james482 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spflynn4 Posted April 30, 2015 Share Posted April 30, 2015 Few thoughts on your PS from a quick read through: 1. You can definitely cut down your first paragraph- the quote is good, but you can save on characters and get to your point a lot more efficiently by cutting off some of the analysis/musing that you do in your first few sentences. Definitely keep the quote though, it's a good way to intro the disparity in healthcare in the US. 2. Your first three paragraphs don't really go together at all. You jump from an abstract analysis of your quote to your family history, to your EMT history. Try to cut out some of the backstory and stick to highlighting key themes in your journey to PA school. 3.. Don't talk about your class rank in EMT school, or your perfect score on the registry test. It's a waste of characters, and it gives the reader a sense that you have an ego. You want to present an endearing side that the adcom wants to get on board with, so every little bit helps. 4. Be careful about turning your PS into a long format resume. Reading over your statement, it kind of seems like you're trying to use the statement as a chance to talk about your various experiences (volunteering, HCE, school). That's not what it's about. Try to stick to a larger theme, only including information that furthers your point. There are plenty of places on CASPA to list all of the stuff that you did. Be careful about how you include stories- do they further your point at all? 5. Avoid "epiphany" logic in your inspiration for becoming a PA. Several of your examples seem to involve instantaneous changes in opinions or motivations. You want to talk about how experiences influenced you in your inspiration for going to PA school. Be careful about being overdramatic about your experiences. 6. Grammar- state the phrase "Physician Assistant (PA)" once, and then refer to the position as PA throughout your essay. Watch your use of commas, as you have some run-on sentences in the statement. 7. Expand on your initial quote, family history, or experiences in the conclusion! You created a bunch of loose ends in your intro that you need to tie up in the conclusion somehow. Your conclusion is a cliche as it stands. End on a stronger note and leave the reader feeling like you've stated a strong case for your qualifications as a PA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james482 Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 Great feed back, I appreciate the details on what and how to fix my essay. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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