Final Draft-- any suggestions?

[Katier123]

I tried to avoid an overly dramatic storyline and focus on why I want to be a PA. Suggestions on content or flow? 

 

 

I watch the sawtooth p-wave pattern on the ECG machine and promptly hit print. His ECG looks noticeably different than that of a month prior. It is a textbook waveform of atrial flutter. Glancing back at the patient on the exam table, he smiles and teases me about taking my time reviewing the results. He assures me that he feels fine, but has missed doses of his medications over the past few days, which includes Digoxin. It is the beginning of the summer and due to his chaotic schedule, he skipped picking up refills of most of his medications.

           

Numerous chronic conditions require medications, lifestyle changes, or surgical intervention to prolong health. As a graduate student I studied adjustment to chronic illness. My master’s thesis concluded that the greatest predictor of adjustment is the identity of the condition and the perceived consequence. Patients who are surprised by a diagnosis are often overwhelmed, which can lead to ambivalence. Patient engagement is essential to empowering them to be an active participant in treatment decisions. I appreciate the value of taking time to discuss a surgical technique, medication, or test result. As a clinical research coordinator (CRC) I have honed my communication skills to efficiently explain technical information to ensure questions are appropriately answered, while expressing compassion and empathy. I have a self-starter personality that proactively addresses knowledge gaps. However, I often feel restricted by the scope of my role and the research protocols. By becoming a PA, I would use my ability as an effective communicator to educate and positively impact their quality of life.

           

I prop the exam table up and explain that I was going to find a clinician. After discussing the situation with the MD, she dials the cardiologist’s office and puts the phone on speaker. As a private research center, we defer to the patient’s primary provider for any non-study related health matters. I review the situation with the nurse manager. She informs us the cardiologist is on vacation and if concerns exist, the patient should be referred to the ER.

           

The transition to a clinical role as a PA would allow me to actively contribute to a dynamic healthcare system. PAs improve access to timely care by diagnosing illnesses, interpreting test results, assisting with surgical procedures, and developing treatment plans. Working as a healthcare provider demands that one be detail-oriented and analytical. I understand the importance of analyzing an ECG or a trending lab value; although, this information is of little benefit until it is correctly interpreted by the treatment team and shared with the patient. In order to manage research patients successfully, it is vital that I actively engage the referring clinician, ancillary providers, and investigators to ensure that the clinical trial is appropriate for the patient. These actions help maintain continuity of care. My responsibilities to perform basic clinical assessments, coordinate procedures, and provide follow-up for lab results and the medications supplied have prepared me well for a career as a PA.

           

We return to the patient’s room and proceed to explain the situation. Without hesitation the patient calls his cardiologist’s mobile and hands me the phone. I explain the circumstances to the MD. He does not feel a visit to the ER is warranted and agrees to continue the patient’s medication schedule, pending the results of stat labs. I quickly write down the instructions and repeat them back. I review the new medication course with the patient and explain the importance of each. I continue with my schedule, pausing to call the patient with results of the labs and confirm he picked up his medications before leaving for my evening class.

           

Over the past several years I have taken the prerequisite coursework while working fulltime, all with the aspiration of matriculating into a PA program. The challenge of being a working professional has been daunting, but also very rewarding. I do find satisfaction in my career as a CRC; the diverse studies I manage provide new opportunities to learn about medicine, diagnostics, and patient care. I utilize the knowledge gained from my coursework to safely manage clinical situations like atrial flutter, hypoglycemia, or a hip fracture. The vast array of conditions that I have been exposed is not by mistake; these experiences gained in research inspire me to further my understanding of biologic processes and therapeutics. The extensive clinical training of a PA would prepare me for a lifetime of efficient medical practice. 

           

My educational and clinical experiences are invaluable, serving as a foundation to build upon. I look forward to expanding my scope as a health care provider. I believe that the didactic and clinical training of a PA program would prepare me to provide pertinent clinical information and treatment recommendations that optimize patient outcomes. 

[lastone]

I am in no way an expert here, but I wanted to offer my feedback. I really like your writing style. It is clear and I understand exactly why you want to be a PA right away. I am going to give you honest feedback, as I would want someone to be honest with me about something so important!

 

1) The way you have written this with the story interspersed is very creative. It is also distracting.

2) The story is boring. Here's how it looks to me: Patient comes in. Patient is not compliant with his meds. You call his doctor, but the guy is on vacation. Then the patient calls him. His doctor tells him to take his meds. He says okay. You call to follow up. The end. B-O-R-I-N-G. 

