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Re-applicant, any and all criticisms are much appreciated!


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I believe life is a series of moments, good and bad, that have the ability to determine your fate. Thus far in life all of my ‘moments’ have led me here: applying to physician assistant (PA) school in hopes of achieving my lifelong dream. It’s hard to put into words the exact reason why I want to be a PA, but you could say those ‘moments’ in my life have shaped and strengthened my desire. It most likely started when I grew to know and admire my childhood pediatric PA; someone who showed me that medicine is less about checking a patient off the to-do list, and more about getting to know your patients. To quote her, “Being a PA is more about caring and less about curing”. This is a statement that I stand behind and want to live by 110%. Later in life I was able to experience being a patient on multiple occasions, and it was those experiences with an outstanding medical professional that further encouraged me to pursue a career as a PA. In my most recent years I have had the opportunity to observe nurses, physicians, and PAs, with PAs always being my favorite. I am attracted to the profession because of a few reasons; the first being the ability to practice medicine without the frustrations and stresses that come with managing a clinic. Not only that, but I admire the unity between a PA and an MD; how they work together toward one common goal, yet still maintain their individual independence. Additionally, the PA profession offers the option to have a versatile career and the flexibility to have a family for those who choose to do so. PAs have the perfect career, and I know I have what it takes be a successful PA.

When I do become a PA I want to work in family medicine because I have a passion for the fight against obesity. My goal is to help people of all ages, children to adults, who are obese or at risk of becoming obese. I have immersed myself in environments that have encouraged me to interact with individuals of all ages. For example, in my undergraduate career I volunteered extensively in the Pediatric Emergency Department, encouraging interactions with children from infancy to adolescence. Recently I have been shadowing a Pediatric PA, which has allowed me to observe the tasks and responsibilities of working in pediatrics. Additionally, my experiences volunteering with an Orthopedaeic PA and working as a Medical Scribe have encouraged me to interact with older individuals. By taking birth to death development and psychology courses I have the opportunity to learn and understand people on a deeper level, further aiding me in my interactions. My goal in doing these was to gain as much experience and knowledge as I could so that I could interact and relate with my patients in a way that encourages them to trust, understand, and eagerly listen to me and the advice I provide.

As stated previously, I want to work as a PA to participate in the fight against obesity. I have this passion because I once was obese; I fought the hardest fight of my life to save my life. At the age of 13 I was over 200 pounds and extremely unhappy. I had no knowledge about healthy eating or exercise, and I did not have anybody guiding me toward a healthier lifestyle. My family was equally unhealthy and so I was essentially stuck in a lifestyle that would push toward a lifelong battle with obesity and all of the associated health risks. This is so common in a large majority of lives in America. In fact, according to the US Department of Health and Human Services, “more than two thirds (68.8 percent) of adults are considered to be overweight or obese”. This mean that of three people two of them are overweight or obese. Even more astonishing is that “about one-third of children and adolescents ages 6-19 are considered overweight or obese”. Obesity and being overweight are a huge problem in the USA, and I want to be a part of a group of individuals who fight tirelessly to end it.

Thankfully around the age of 17, after taking health oriented classes, my eyes had been opened to the risks of my lifestyle. From that moment on I changed my life. I started eating healthier and working out; losing roughly 50 pounds in the process. I want to use my experience, knowledge, and compassion to help my patients fight against their obesity. Nobody should have to live a life trapped in an unhealthy body without any knowledge of how to save themselves. I want to give my patients and their families the power, tools, and the knowledge to live healthier lifestyles. I know I can make the biggest impact in the fight against obesity by working as a PA, where I can be a major part of the family’s lives as their primary care provider. I can be a constant guide, helping hand, and resource for them while they grow and mature into healthy, obesity-free individuals. This is what truly compels me to be a PA. I know I have the drive, passion, ability and endurance to be an outstanding PA. I was born for this career, and I could not imagine pursuing any other one. 

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Hello,

 

Break up that very first giant paragraph.

 

Overall, I can assume why you want to be a PA ( but provide enough information so your readers won't have to assume). Another tip is to make it less wordy and get to the meat. For example.... had the opportunity to observe nurses, physicians, and PAs, with PAs always being my favorite....This sounds awkward IMO. Instead, try to play around with sentence structure and word choice. A simple change to --> while observing other clinicians, I tend to remember the PAs because of...[add the details] sounds better. Then again, don't make it about THEM, this is about you, so use the allotted space wisely. 

 

I wish you luck and welcome to the Forum.

 

 

Also, pay it forward and provide some tips to other applicants within the PS sub forum. 

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Why do you think you have to spell out that 2/3 = 2/3?

Honestly, I'd throw the whole thing out and start over.  There is no real structure, and the only thing I've learned about you is that you were obese and want to help others with weight issues. That does not instill a strong desire to meet you, or make me think you'd make an awesome PA.

Also, as a re-applicant, you haven't addressed why you're a stronger candidate this year.

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I know that diminishing obesity is your big goal here but that's mostly what the whole essay is about, try to shorten it with less words to get your point across and get rid of the facts of obesity, I think most people reading this are aware and may bore them. When shortening, instead come from a different angle and mention diabetes instead of obesity over and over. Talk more about personal experiences with patients. I agree with paproof and cordelia, address why you are stronger this year.

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As stated previously, I want to work as a PA to participate in the fight against obesity. I have this passion because I once was obese; I fought the hardest fight of my life to save my life. 

 

I would change this to say something like:

As I previously mentioned, my passion to become a PA stems from my personal struggles with obesity. I fought for my life as a teenager because.....and then add in the parts about unhealthy lifestyles and limited knowledge regarding health

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