Please help critique!

[applying]

My application is unique in that I am already based in a city so I made it specific to that area at the end. This is my first time applying, all critiques are welcome! Thanks :)

 

As a child, every day, I would curl up with a book and lose myself in a fantasy world. Other children danced, played soccer, or did karate, but I choose to read because I knew in my book everything would turn out okay. The heroine would not die, the bullies would learn their lessons, and by the last chapter everyone would be happy. I continued in this state until December 12^th 2001, the day my dad committed suicide. In that one instance I learned that life is not fair, that people do get sick, and sometimes they do not get better.

 

Fast-forward eleven years and I am shadowing in an ER where a psych-suicide patient is about to be brought in. On hearing the nature of the call most of the healthcare workers roll their eyes-apparently this type of patient comes in often. To me, the call is not such a nonchalant subject. The patient arrives and the doctor and nurses are in and out of the room efficiently doing their duties, but the physician assistant who comes to the patient’s bed goes above and beyond. She does not seem to share the same exasperation as everyone else; while the nurses and the doctors are in and out she stays and talks to the patient, showing concern for their feelings.

 

This moment played a profound role in why I chose to pursue the physician assistant profession. I would have given anything to be able to talk to my dad the day he choose to end his life, to encourage him to seek treatment for his depression. Subsequent shadowing experiences revealed to me that the time the ER physician assistant spent with the patient was not unique. Shadowing in orthopedics I saw a physician assistant listen to pre-surgery patients describe the pain they were feeling, celebrate with post-surgery patients who for the first time in a long time were pain-free, and advise unhappy patients who were still feeling pain even after a cortisone injection. In a HIV/AIDS clinic I saw a PA run check-ups, where he thoroughly covered not only the patients’ physical health, but how they were feeling emotionally as well. Through my shadowing experiences it became clear to me that in addition to administering healthcare, the physician assistants were learning the patients’ stories.

 

After discovering the physician assistant career I got serious about science. I knew I had the passion to be a physician assistant, but after receiving my first and only C+ in organic chemistry I, I knew my study habits had to change. I reevaluated how I taught myself and was successful; I received an A the next semester in organic chemistry II and stayed on the Dean’s list for my upperclassman career. I did this while volunteering 10 hours a week on top of working a part-time job, ensuring that I would be able to handle the rigorous course schedule of physician assistant school.

 

My first experience in the ER inspired me to become an emergency medical technician as soon as I could fit in the class, which turned out to be the summer before my senior year of college. Volunteering as an EMT-B has given me hands-on patient care experience, which taught me that listening is not always as easy as I initially thought. I have been in situations where a patient has lied about their medical history or the substances they were using that night. I have gotten calls where patients are only looking for a bed for the night, more interested in abusing the system than receiving healthcare. However, my experience as an EMT has not left me jaded. Instead, I found that my childhood love of stories came back in full force. I love listening to patients’ stories, even if they are sad ones. I enjoy administering healthcare, and I am passionate about helping patients feel better. I have found how to write myself into their stories.

 

After receiving my bachelor’s degree I moved to D.C., where I am starting a new chapter with my fiancé. I look around this beautiful, historic city and I can only think of the stories waiting to be told. I have learned that they all might not be happy ones, but I would love the opportunity to become a part of them and leave a lasting impact on this city with a lifelong career as a physician assistant.

[paproof]

I'm sure if you offered your advice to other posters in this forum people would be more likely to help you out as well.