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Third draft, please feel free to comment and critique


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My path to medicine began long ago when I found myself in the hospital because of a tragic accident. At age ten, I had two broken legs, three broken bones two front incisors were damaged in the accident. This tragic event inspired me to use my accident for a purpose. Seeing how so many different workers in the medical field took time to help me heal and recover from my injuries helped incite a desire to pay that same aid forward to others in need.  One role in particular, which really sparked my interest in the medical field, was the role of a physician assistant. It was not until I started an internship at Riverside Community Hospital called, Clinical Care Extenders that I first encountered what a physician assistant does. Rotating through various floors of the hospital, I came across one that stood out… the emergency room. For over a year, I became exposed to the three main medical providers: nurses, physicians, and physician assistants. Each medical provider plays a part in ensuring exceptional patient care. Nurses, for example take on the role of providing most of the patient care, while a physician gives a patient the diagnosis and course of treatment. Physician assistants on the other hand get to combine both skills. Physician assistants both provide the diagnosis and the course of treatment as well receive direct interaction with patients as nurses do.

I believe my current volunteer work continues to help me develop the skills needed to communicate with patients effective. As a volunteer I get the hands on experience with patients, each patient that I interact with gave me the reassures that becoming a physician assistant was the right career path for me. As a clinical care volunteer I am able to assist patients in daily activities such as bathing, hygiene, feeding and vital signs. Every patient that I have ever encounter with has motivate me to study harder, to severe more compassionately and to work relentlessly. Through my volunteer work at Riverside Community Hospital I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to shadow a few emergency room physician assistants. I was able witness a few physician assistants in both the triage and fast track area. I was impressed with the vast amount of responsibility and independence a physician assistant could have. The physician assistants in the emergency room are able to work autonomously and but still have the availability of a physician if needed. Not to mention that they are the one that first examine the patient within the emergency room; they decide whether their symptoms are acute or chronic and whether belong in fast track or the main emergency room. 

 When I become a physician assistant I would like to provide health care to those that are unprivileged in different regions of the west coast such as, Riverside or Las Vegas, Nevada. I have a desire to help those in these regions due to the great impact working with underprivileged families had on me. I worked at a behavioral health management center in Las Vegas, Nevada called Assurant Health that dealt with destitute families and individuals with mental illnesses. As a volunteer I really had an opportunity to see how much of a necessity medical treatment is for those that do not have the same privileges as other individuals. With many disadvantages already, it really frustrates me to see how so many people are given quick and rushed treatment because there is a lack of staff members or funding in most hospitals. The necessity for health providers in certain under-served areas is very much apparent. For this reason, I aspire to work in a diverse setting that will provide me with a strong clinical foundation to fulfill my goals to make an impact in this field. My decision to pursue a career as a physician assistant is one that I uphold with honor and knowledge, as well as with great passion. It warms my heart to know that I have the potential to be a catalyst in making achievements in this particular role in the future.

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It is too short.

 

I would never make a statement such as "nurses take on the role of providing most of the patient care".  Just take that whole section out.  The people reading this essay don't need told what healthcare providers do.  It's meant to be about why YOU want to be a Physician Assistant (notice capitalized?) and what would make you a better one than the competition.  This essay seems to need a lot of work.  I would try and step back and reevaluate how each topic you included in this essay is relevant and answers the prompt. 

 

We all have a desire to help people, stating is comes across as weak and something I think adcoms will see in every essay but if you can illustrate a patient experience it shows much more about you.

