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completely rewritten-some advice?

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I think I'm almost ready to submit...does anyone see anything glaring that should be changed? 


We all have dreams: what we want to become as adults, where we want to live, how we want to leave our imprint on the world. Some of us take longer than others to realize these dreams, and some realize them early in life and are lucky enough to be able to live them to the fullest.


My journey toward becoming a physician assistant began in a somewhat unlikely manner. I spent my senior year of undergrad looking into different programs that I might be more interested in than the one I was currently studying. I was all set to graduate and attend graduate school to become a speech-language pathologist until I realized that becoming an SLP wasn’t something I was passionate about. I felt like something was missing- I wanted to be more involved in medicine with the ability to see patients of all kinds and to be a part of the diagnostic team. I knew I would not be happy working as an SLP and decided to forego pursing that career past graduation. I took some time off from school and did some traveling, moved out of state and endured some family changes that eventually led me back home and to shadowing a PA at a local hospital.


After two days shadowing an emergency PA I knew this was something I was meant to do, something I could be passionate about. The very next semester I enrolled myself into an EMT program through the local EMS company in order to gain experience and began working on completing the prerequisite courses needed to be able to apply to PA school. I then began working as an emergency department technician at a small, non-profit trauma center and began working alongside PAs every single day. This only reaffirmed my drive to become a PA. I saw that physician assistants treated patients with the same level of acuity as the physicians, with almost the same case load throughout an 8-hour shift. I saw that PAs could bridge the gap left by the ever-changing health care reform and could allow for more patients to be seen and treated all while collaborating with the physicians and nurses on staff. Throughout my time working in the emergency department I have been exposed to PAs of all specialties from cardiology and internal medicine to interventional radiology and plastic surgery. I am excited to be able to explore the different specialties and to experience medicine as a physician assistant outside of the emergency department setting.


Although I grew up with a nurse for a mother it was never something I saw myself doing. Nurses are amazing, selfless people who are necessary to the healthcare field but I desire something different. I am more interested in the diagnostic portion of medicine, the how and the why. I briefly considered medical school but quickly realized the role of a PA fits my lifestyle much better. I enjoy the fact that PAs can switch specialties without adding a residency and that I could work in several settings at a time with relative ease, something that a physician might have a more difficult time doing.


I have proven myself ready for the rigorous schedule of a physician assistant student by often working more than 40-hour work weeks while still maintaining above average grades in the prerequisite courses. I will use the knowledge gained working in the emergency department to my advantage and I’m looking forward to all the things I have yet to learn. Although the path I have taken to get to this point in my life has been anything but ordinary, I am grateful for the experiences that I have been offered. I have finally realized my dreams and that is something I am proud of.

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Great rewrite! Seems to flow much better, and explains your story a lot clearer that your previous draft. My personal feeling is that you could take out the sentence about looking into med school, you state that it would fit your life style better, but how? To me it feels distracting from another wise great paragraph. Just thought. Would you mind looking at mine as well? Good luck!

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first paragraph: change something was missing- to missing; or missing,

second paragraph, what did you see after shadowing the emergency pa that made you passionate about the field?? you state it but don't describe to me what you liked about it? briefly describe, ex. "the excitement, variability and responsibility I witnessed [that was unlike my job as an SLP] incited my interest in this field."


Besides that I read through it all and it captured my interest from the start, it has great flow, I can definetly tell why you want to be a PA. Best of luck to you!

would you mind editing mine please???

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