Personal Statement Critique

[acasto]

Hi all this is my very first draft of my personal statement. If anyone could give me advice it would be much appreciated. I am looking to send this to a physician I shadowed for her to write me a recommendation letter. Thanks!

 

I lived the early years of my life surrounded by my extended family. I would spend weekends with my Granny and Gramps and eventually lived with them for two years.  My granny was my role model, and the epitome of what I hope to achieve in life. I have never met a more selfless, caring, and strong woman to this day. She is the one who taught me how to read and introduced me to one of my favorite hobbies. She is the one who nursed me back to health every time I was ill or not feeling well. I continue to strive to become like her one day; that my grandchildren will look at me and think, “She lives to serve others.”

I also was exposed to and fell in love with science at a young age with having an engineer as a father. He is one of those types of people who know the answer to almost every question   proposed to them and I utilized his knowledge by asking every possible question that popped into my head as I was a child. Also becoming exposed to science classes such as Advanced Placement Biology in high school sparked my interest in understanding how living systems work and lead me to desire to pursue a biology degree in college. During this time I began to volunteer at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in the Hematology and Oncology unit with the hemophilia patients, and was exposed more to the medical field. I loved seeing the children’s smiling faces and the bond that the doctors, nurses, and social workers developed with their patients while helping the child to live the healthiest and fullest life possible.  At that point I realized that I wanted to pursue a career that allows me help others in this way, while fostering my interest in science so I declared a pre-medical specialization. Although I was still unsure of the direction I wanted to proceed in the medical field,  I continued to lean towards medical school and knew that the courses required with this specialization would help me regardless of my chosen direction.

In addition to beginning my college coursework in this specialization, I became involved with Special Olympics as an assistant swim coach. Coaching these young teenagers and adults was so rewarding. To see them learn and develop while having fun was very fulfilling. I felt as if being a medical professional and assisting your patients in the healing process or managing their conditions would be extremely rewarding in a similar manner as well. This experience also helped to expose me to intellectual disabilities that someone in the medical field may encounter. Being around our team members and their disabilities caused me to inquire, research and become familiar with their disabilities to help me better understand them.  I developed a skill set with how to interact with people with these disabilities.  This experience continued to fuel my desire to become involved in a medical career. 

As I continued my degree in biology, I began to shadow a doctor at Nationwide Children’s Hospital and doctors at Promedica Hospitals in Toledo as well as continuing my volunteering with Nationwide Children’s. I continued to witness this patient/physician relationship bond, along with the desire to analyze the medical issues the patient was encountering to attempt to improve the patient’s quality of life. During these observations and interactions, I became familiar with the profession of a physician assistant. I was intrigued and continued to research this profession.  Prior to this point with my college coursework and experiences, I had only considered becoming a physician.  My knowledge was limited about the profession of physician assistant. Upon completing research, I learned that becoming a physician assistant would also allow me to embrace the subject of science experience and provide me the opportunity to show my patients compassion that they deserve from their healthcare provider. This profession seems to be a better fit for me personally because it seems as if it would provide a healthy balance of work and family life, which I find is important. Physician assisting is also a well-suited career for me because it would allow balance of the interaction with the patients that I want to receive, while understanding the science behind the medicine and care I am providing for the patient.

[lanime]

I really like your first paragraph. Then you lose me a little. Think of a solid and central theme that you want to convey and stick with that instead of trying to put everything in the PS. Keep in mind that if the admissions committee is interested in you, you will have an additional opportunity to portray who you are (in addition to the supplemental application).

 

 

After reading your PS I still have no idea WHY you want to be a PA specifically. Instead, I got the sense that you maybe still want to be a physician, but that being a PA would give you more free time. You should state that you want to be a physician assistant (PA) within the first two paragraphs then elaborate why and how you have prepared.

 

 

Definitely a good start, just keep working with it and reading it out loud. It is also helpful to read other PS on the forum to get a sense of what you would enjoy reading. Good luck and I'm excited to read your revision!