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Close to final draft. Any and all critiques are appreciated!


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I am very close to a final draft and submitting my CASPA applications. I would really appreciate any feedback you can provide. Do I need to add more about why specifically PA or do you think it works as is? Do I need to add anything else in detail or take anything out? Thanks in advance (: 

 

 

 

 

I stepped off a plane and into a place unlike anything I had seen before. Everything surrounding me was different shades of green and natural beauty. I was amazed by how different things could look outside of the United States, especially since Costa Rica was my first experience outside of the country. I was extremely nervous to be in a new country without a single familiar person, but my nerves did not deter my excitement. I was about to be a part of something remarkable: a mission trip to set up free clinics and provide medical services in underserved communities.

 

Nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to see on that trip. Within just forty miles, the beauty started to dwindle away. The feeling of excitement that overtook me my first couple of days was replaced with sadness and disbelief. I did not think it was possible to build a house out of a few pieces of sheet metal and some chunks of wood. I was wrong. Murky streams were flowing through the clutter of houses and it was unsettling to see young children with torn, dirty clothes drinking the water without a second thought. 

 

My heart melted as I saw two big, innocent eyes look up at me, changing from wary to trustful as I placed the stethoscope onto his chest so he could listen to his own heartbeat. It was our second day in the clinic and I had seen more children sick and in pain than I could bare. I felt terrible for never truly realizing just how little some people have. Being in the clinics and the communities opened my eyes to that and a whole lot more. Seeing the smiles on the patients’ faces, as they left the clinics with a little more hope, was such a rewarding feeling. I felt blessed knowing that I was able to help change the lives of so many people. I was even more blessed with the pleasure of having those people change my life as well. The trip was not just about how I was able to help others, but also how others helped me see a clearer view of the world and learn more about myself as a person and future health care provider.

 

It was clear to me after my time spent in Costa Rica that pursuing a career in medicine was the right path for me to continue on. I had been introduced to the Physician Assistant profession not long before beginning my undergraduate studies and since then, I have explored multiple careers in the medical field. However, my interests always seem to make their way back to becoming a PA. While shadowing a PA in a family health center, I was able to get a better understanding of the profession and a clearer sense of exactly why I am drawn to it so much. Within just a single day, I came to greatly appreciate the relationship between a PA and the supervising physician. Both working together toward a shared goal, while still holding their individual freedom. I loved observing as the PA always had the option of consulting with her supervising physician about a specific diagnosis, treatment, or medication. Throughout all of my experiences I have worked closely with a variety of patients and clinicians, observing the interactions they have with each other on a daily basis. With the personal interactions and the widespread scope of practice, the PA profession presents itself as the perfect fit for me.

 

There is nothing more satisfying than being involved in another person’s life. I have been directly involved in health care for two years and every day has been a wonderful blessing. I have bonded with patients and their families, heard endless heart-warming stories, and seen faces glaze over with happiness as patients reach a new goal in their healing process. It doesn’t get any better than living a life where I get to experience this every day.  While I deeply value all of my clinical experiences, nothing has made me more certain of a career in medicine than my work in Costa Rica. I stepped off a plane unaware and unconstrained, and back on again ten days later dedicated to a lifetime of helping others in need. Hearing about the positive influence I have had in patients’ lives keeps me going and I aspire to be this kind of influence for years to come. Becoming a Physician Assistant is more than just my desired career path. It is about living out my passion at the benefit of others and touching the lives of other people, as so many continue to touch mine.

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Looking good.

 

However, at the end of paragraph 4 I would point out that there exist a myriad of professions which claim personal interactions and wide scope of practice.  Counseling comes to mind right away.  I would change this to be more specific in order to show that you understand what role the PA plays in the medical model and where you see yourself fitting into that scheme.

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Thanks for the advice! I was also a little skeptical about this part of the essay as well. I have added some more specifics that tie in better with my entire essay. I am not sure if it flows well together. If you could take another quick read of my changes and let me know what you think I would really appreciate it. Thank!!

