Rough Draft Help

[ableddy]

This is my second rough draft, any advice will help!

Thank!!

[Jack_Sheridan]

I really like the effort behind this statement :) Just for improvement, make it more readable and fact pact. You can check the grammar for better user interface. I remember when I wrote my PS, I went ahead with a professional service for making it perfect. You can also visit that service http://www.academicstatementofpurpose.com/

But first and foremost, don't let anybody change it for the matter of change. There has to be meaning behind every change. Be aware :)

[paproof]

Be careful with generic essay editing services; while they are fine for grammar and sentence structure, they have no idea what PA schools are looking for.  Somebody posted a link a few days ago on this board for a PS revision service by PAs and people in admissions.  I looked at it and it seems pretty legit.  I put it in my signature as I'd rather help out PAs than english majors :-p Overall I think your essay looks pretty good though.

[JohnnyM2]

This is my second rough draft, any advice will help!

Thank!!

 

Walking into Good Samaritan hospital that December morning I had no idea what to expect as I was STARTING what would be a life-changing day (YOU DONT ENTER INTO A DAY. YOU START A DAY). It was my first day shadowing a PA in a hospital emergency room and I was more nervous then ever. I HAD NEVER PREVIOUSLY OBSERVED A MEDICAL PROCEDURE. But as soon as DONNED the white coat I FELT a sense of relief. IT just FELT natural. Throughout the day, (ADD COMMA) I followed around and assisted a PA seeing patients who were either sick with the flu or the stomach bug. Then a young woman came in who cut off half her finger the night before while cooking. This moment will stick with me forever. She seemed so nervous and scared about her situation, but the PA was so reassuring and compassionate toward her doing everything in his will to distract her from that fact that her finger (ELIMINATE WHICH) was basically falling off. Next thing I know the PA is stitching up her finger right then and there in the ER as I stood next to him and assisted. I remember him even saying to me “If you can handle this, this field is for you”. That statement stuck with me, it gave me encouragement that I truly was meant to pursue the medical field. Not just because I was able to watch him perform the treatment but also because I actually could see myself in his shoes at that moment.

The role of a PA versus a doctor is fairly different. (DUH) PAs tend to be more personal with there (SPELLING) patients. (GENERALITIES WILL ALWAYS GET YOU INTROUBLE) Personable treatment is a staple of the PA medical practice; this allows the patients and families to develop a trusting relationship with their health care provider. Personally, this is a reason why I feel so strongly for the necessity of PAs in the medical field. I have dealt with irritable bowel syndrome for the past two years and have struggled to find a doctor who was wiling to personalize my treatment. After finding the right gastrointestinal specialist, one of the PAs in their office sat down to speak with me and helped me find a solution to my problem. Having the patient’s best interest at heart while also focusing on not treating the symptoms but the whole person is how I inspire (ASPIRE?) to practice medicine.

Part of becoming a PA is being able to work well in a team-based health care environment. While observing both a physician assistant and a medical doctor in the same work environment, I was able compare the roles they both played. Together they worked as a team and the doctor helped step in whenever the PA needed any additional help. PA’s often get casted in the doctors shadow, but they truly are the backbone to the medical practice. A crucial part of the physician assistant profession is their role as part of the health care team. PA’s do have independence in their medical practice; but knowing the collaborative nature in their field is what applies most to me. The possibility to work with other physicians to come up with a plan that works best for a patient is a major appeal to the profession.

Most people as ASK? “why not go to medical school?" For me this answer is easy. I wholeheartedly want to become a physician assistant. I appreciate the flexibility in their field and the huge role that they play in the health care system. Being able to specialize in more than one field without having to go back for additional schooling provides many more opportunities for growth and exploration in my future career. Being a PA allows me this freedom to take time off to have a family and freely being able to enter back into the health care field. I want to be able to provide patients with compassionate personal health care. Attending a PA program is far more than gaining knowledge about biomedical and clinical science; its purpose is to develop in students the appropriate interpersonal and communication skills necessary to establish proper patient-centered care. From many of my own personal experiences with the heath care system I have realized the high demand and necessity for PAs.

I gave up half way through. Way too many spelling, punctuation and grammar mistakes. Poor word usage. It sounds too contrived, not natural. Some of it sounds like a rather naive lecture about the PA profession. Needs lots of work!

 

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[UGoLong]

I guess I didn't learn much about you when I read this, other than how you felt during your day in the ER, some of your experiences with IBS, and why you think the job of a PA wold be nice.

 

I don't, for example, know what your healthcare experience is or the path that you took to get to even wanting to shadow a PA. 

 

The goal of your personal statement should be to make the adcom want to meet you and learn more. 

 

Many people have a tough time writing about themselves but that's what you have to do. Decide what you want to tell them about yourself and then weave it into an interesting essay. You can always edit stuff out, move things around, fix spelling and grammar, etc. But, until you've shared some stuff about who you are, where you are trying to go, and how you got to "here," it will probably be a dry tale without very much information. You can do better.

 

Good luck!

[loliz]

Tells a story that you like to shadow, you know the difference between PA and doc and you can explain why PA school instead of medical school. All good things… except this essay is your campaign on why you deserve the opportunity to take a competitive seat in a program. Figure out why you would be a good PA and tell a story that brings focus to those characteristics or experiences. Remember who your audience is (i.e. they already know how the healthcare team works together). 

 

PS why were you wearing a white coat while shadowing? 

[Corpsman2PA]

Agree with what's been said. The Adcom is full of PAs and MDs. Don't tell them what their role is or what they are and aren't. They already know this information.

And I have the same question about the white coat...seriously? When I was a PA student I shadowed some docs/PAs over my break and didn't even wear a white coat. Take that out.

Tell us about YOU.

 

 

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