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Personal Statement Draft, PLEASE HELP!!! (Will return the favor)

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One afternoon after being in the Emergency Department for numerous hours, the floor physician informed my family and I that my brother was diagnosed with advanced Ulcer Colitis. For a whole year I watched as my brother went from being extremely active to being unable to get out of bed on his own. I watched the drastic weight lose, the frequent trips to the restroom, and how depressed he felt about having a permanent ileostomy. It was in that year that I experienced my first glimpse of the Physician Assistant (PA) profession. Alex, the gastroenterologist PA that cared of my brother, worked alongside the physician in a synergistic union to provide my brother with the best possible treatment, while taking the time to explain specific procedures and comfort my parents and I. One Sunday morning my brother had to be rushed into emergency surgery. He developed a severe case of peritonitis, which almost cost him his life. Throughout the surgery, Alex made sure to come out every couple of hours to keep us informed about the procedure and clearly explained what was to come in the following days for my brother. At the successful completion of the surgery, Alex called my brother a “miracle champion”. I was very impressed by how involved Alex was with my brother’s case that it awakened my interest for the PA profession.

My brother’s health issues are one of the many life challenges that molded me into the strong person I am today. At the age of 4, my family and I migrated to the United States from Colombia. With limited belongings and minimal familiarity of the American culture, we were able to slowly acclimate. The first few months of school were tough. I had no knowledge of the language, which made it hard to communicate with both my classmates and teachers. My parent’s inability to speak English made it difficult for them to guide me through my homework. Seeing that my grades were in jeopardy, I decided to look up words in the dictionary and watch English cartoons in order to pick up the language. By the time I entered 1st grade I was fluent in English and able to tackle homework on my own. Since neither my parents nor my brother went away for college, I felt as though I had a late start compared to my friends, whose parents advised them about life away from home, how to get involved in school, and the proper steps to apply to college. Although I did not receive the same guidance, I was capable of applying to scholarships and programs on my own. Exposure to such incidents made me grow as a person. It allowed me to be a more goal-oriented and strong-minded individual and taught me how to preserver through difficult times, which are all qualities I hope to exercise throughout PA school.

During my undergraduate studies, I was able to experience a multitude of cultures and backgrounds. Hearing about other countries and the living conditions that some of their citizens live in reminded me of where I came from. I always knew I wanted to make a difference and lend a hand to those who needed it the most. Granted the chance to be part of a medical mission trip to Ecuador through the MEDLIFE organization, I was able to provide attention to medically undeserved populations. I worked under the supervision of the physicians by taking vitals, asking patients about their specific symptoms, and even assisting in minor surgical procedures. Providing medical aid to communities that are underserved allowed me to grasp a better understanding of why the PA profession was originally founded. Becoming a PA will allow me to assists those who have been less privileged of obtaining adequate access to healthcare.

Continuing to broaden my experiences, I had the chance to shadow a couple of PAs that further expanded my knowledge of the PA profession. Given the opportunity to shadow Jared Johnson, an orthopedic PA at Tallahassee Memorial Hospital, I witness everything from fractured bones, bursas, arthritis, hip and knee replacements, and sport related injuries. I also shadowed Gina, a pediatrics dermatologist PA, where I learned a great deal on how to treat melanomas, acne, vitiligo, and alopecia. Both of these PAs possessed similar qualities. They both took their time with each patient, thoroughly explaining their diagnosis and attentively giving each patient their options of treatment.  Teamwork was an essential component exercise by both PAs. The physician-physician assistant dynamic was demonstrated thoroughly. The PAs compassion, dedication for their patients, and their knowledge of the medical field are all qualities that allowed me to see why I am so passionate in becoming a physician assistant and are attributes I hope to acquire and convey to my patients.

All these experiences have shaped me into the person I am today and the person I want to become tomorrow. Shadowing and volunteering has motivated me to become a better version of myself by working endlessly and serving mercifully. My life challenges have not only taught me valuable lessons but have also provided a strong foundation of the person I have become. If there is something I learned from all my experiences is that there is more to this profession than just saving lives. It is about the personal connections you make with your patients and their families and about the belief you instill on others for a brighter tomorrow. Having the chance to be a part of team – whether it be while attending PA school or working in the field – will enhance my role as a professional. I am looking forward to this next journey in my life and hope to bring exceptional healthcare.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I tend to be brutal when I edit so don't take things personally.


1) you need to carefully look over your grammer. Run grammer check on your essay. For example  "my parents and I" should be "my parents and me".

2) spelling - "drastic weight lose"  loss not lose

3) You use words that are correct in their deffinition, but they interupt the flow of the sentece.  "One afternoon after being in the Emergency Department for numerous hours" flows poorly. Whereas, "One afternoon after being in the Emergency Department for several hours" flows easier.

4) Try taking out the superfluous words - those that do not have a specific function within the senetence. "For a whole year" can be changed to "For a year". This will give you some extra space.


My suggestion is to record yourself reading the essay outloud. You may hear the problems easier than you can read them. After you have read something a few times, it is too easy to read through the mistakes.

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