PLEASE READ!!! Thanks in advance!!

[sarak]

There wasn’t too much blood; just enough to make me nervous. The young boy’s mother was standing next to me like a hawk, making certain I was giving her child the utmost care and attention. I wish I’d had the ability to do more for him. The child was quiet while I cleaned the small gash on his forehead, squeamish from the rubbing alcohol, but otherwise behaved. I looked at his mother and said, “Take him to urgent care just to make sure there was no concussion and that he won’t need stiches.” I could see the concern in her eyes. I looked at the young boy, and he seemed more fascinated in what was behind the pharmacy doors than the wound I had just covered with a band aid. I chuckled a bit and told her he seemed to be over the injury and is ready for another adventure. She smiled, and thanked me for my help. My other patients watched as I picked up the band aid wrappers and bloodied tissues, waiting patiently for me to return to my post.

Working as a pharmacy technician, I was able to gain many different rewarding skills. However, if I were to choose just one, I would choose the compassion I gained for those who were ill. We were a heavy flow pharmacy filling almost 400 prescriptions a day, with little technician hours allotted to us. Working an average of 35 hours a week sometimes, I had little time to study and focus on my academics, thus resulting in an unsatisfactory GPA. However, with time after graduation, I was able to reflect upon my academic past, and I can say without a doubt I have learned from my mistakes, and I am excited to prove to myself my capabilities as not just an excellent student, but an exemplary PA. As a pharmacy technician I gained insight into the drug aspect of practicing medicine, however I found myself imagining what it was like to be on the other side of it. So I decided to explore my curiosity and quickly found a physician to shadow.

 When the day came, I was beyond nervous; I was afraid of sounding unintelligent or misinformed; nonetheless it was when I stepped into the operating room that I realized this is where I wanted to be. The doctor introduced me to the staff, which included nurses and technicians. However, there was one man that was introduced to me that caught my attention; a PA. At the time, I had no insight into what a PA was or what the profession entailed. Throughout the triple bypass I stood over the patient’s head and looked into his open chest cavity and from then on, I was hooked. When the experience was over, I had realized there was more to medicine than the usual doctors, nurses and pharmacists.  When I arrived home, immediately I submerged myself in researching what a physician assistant was. Upon researching, I discovered the fluidity of the field, and appreciated how wonderful it must be to spend a good amount of time each PA spends with their patients. They take their time and show the patient they are the priority, not a quota they need to fill.  After spending time shadowing and working in healthcare I've come to determine that I needed to have a scope of practice that gave me more autonomy.  I decided this is what I wanted to do, this is my goal, and this is my future. 

[Zanna]

I think you need another paragraph at the end as a solid conclusion. You have nearly another 2000 characters you could use. A great essay doesn't necessarily NEED to have exactly 5000 but I certainly feel you could  elaborate or add more. I also see a few buzz words like autonomy and compassion. Just like the sticky at the top of the forums suggests, it's better to show that you have these characteristics rather than simply stating them. Definitely a great start!  Good luck!

[spflynn4]

Your intro is good, but you lack some analysis after you start the essay off. Why do you want to be a PA instead of being a doctor? All I can gather from reading your statement is that you met a PA who seemed to be an interesting person, and then you watched a surgery. You should really try to expand on what your understanding of the PA profession is, and why that matches up so well with your desire to be a PA. I also agree with Zanna, you need to add some more "meat" into the statement. You have so many more characters, and your statement has some obvious holes in its logic. Use some of those open characters to fill in some holes and leave the Adcom with a more realistic picture of yourself. 

[sarak]

thank you everyone for the feedback! im working on revising, and will post the updated one soon! thanks again!

[tommyding]

I would say you need to further expand upon the differentiation between a PA and other professions, and in general why you wanted to be  PA. There are many things you can go into such as diagnosis and treatment, how working autonomously but also being able to seek advice from your physician,etc. and as others have mentioned, provide more examples of characteristics you have that make you ready for this career, and also be descriptive (you can use your HCE or nonHCE)=)