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First draft- looking for feedback and criticism!

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So far so good. I like that you linked the story of the oncology patients' courage and determination with the path you've chosen to take on. As with most first drafts, there are issues with grammar and sentence structure which are easily fixable. That said, I enjoyed the content and how you presented it.


Try to refrain from stating your resume ~ you received both your EMT and CNA licenses because that's just wasted space. Adcoms are already aware of your licenses and certifications. Instead, try expanding on what that meant for your personal growth. For example, "Having the ability to quickly rule out life threatening illnesses as an EMT, but still knew how to talk to a patient on a personal level as a CNA, will serve me well as a future PA."


Some sentences are wordy, but if you take the time to go through each and revise sentence structure (pressure yourself to remove excessive 'I') you can cut it down to 4000 characters which will flow better.


Welcome to the forum. Pay it forward by reading and critiquing other personal statements. Individuals will be more inclined to help you out as well.  

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