Second-Draft - Please explain why you are interested in being a Physician Assistant.

[juiceny]

       Sam’s beeper fervently went off reading the message: 64 y.o.m. with hypertension at 202/90, pls come see pt.  A subtle smile masked by a stern look appeared on my face, “going to our first call Sam?” I asked with a disciplined tone trying to hide my excitement.   A grin appeared on his face, confirmed with a head nod to answer the obviously enthused question, “yup you got it,” said Sam.   We rushed two flights of stairs to the orthopedic floor to a group of nurses concerned about the patient being paged.  I stood silently, yet attentively next to Sam to see his next plan of action.  He received verbal report from the charge nurse and examined the patient’s vital signs. I could tell by his reaction the patient was not doing too well.

 

        He introduced me to the nurses and they all looked at me with a welcoming smile.  “Alright Eddie, let’s embark on our journey,” he emphatically said.  We marched into the patient’s room and presented a warm introductory greeting, “Hello, my name is Sam the Physician Assistant and this is Edward a pre-PA student who is shadowing me tonight.  Is it alright if he is here with me while I take a look at you?” Sam asked.  The patient gestured a thumbs up to me and a wide smile that raised his nasal cannula that was tightly snug under his nose.  I immediately pulled out my pen and pad and began taking notes.  “This is awesome,” I thought to myself.  The patient complained of severe pain, and upon Sam’s physical assessment he noted hematoma on the right lateral aspect of his neck with moderate drainage from the incision site, but didn’t appear to be obstructing his airway.  Still concerned, Sam contacted the ortho-resident and made aware of the clinical finding.  The night continued with swift and coordinated actions between the nurses, the ortho-resident and Sam.  The night grew steadily busy and I could not have been happier I had my running sneakers on that night.  I discovered a profound new meaning of power-walking after going up and down flights of stairs answering pages Sam received.  The first day of shadowing felt rather second nature to me because the very reasons why I wanted to become a Physician Assistant (PA) were strongly reaffirmed by every action that I saw that night shadowing a PA.

 

         There are three main reasons why I want to be a PA.  Firstly, as a team-oriented person I understand and admire the PA role in the medical field.  I recognized there is a higher hierarchy of command a PA must follow, and there is a boundary and limit a PA must work within to provide their standard of care.  I am comfortable with working as a part of a team and following the higher command.  Secondly, I have a profound interest in how things are connected particularly when trying to find out what is wrong with the human body when it is not in good health.  While interning with the EMS Fallon Ambulance I was able to take the patient’s vital signs with the supervision of the EMT and interact with patients with various medical problems.  It was intriguing putting together pieces of the puzzle. From taking the patient’s vital signs with the findings from the primary assessment, we were able to figure out the possible cause of the patient’s chief of complaint and pre-treat the patient before hospitalization.  Shadowing Sam I notice as a PA you have to make those connections with all of the findings of the patient as well as working with a team of healthcare providers. Thirdly, because I enjoy interacting with people, I have developed a strong skill in communication.  During the ambulance rides I liked conversing with the patients to both find out their chief of complaints as well as make them feel at ease and comfortable.  Working as a Unit Coordinator in Newton Wellesley Hospital, I was constantly interacting with the staff and non-staff of the hospital, so I was able to see how important it is to have strong communication system with a healthcare team in order to make prudent decisions to care for the patient.  Shadowing Sam, I clearly saw how a PA communicated within the scope of practice.

 

        The next day when I went for shadowing I was eager to find out what happened to my first patient Sam and I had that night.  Sam told me he ended up in the ICU that morning shortly after I left.  He progressively became worst and eventually expired that afternoon.  I was saddened to hear the news.  Even though my very first patient passed away, it was seeing the efficient teamwork and the great communication handled effectively by all healthcare providers associates with the patient that made me feel confident in the role I would play as a PA.  It was midnight and not a sound was heard.  Sam and I talked about our favorite sport teams and suddenly his beeper went off.  He smiled at me and asked “Are you ready?”

[paproof]

Conclusion needs work.  You do a great job telling the story, but you could do a better job "promoting" yourself as a candidate.

[ashleybeck3]

I really enjoyed the story.  I think there needs to be a portion of the paper that you talk about what would make you a good PA.

[DiggySRNA]

Hello there fellow Bostonian,

 

Conclusion needs work.  You do a great job telling the story, but you could do a better job "promoting" yourself as a candidate.

I enjoyed the second paragraph. That said, I agree with paproof that your conclusion needs work.  

 

Sounds like you have great PCE & HCE, but you do a lot of telling when it comes to describing your personality and ability to relate to others. For example; "Thirdly, because I enjoy interacting with people, I have developed a strong skill in communication."  Describe a story pertaining to one of your EMS ride-alongs where you conversed with a patient. You know, that little ol' lady who called because she felt lonely and needed someone to talk to. Or arriving on scene where an angry parent was breathing down your neck as you assessed their child, but you managed to keep calm while under pressure.

 

This is a good start, but if you hit the key points; your personal attributes that will make you an excellent clinician, HCE/PCE experience, and goals as a PA, you will draft a phenomenal essay.

 

 

Good luck, because I know you're wicked smaaht.

[Topsy]

Pls help, need feedback would be great! Thanks!