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My path to medicine began long ago when I found myself in the hospital because of a tragic accident. At age ten, I had two broken legs, three broken bones two front incisors were damaged in the accident. Grammar?  This tragic you already used the word "tragic" event inspired me to use my accident for a purpose. Seeing how so many different workers in the medical field took time to help me heal and recover from my injuries helped incite a desire to pay that same forward to others in need.  You should combine the two previous sentences One role in particular, no comma needed which that really sparked my interest in the medical field, was the role of a physician assistant. It was not until I started an internship at Riverside Community Hospital called, why is there a comma here Clinical Care Extenders that I first encountered what a physician assistant does. Rotating through various floors of the hospital, I came across one that stood out… do not use informal writing in the PS, like elipses the emergency room. For over a year, I became does "became exposed" make sense to you? exposed to the three main medical providers: nurses, physicians, and physician assistants. Would re-consider calling them the "three main medical providers" Each medical provider plays a part in ensuring exceptional patient care. Nurses, for example take on the role of providing most of the patient care, while a physician gives a patient the diagnosis and course of treatment. Physician assistants on the other hand get to combine both skills. Physician assistants both provide the diagnosis and the course of treatment as well receive direct interaction with patients as nurses do. Please re-consider everything in bold.

I believe my current volunteer work continues to help me develop the skills needed to communicate with patients effective.
"patients effective"? As a volunteer I get the hands on hands-on experience with patients, each patient that I interact with gave me the reassures grammar that becoming a physician assistant was the right career path for me. grammar As a clinical care volunteer I am able to assist patients in daily activities such as bathing, hygiene, feeding and vital signs. Every patient that I have ever encounter grammar with has motivate grammar me to study harder, to severe ??? more compassionately and to work relentlessly. Through my volunteer work at Riverside Community Hospital I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to shadow a few emergency room physician assistants. I was able witness a few physician assistants in both the triage and fast track area. don't be repetitive, just say all of this in one sentence I was impressed with the vast amount of responsibility and independence aphysician assistant could have. The physician assistants in the emergency room are able to work autonomously and but still have the availability of a physician if needed. Not to mention don't write informally that they are the one that first examine the patient within the emergency room; this is not true for most EDs they decide whether their symptoms are acute or chronic and whether belong in fast track or the main emergency room

 When I become a physician assistant I would like to provide health care to those that are unprivileged in different regions of the west coast such as, Riverside or Las Vegas, Nevada. I hope you are applying to only west coast schools I have a desire to help those in these regions due to the great impact working with underprivileged families had on me. I worked at a behavioral health management center in Las Vegas, Nevada called Assurant Health that dealt with destitute families and individuals with mental illnesses. As a volunteer I really had an opportunity to see how much of a necessity medical treatment is for those that do not have the same privileges as other individuals. With many disadvantages already, it really frustrates me don't be informal to see how so many people are given quick and rushed treatment because there is a lack of staff members or funding in most hospitals. The necessity for health providers in certain under-served areas is very much apparent. For this reason, I aspire to work in a diverse setting that will provide me with a strong clinical foundation to fulfill my goals to make an impact in this field. My decision to pursue a career as a physician assistant is one that I uphold with honor and knowledge, as well as with great passion. It warms my heart to know that I have the potential to be a catalyst in making achievements in this particular role in the future.

 
Needs a lot of re-writing and revision. The grammar is awful. The essay is also on the short side. It mostly just comes off as a glorified explanation of your healthcare experience. You really need to step back and re-evaluate the theme of your essay, and consider adding concrete examples/stories from your experience that show you know what a PA does and why you want to be one.
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My biggest concern that this is so cliche that it is boring to read... 10yo, broke bones, in the hospital, lots of people, healing miracle... c'mon. The only thing worse would be "when a foggy mist of anesthesia started to wear off I saw a smiling face whose badge said Joe Doe, PA-C..."

 

And you finish that you want to work with underprivileged... yet as a cynical adult I wonder if every prospect wants to do it, why there is a ton of openings there and they pay off your loans yet all the PA boards are filled with Qs "where are the decent paying jobs in NYC"...

 

BE YOU! Write something about you so people want to meet you and ask to tell them more about it. There should be something, right?

 

Sorry for the tone, nothing personal

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No need to explain the role's of other healthcare providers. Doesn't seem like there's much about you. "I have a desire to help those in these regions due to the great impact working with underprivileged families had on me." Everyone says that, but back it up and show them why. This needs alot of work, but I wish you luck. 

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