Limey27 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 As stated in the title, this is my "first-ish" draft. I've been slowly working on it for a couple weeks, revising as I go, and I finally have something worth sharing and getting critique on. Any feedback is much appreciated as to what's needed, what needs to be nixed, what needs further elaboration, etc. THANKS! The familiar, repetitive, and tranquil atmosphere of the swimming pool was something I looked forward to each day after school. The lane lines prevented me from going off track, the water provided a warm protective blanket, and the T painted at the bottom let me know when it was time to turn around. In those moments, there was nothing more than me, the water, and the crystal clear window of the world I viewed through my vanquisher goggles. At some point the lane lines disappear and the edges of the pool get further from us with every effort we make to get closer to them. We attempt to find familiarity in our surroundings to overcome a sense of dread and apprehension that shadows our feelings of fear and new onset inadequacies. We look for our new niche in an environment with a seemingly endless horizon of possibilities in hopes that we find the harmony we felt in the water. No other description could illustrate how I felt during my first day as an emergency department (ED) scribe. Their eyes watched intently from behind me as I prepped my first trauma patient’s chart and took down their history of present illness from the medics. Terms were spelled incorrectly and I was missing important information as I tried to get through the patients physical exam shouted to me from the physician. My trainers were supportive, patient, and gave helpful guidance as I stumbled my way through the charting system for the first time on my own, but that could not replace the overwhelming stress and anxiety of being responsible of a legal document. Though I considered pursuing a career in medicine from an early age, scribing in the bustling environment of the ED provided me with my first real patient exposure and also demonstrated how gratifying a life of service can be. I work in a unique position that allows me to experience what it would be like to work next to a physician as a physician assistant because as a scribe it is my duty to promote fast work flow, while predicting the physician’s needs ahead of time in order to provide overall team efficiency and quality of care. Many of these characteristics are what I observe in successful ED physician and PA relationships and it is through these interactions that I have learned that I take pleasure in working closely with another professional, and learning from them. Although my part to play is small, scribing has strengthened my desire to increase my role in patient care settings and has given me an opportunity to learn more about medicine than I could have ever dreamed of. I became further enamored by the PA profession after I was able to shadow some of the PAs I work alongside in the ED. Due to the fact that I work alongside MDs, it was easy to spot the similarities and differences between the two professions. Their roles are so intertwined, the similarities were easy to spot. The PAs diagnose, treat and prescribe in the exact way that the physicians do and they do it with as much grace of the most seasoned physicians. Much like competitive swimming, physician assistants are part of a larger team that works together for the benefit of the whole. I believe this analogy accurately describes the position of a PA in the medical field and it is for these reasons that I think the position and function of the PA is more fitting to my character and personality. I want my dedication toward my community to show through my deeds, such as volunteering to instruct CPR classes through my local Red Cross chapter. I feel pride in knowing that I am instilling confidence and educating community members in how to respond appropriately to different emergency situations which in turn has the potential to save many lives. While I will never tire of educating, I want to provide my community with something more substantial and as a PA I would be able to continue this practice of community involvement and education at a higher level. I left my comfort zone that first day I began working in the emergency department and while I haven’t necessarily returned to that place of familiarity, working there has been like returning to the water or seeing an old friend after a long absence; it feels right and is the place I know I belong. I have had more exposure to the PA profession than most and am sure that this is what I want to be doing with my life. Furthermore, I do not wish to be judged by the suffix in front of my name nor by my level of education, but by my dedication and ability to help those in need. I know that no experience could prepare me for the grueling work required to become a PA, but my continued desire to become a PA will only further my commitment and drive to serve my community until this dream is realized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limey27 Posted May 9, 2015 Author Share Posted May 9, 2015 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paproof Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 One main issue: I wouldn't bring attention to the fact that you screwed up a patient's chart due to misspelled words and missing information... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsle85 Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 I TOTALLY disagree-- PA admissions KNOW that you haven't been trained. I think it shows honesty and makes your story more real. I liked that you were so genuine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohsnapPA Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 The familiar, repetitive, and tranquil atmosphere of the swimming pool was something I looked forward to each day after school. The lane lines prevented me from going off track, the water provided a warm protective blanket, and the T painted at the bottom let me know when it was time to turn around. In those moments, there was nothing more than me, the water, and the crystal clear window of the world I viewed through my vanquisher goggles. At some point the lane lines disappear and the edges of the pool get further from me with every effort I made to get closer to it. I attempted to find familiarity in my surroundings to overcome a sense of dread and apprehension that shadows my feelings of fear and new onset inadequacies. I looked for my new niche in an environment with a seemingly endless horizon of possibilities in hopes that I find the harmony we felt in the water. No other description could illustrate how I felt during my first day as an emergency department (ED) scribe. Make better transition sentence here. Their eyes watched intently from behind me as I prepped my first trauma patient’s chart and took down their history of present illness from the medics. Terms were spelled incorrectly and I was missing important information as I tried to get through the patients physical exam shouted to me from the physician. My trainers were supportive, patient, and gave helpful guidance as I stumbled my way through the charting system for the first time on my own, but that could not replace the overwhelming stress and anxiety of being responsible of a legal document. Though I considered pursuing a career in medicine from an early age, scribing in the bustling environment of the ED provided me with my first real patient exposure and also demonstrated how gratifying a life of service can be. I work in a unique position that allows me to experience what it would be like to work next to a physician as a physician assistant because as a scribe it is my duty to promote fast work flow, while predicting the physician’s needs ahead of time in order to provide overall team efficiency and quality of care. Many of these characteristics are what I observe in successful ED physician and PA relationships and it is through these interactions that I have learned that I take pleasure in working closely with another professional, and learning from them. Although my part to play is small, scribing has strengthened my desire to increase my role in patient care settings and has given me an opportunity to learn more about medicine than I could have ever dreamed of. Make better transition sentence here "I want my dedication toward my community to show through my deeds, such as volunteering to instruct CPR classes through my local Red Cross chapter. I feel pride in knowing that I am instilling confidence and educating community members in how to respond appropriately to different emergency situations which in turn has the potential to save many lives. While I will never tire of educating ??, I want to provide my community with something more substantial and as a PA I would be able to continue this practice of community involvement and education at a higher level." to the rest of your story...Make better transitions between first and last sentence of this paragraph, and tie it in with the "right" feeling you get with swimming. This seems like a disconnect with your other paragraphs. I left my comfort zone that first day I began working in the emergency department and while I haven’t necessarily returned to that place of familiarity, working there has been like returning to the water or seeing an old friend after a long absence; it feels right and is the place I know I belong. Connect Red Cross experience here...I deleted extraneous info here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cordelia*8 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Responsible for a legal document, and maybe try not to use I so much; but overall, quite good. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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