Final draft I am hoping! PLEASE READ!

[QueenEmile]

Her lips were trembling and her eyes holding back tears. "They think I have Multiple Sclerosis", she said. At the time, I was just a kid being raised in a single-parent household, completely bewildered by what my mother just told me. We were finally at a time without homeless shelters and trips to the food stamp office. My mom worked so hard to get us out poverty, and now she was preparing me to take care of her in a wheelchair. I can vividly recall that night and the way I endlessly researched about MS. I was shaken with fear after seeing my mother’s prognosis, but the light of medical science somehow calmed me. The MS scare continued for years, and fortunately, it stayed only a scare and never progressed. Today, at 53 years old, she is completing her doctorate degree and running 26-mile marathons. The afflictions that consumed our family over the years and the courage my mother had to surmount our troubles, resonates in my compassion for life and medicine. The resolution over her illness and destitution has ignited my inspiration for using healthcare to make a difference in the lives of those who are less fortunate.   

 

In pursuit of my dream, college became my first priority, but I was on my own and had to stick with whatever programs were within my budget-- which was not much. I bopped around from X-Ray Tech to Ultrasound Tech and even Dental Hygiene, but they barely scratched the surface of my desires in healthcare. I finally settled with nursing and eagerly enrolled to start the prerequisite courses. However, my enthusiasm plummeted when I was handed the envelope enclosing my first tuition bill. But, I loved that bill. That bill cost a few homeless nights and a growling stomach. It gave me a gift of determination. Flipping pizzas at Papa Johns was barley getting me by, so I applied to every healthcare facility in town. Yes, I could make a mean pepperoni pizza, but it apparently was not making my resume stand out amongst the rest.  I was desperate to get my foot in the door, and worked hard to become a CNA during my first year of college. Right away, I was hired at a physician's office and relentlessly dived into medicine. With a new job, came new opportunities, and I gladly left nursing behind me. After working my way up from a receptionist to a medical assistant, I was taken on as a mentee by the father/son team of primary care physicians at the practice, who introduced me to the occupation of a Physician Assistant.

 

The team also employed another MD, two PA-C's, and a NP-C, all of whom I was able to work alongside. As I expressed my interest to them in becoming a PA, they noticed my talent, and eagerly began passing their knowledge down to me. I loved working in sync with all of the providers and having the ability to gain such raw experience. I went from scheduling appointments, to running back and forth between triages rooms.  With each venipuncture and child vaccine I performed, I achieved a new level of patient understanding. The providers were hard on me and diligent about my preparation to becoming a healthcare provider, but I absolutely thrived off of it.  Working there has undoubtedly given me the drive to succeed as a PA. I enjoyed all of the hands-on procedures, but desired to have the knowledge to order the test, rather than just perform it.

 

 

Working in family medicine has given me the chance to care for patients with type II diabetes, hypertension, osteopathic injuries, stoke victims, opiate addiction, thyroid disorders and everything in between.  The experience was great, but the reward was greater. Many of our patients migrated to the U. S., with the desire for the American dream, but were struggling to receive quality healthcare because of language barriers, income, and prejudice. The intrinsic reward I have earned from helping these patients was often the perfect fuel to feed any sleepless night of studying after my 8-hour workday. The long days were tough, and may have kept me shy of a 4.0, but it was the only way I could become educated as a future PA, while independently supporting myself.

  

The experience I have gained made it possible for me to understand the balance between medical science and humanity, as well as the important relationship between patient and provider. I was able to learn many aspects of practicing medicine, from the first step into the patient's room, to the last sentence written in the progress note. This medical exposure, as well as my mother’s health scare, has given me endless inspiration and motivation to work towards becoming a PA. As a Physician Assistant, I can fulfill my aspiration to treat patients in all medical specialties, while having the ability to use my life experiences as a healthcare advocate for the underserved community. 

[stephenpac]

I think the opening is a bit overly dramatic. Try to soften it up a bit, use an approach that is gripping yet different. This is dramatic for sure, but likely to be overlooked by the admissions committee.