What do you think of the personal statement intro?

[lmn089]

I feel like I might have finally nailed down a good intro, but I'm a little worried that it might come off as too cocky.  What do you think?  Also does it seem wordy?  Sometimes I have trouble keeping my narratives readable and concise. BE SUPER HONEST, you won't hurt my feelings :)

 

 

“I know you say it’s my choice, but won’t you just tell me, what surgery do you think I should get?”  A look of exasperation drapes across the face of J.T., a patient I’ve counseled for several months now in preparation for bariatric weight loss surgery.  He is well aware that I am his dietitian, not his doctor.  However, after spending over 5 hours of one-to-one counseling time together, we’ve established strong rapport, and he has come to trust me as one of his care providers.  He is feeling overwhelmed because he needs to decide in the next week what type of surgery he’d like to have—vertical sleeve gastrectomy, or roux-en-y gastric bypass. I can pretty confidently surmise what our surgeon would recommend based on his medical history, however, answering this question would be an unethical move on my part because it’s outside of my scope of practice—a boundary that dietitians especially know all too well.

 

This happens more than one might think—patients ask me for advice about medications, the results of their sleep or swallow studies, and in some cases, even what surgery I recommend for them.  I work as part of a wonderful, intelligent team of providers who have taught me how to answer almost all of these questions.  But ethically and even legally, I cannot answer them to patients directly.  There are very few aspects of my job that I dislike, but this is definitely one of them.  

 

From there I think I'd discuss why I love working with patients but want a larger scope of practice.  Might also mention that in a case like this, a PA would be more qualified than a dietitian to answer these questions, but more accessible to the patient, unlike the surgeon who he rarely gets to meet with.

 

Thanks in advance for your honest feedback!

 

[cordelia*8]

I like it.  But there are a few elements to nitpick: you've established a rapport, you could just say the patient without giving a name, and I'm fond of the--as well, but you've got three of them in a few paragraphs, and they should really be used sparingly, if at all.

[lmn089]

Thanks, the nitpicky points help a lot! It's been a while since I've gotten feedback on grammar/punctuation.  Much appreciated.

[JohnnyM2]

From there I think I'd discuss why I love working with patients but want a larger scope i practice. Might also mention that in a case like this, a PA would be more qualified than a dietitian to answer these questions, but more accessible to the patient, unlike the surgeoni who he rarely gets to meet with.[/size][/size][/font]

Thanks in advance for your honest feedback!

I think you are on the right track regarding scope of practice but, personal statement aside, I'm not sure how that helps you answer the patient's question. The patient is hoping you will give him the "right" answer which he is unable to choose because he doesn't really understand the alternatives including success rates, risks, side effects, etc. Even as a dietician you could ask him what he understands about the options and what he likes or is concerned about for each. That would allow you to refer him to some other teaching materials that might be helpful. Even as a PA, though you might be able to educate him, you really need to make it his choice. Just keep that in mind as you try to transition to how becoming a PA would be helpful to expand your career.

 

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[lmn089]

Definitely a good point, it should always be the patient's choice.  Maybe I'll see if I can reshape my wording to make sure the emphasis remains on giving the patient information to make a decision himself, not telling him what to do.   Maybe something like

 

I know because of his history of type 2 diabetes and gastroesophageal reflux, that he's likely better suited for gastric bypass.  But professionally speaking, this recommendation falls outside of my scope of practice, an important boundary that health care providers are obligated to honor both ethically and legally. 

[JohnnyM2]

Imn089: That's OK but keep in mind that the reader wants to learn more about you and how you decided to become a PA, not about your knowledge of medical ethics or legalities. Keep working on it and I'm sure you will find the right wording.

[Glorious_Ignoramus]

Please put personal statements in the personal statement subforum.