3) I totally get that you are showing your level of compassion by calling this patient later to follow up. But that could be added as a one- or two-sentence anecdote. 

4) The sentence about honing your communication skills is awesome. I like it. I like it a lot.  

5) Below I pasted your statement without the fluffy story and a few editorial suggestions. Unless you can use this story/patient to show how you learned/realized something, or further explain why you want to be a PA, it looks like proverbial "fluff" to me. 

HTH. Feel like returning the favor? http://www.physicianassistantforum.com/index.php?/topic/18803-final-draft-strong-enough-thoughts-plz/

 

Numerous chronic conditions require medications, lifestyle changes, or surgical intervention to prolong health. As a graduate student I studied adjustment to chronic illness. My master’s thesis concluded that the greatest predictor of adjustment is the identity of the condition and the perceived consequence. Patients who are surprised by a diagnosis are often overwhelmed, which can lead to ambivalence. Patient engagement is essential to empowering them to be an active participants in treatment decisions. I appreciate the value of taking time to discuss a surgical technique, medication, or test result. As a clinical research coordinator (CRC) I have honed my communication skills to efficiently explain technical information to ensure questions are appropriately answered, while expressing compassion and empathy. I have a self-starter personality that passion for education and proactively addresses knowledge gaps. However, I often feel restricted by the scope of my role and the research protocols. By becoming a PA, I would use my ability as an effective communicator to educate and positively impact their patients' quality of life.

The transition to a clinical role as a PA would allow me to actively contribute to a dynamic healthcare system. PAs improve access to timely care by diagnosing illnesses, interpreting test results, assisting with surgical procedures, and developing treatment plans. Working as a healthcare provider demands that one be detail-oriented and analytical. I understand the importance of analyzing an ECG or a trending lab value; although, this information is of little benefit until it is correctly interpreted by the treatment team and shared with the patient. In order to manage research patients successfully, it is vital that I actively engage the referring clinician, ancillary providers, and investigators to ensure that the clinical trial is appropriate for the patient. These actions help maintain continuity of care. My responsibilities to perform basic clinical assessments, coordinate procedures, and provide follow-up for lab results and the medications supplied have prepared me well for a career as a PA.

Over the past several years I have taken the prerequisite coursework while working fulltime full time, all with the aspiration of matriculating into a PA program. The challenge of being a working professional has been daunting, but also very rewarding. I do find satisfaction in my career as a CRC; the diverse studies I manage provide new opportunities to learn about medicine, diagnostics, and patient care. I utilize the knowledge gained from my coursework to safely manage clinical situations like atrial flutter, hypoglycemia, or a hip fracture. The vast array of conditions that I have been exposed is not by mistake; these experiences gained in research inspire me to further my understanding of biologic processes and therapeutics. The extensive clinical training of a PA would prepare me for a lifetime of efficient medical practice. 

           

My educational and clinical experiences are invaluable, serving as a foundation to build upon. I look forward to expanding my scope as a health care provider. I believe that the didactic and clinical training of a PA program would prepare me to provide pertinent clinical information and treatment recommendations that optimize patient outcomes.

[Katier123]

Wow-- thank you! I greatly appreciate the feedback. I am really trying to avoid the cliche overly-dramatic intro and get to the point of why I want to be a PA. I agree that I need to tie it with what I learned. I picked this situation because it was one that showed an issue of patient care that is common in healthcare, not a dramatic emergency. In regards to how the I alternated the paragraphs, I had it the other way (story first, then about me) and did not really like it. 

[lastone]

A lot of people are doing the dramatic intro it seems! Some of the stuff I've seen is just too funny. I wrote probably 4 or 5 final (I thought) drafts before I finally had one that worked. I don't think an admissions committee is going to get all excited reading about something that is common in healthcare if it doesn't tell them anything about you as a person or as a provider. If you can think of a situation that will show them both, that would be perfect. I just don't think this particular story is helping you at all. My first draft started out with a story about a guy who wasn't compliant with his meds, too. I'm so so so glad I'm not submitting that one! 

[Katier123]

There are a lot of dramatic essays and it is really tempting to go that route. You make an excellent point that I need to tie it in more about myself as a provider.  Again, thank you for taking the time to look it over and make some edits. I really appreciate your input! 

[paproof]

Yeah I wouldn't stick with that overall theme.  Space should be spent pointing out your strengths as a candidate rather than a drawn-out story. 

[Katier123]

Thank you paproof! I shaved down the story part and modified it so that the focus was on my background and experiences.