only thing i know so i just want to continue in that profession. Hope this cleared few of your doubts.

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