 

 

 

 

I stepped off a plane and into a place unlike anything I had seen before. Everything surrounding me was different shades of green and natural beauty. I was amazed by how different things could look outside of the United States, especially since Costa Rica was my first experience outside of the country. I was extremely nervous to be in a new country without a single familiar person, but my nerves did not deter my excitement. I was about to be a part of something remarkable: a mission trip to set up free clinics and provide medical services in underserved communities.

 

Nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to see on that trip. Within just forty miles, the beauty started to dwindle away. The feeling of excitement that overtook me my first couple of days was replaced with sadness and disbelief. I did not think it was possible to build a house out of a few pieces of sheet metal and some chunks of wood. I was wrong. Murky streams were flowing through the clutter of houses and it was unsettling to see young children with torn, dirty clothes drinking the water without a second thought. 

 

My heart melted as I saw two big, innocent eyes look up at me, changing from wary to trustful as I placed the stethoscope onto his chest so he could listen to his own heartbeat. It was our second day in the clinic and I had seen more children sick and in pain than I could bare. I felt terrible for never truly realizing just how little some people have. Being in the clinics and the communities opened my eyes to that and a whole lot more. Seeing the smiles on the patients’ faces, as they left the clinics with a little more hope, was such a rewarding feeling. I felt blessed knowing that I was able to help change the lives of so many people. I was even more blessed with the pleasure of having those people change my life as well. The trip was not just about how I was able to help others, but also how others helped me see a clearer view of the world and learn more about myself as a person and future health care provider.

 

It was clear to me after my time spent in Costa Rica that pursuing a career in medicine was the right path for me to continue on. I had been introduced to the Physician Assistant profession not long before beginning my undergraduate studies and since then, I have explored multiple careers in the medical field. However, my interests always seem to make their way back to becoming a PA.  While shadowing a PA in a family health center, I was able to get a better understanding of the profession and a clearer sense of exactly why I am drawn to it so much. Within just a single day, I came to greatly appreciate the relationship between a PA and the supervising physician. Both working together toward a shared goal, while still holding their individual freedom. I loved observing as the PA always had the option of consulting with her supervising physician about a specific diagnosis, treatment, or medication. Throughout all of my experiences I have worked closely with a variety of patients and clinicians, observing the interactions they have with each other on a daily basis. With the close patient interactions and the widespread scope of practice, the PA profession presents itself as the perfect fit for me. As a Physician Assistant, I would be a part of improving the quality of care for each patient by extending the services provided by physicians and increasing overall access to healthcare for patients in need. The significant role that PA’s play in healthcare is important to me because it could make all the difference in underserved areas, such as those in Costa Rica. This is something I hope to one day be a part of.

 

There is nothing more satisfying than being involved in another person’s life. I have been directly involved in health care for two years and every day has been a wonderful blessing. I have bonded with patients and their families, heard endless heart-warming stories, and seen faces glaze over with happiness as patients reach a new goal in their healing process. It doesn’t get any better than living a life where I get to experience this every day.  While I deeply value all of my clinical experiences, nothing has made me more certain of a career in medicine than my work in Costa Rica. I stepped off a plane unaware and unconstrained, and back on again ten days later dedicated to a lifetime of helping others in need. Hearing about the positive influence I have had in patients’ lives keeps me going and I aspire to be this kind of influence for years to come. Becoming a Physician Assistant is more than just my desired career path. It is about living out my passion at the benefit of others and touching the lives of other people, as so many continue to touch mine.

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·         Hello, I just added a few minor edits to make it read better.

·         Your experience in Costa Rica seems to be the main focus/reason behind your decision to pursue medicine., but I didn’t really understand what you did in Costa Rica except that it was something health-related. How exactly did you help “change the lives” of so many people? And how did you know that you changed their lives?  I suggest you expand more on your responsibilities in Costa Rica and compare it to how as a PA, you could have a bigger impact  on that same community (i.e undeserved communities) compared to your current experience there

·         Overall I think your essay is well-written and clearly shows passion. Good luck!