Sam’s beeper fervently went off reading the message: 64 y.o.m. with hypertension at 202/90, pls come see pt. A subtle smile masked by a stern look appeared on my face, “going to our first call Sam?” I asked with a disciplined tone trying to hide my excitement. A grin appeared on his face, confirmed with a head nod to answer the obviously enthused question, “yup you got it,” said grinned Sam. We rushed two flights of stairs to the orthopedic floor to a group of nurses concerned about the patient being paged. I stood silently, yet attentively next to Sam to see his next plan of action. He We received verbal report from the charge nurse and examined the patient’s vital signs. I could tell by Sam's his reaction the patient was not doing too well.

He introduced me to the nurses and they all looked at me with a welcoming smile. “Alright Eddie, let’s embark on our journey,” he emphatically said. We marched into the patient’s room and presented a warm introductory greeting, “Hello, my name is Sam the Physician Assistant and this is Edward a pre-PA student who is shadowing me tonight. Is it alright if he is here with me while I take a look at you?” Sam asked. The patient gestured a thumbs up to me and a wide smile that raised his nasal cannula that was tightly snug under his nose. I immediately pulled out my pen and pad and began taking notes. “This is awesome,” I thought to myself. The patient complained of severe pain, and upon Sam’s physical assessment he noted hematoma on the right lateral aspect of his neck with moderate drainage from the incision site, but didn’t appear to be obstructing his airway. Still concerned, Sam contacted the ortho-resident and made him/her aware of the clinical finding and switfly directed the nurses regarding a plan of treatment. The night continued with swift and coordinated actions between the nurses, the ortho-resident and Sam (is this sentence regarding the 62 y/o pt only?) . The night grew steadily busy and I could not have been happier that I had my running sneakers on that night. I discovered a profound new meaning of power-walking after going up and down flights of stairs answering pages Sam received. The first day of shadowing felt rather second nature to me because the very reasons why I wanted to become a Physician Assistant (PA) were strongly reaffirmed by every action that I saw that night shadowing a PA (passive - instead of saying the reasons were reaffirmed, say that this day confirmed your reasons.)

There are three main reasons why I want to be a PA. Firstly, as a team-oriented person I understand and admire the PA role in the medical field. I recognized (why past tense all of a sudden?) there is a higher hierarchy of command a PA must follow, and there is a boundary and limit a PA must work within to provide their standard of care. I am comfortable with working as a part of a team and following the higher command. Secondly, I have a profound interest in how things are connected particularly when trying to find out what is wrong with the human body when it is not in good health. While interning with the EMS Fallon Ambulance I was able to take the patient’s vital signs with the supervision of the EMT and interact with patients with various medical problems. It was intriguing putting together pieces of the puzzle. From taking the patient’s vital signs with the findings from the primary assessment, we were able to figure out the possible cause of the patient’s chief of complaint and pre-treat the patient before hospitalization. Shadowing Sam I notice as a PA you have to make those connections with all of the findings of the patient as well as working with a team of healthcare providers. Thirdly, because I enjoy interacting with people, I have developed a strong skill in communication. During the ambulance rides I liked conversing with the patients to both find out their chief of complaints as well as make them feel at ease and comfortable. Working as a Unit Coordinator in Newton Wellesley Hospital, I was constantly interacting with the staff and non-staff of the hospital, so I was able to see how important it is to have strong communication system with a healthcare team in order to make prudent decisions to care for the patient. Shadowing Sam, I clearly saw how a PA communicated within the scope of practice.

The next day when I went for shadowing I was eager to find out what happened to my first patient Sam and I had that night. Sam told me he ended up in the ICU that morning shortly after I left. He progressively became worst and eventually expired that afternoon. I was saddened to hear the news. Even though my very first patient passed away, it was seeing the efficient teamwork and the great communication handled effectively by all healthcare providers associates with the patient that made me feel confident in the role I would play as a PA. It was midnight and not a sound was heard. Sam and I talked about our favorite sport teams and suddenly his beeper went off. He smiled at me and asked “Are you ready?”

 

• you're a very good writer! no grammar issues, good sentence variation. your style/content makes for an easy read.
• I agree w/ umbPA's and paproof's comments above. remember, you will be one applicant of a sea of other EMTS and paramedics. let's assume that they refer to applicants by noteworthy statements made in the PS (similiarly to how ppl tend to refer to patients by their diagnoses) - while others may be referred to as "student who went on missions trips to Haiti" or "40 y/o paramedic," base on this PS you will be... EMT...with sneakers...who liked shadowing from day 1.... I don't know what you're thinking about that title, but it sounds a little underwhelming to me. sell yourself like you would in a cover letter/resume (obviously not so stale!)
• you're spending 3/4 of your space recounting 1 story, and while you tell it well, it just comes across as 1 looooooong introduction, and then a quick paragraph about why you want to be a PA. Content-wise, I think the focus should be flipped around.
• you talk a lot about what you'd personally get out of being a PA (which is fine!), but if we're looking for content here, why not try to think about what being a PA and working in healthcare really mean in the big picture of things. for instance, you say you embrace the idea of working on a team. what else cound that mean? does that mean that you will simply work together with nurses/doctors and like it? or could that mean you will take specific steps to ensure that each and every one of your fellow PA classmates will succeed thru such a rigorous program?
• I think you really touched on why you'd be a good fit for PA and why it's a good fit for you. so really take it further. think about why you'd be an asset to a class of PA students. what can you offer the community as a PA? do you know what field you intend to practice, because if you have a specific mission in mind, that'd be good to know too. do you intend to be an advocate for this profession? addressing questions like this really help not only a PS, but help you know who you are for your interviews. it will show total strangers that you have great insight and maturity - when you can show that you've truly thought about all the angles about being a PA and what that really means - all the responsibily, the great impact you could have with such little gestures, etc - you'll know that you really "are ready"