 

I stepped off a plane and into a place unlike anything I had seen before. Everything surrounding me was different diverse (you use “different” again in the next sentence) shades of green and natural beauty. I was amazed by how different things could look outside of the United States, especially since Costa Rica was my first experience outside of the country. I was extremely nervous to be in a new country without a single familiar person, but my nerves did not deter my excitement. I was about to be a part of something remarkable: a mission trip to set up free clinics and provide medical services in underserved communities. (I like your intro!)

 

Nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to see on that trip. Within just forty miles, the beauty started to dwindle away. The feeling of excitement that overtook me my first couple of days was replaced with sadness and disbelief. I did not think it was possible to build a house out of a few pieces of sheet metal and some chunks of wood. I was wrong. Murky streams were flowing through the clutter of houses and it was unsettling to see young children with torn, dirty clothes drinking the water without a second thought. 

 

My heart melted as I saw two big, innocent eyes look up at me, changing from wary to trustful as I placed the stethoscope onto his chest so he could listen to his own heartbeat. It was our second day in the clinic and I had seen more children sick and in pain than I could bare bear (bear = tolerate/accept). I felt terrible for never truly realizing just how little some people have. Being in the clinics and the communities opened my eyes to that and a whole lot more. Seeing the smiles on the patients’ faces, as they left the clinics with a little more hope, was such a rewarding feeling. I felt blessed knowing that I was able to helped change the lives of so many people. I was even more blessed with the pleasure of having those people change my life as well. The trip was not just about how I was able to help others, but also how others helped me see a clearer view of the world and learn more about myself as a person and future health care provider.

 

It was clear to me after my time spent in Costa Rica that pursuing a career in medicine was the right path for me to continue on. I had been introduced to the Physician Assistant profession not long before beginning my undergraduate studies and since then, I have explored multiple careers in the medical field. However, my interests always seem to make their way back to becoming a PA.  While shadowing a PA in a family health center, I was able to get a better understanding of the profession and a clearer sense of exactly why I am drawn to it so much. Within just a single day, I came to greatly appreciate the relationship between a PA and the supervising physician; (semicolon inserted) both working worked together toward a shared goal, while still holding their individual freedom. I loved observing as how the PA always had the option of consulting with her supervising physician about a specific diagnosis, treatment, or medication. Throughout all of my experiences I have worked closely with a variety of patients and clinicians, observing the interactions they have with each other on a daily basis. With the close patient interactions and the widespread scope of practice, the PA profession presents itself as the perfect fit for me. As a Physician Assistant, I would be a part of improving the quality of care for each patient by extending the services provided by physicians and increasing overall access to healthcare for patients in need. The significant role that PAs (no apostrophe) play in healthcare is important to me because it could make all the difference in underserved areas, such as those in Costa Rica. This is something I hope to one day be a part of.

 

There is nothing more satisfying than being involved in another person’s life (I don’t really like this ; “being involved in another person’s life” is a very general/vague statement. This paragraph works well with the next sentence as the starter) I have been directly involved in health care for two years and every day has been a wonderful blessing. I have bonded with patients and their families, heard endless heart-warming stories, and seen faces glaze over with happiness as patients reach a new goal in their healing process. It doesn’t get any better than living a life where I get to experience this every day.  While I deeply value all of my clinical experiences, nothing has made me more certain of a career in medicine than my work in Costa Rica. I stepped off a plane unaware and unconstrained, and back on again ten days later dedicated to a lifetime of helping others in need. Hearing about the positive influence I have had in patients’ lives keeps me going and I aspire to be this kind of influence for years to come. Becoming a Physician Assistant is about more than just my desired career path. It is about living out my passion at the benefit of others and touching the lives of other people, as so many continue to touch mine.

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I think the first two sentences in paragraph four could each be Topic Sentences. The transition from the first sentence to the second sentence does not flow properly. Just my humble opinion. I would also try to answer the question right up front; why do you want become a physician assistant ? The you can support that answer with all of the great information you provide in the body of your essay. Remember , committee members read hundreds of essays and your goal should be to grab the reader's attention immediately.

 

As a former admissions committee member at Yale's PA program, I can tell you from personal experience that the essay can make or break your chances of getting an interview! If you would like more information visit my website, andrewrodican.com, and email me with any questions.

 

Best of luck

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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