araja90 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hi, I would love to get an opinion on my personal statement I can't have more than 500 words I have about 400 here it is In my culture there is a belief that if you save the life of a person, it is as if you have saved all of mankind. I have allowed this belief to influence my out look on patient care. To me there is no other career path more rewarding than healthcare, I know this first hand. I have worked as an Emergency Medical Technician and currently as an x-ray technician. I feel by becoming a Physician Assistant I will be better equipped to help patient and treat patients than an X-ray Technician or EMT. I remember my first encounter with a patient it was while I was doing my clinical rotation in the emergency room of New York Methodist hospital. It was an amazing and eye opening experience for me, I saw a lumbar puncture for the first time. The Physician Assistant took time out of their busy schedule to explain every condition and the required treatment for each condition. I remember him telling me that the lumbar puncture was a test used to see if a patient has meningitis, which is a infection of the membrane surrounding the brain an spinal cord. I was impressed by his ability to take care of the patients in the same manner as a doctor. This experience is what bought the Physician Assistant profession to my attention. it was an ordinary day at work for me at Mobile health management services where I work as an x-ray technician. After developing the x-ray of one of my patients I noticed something seriously wrong. There was a large dark spot where her liver should be. This was a sign of free air in the abdomen, a potentially life threatening emergency. I immediately tried to contact the radiologist to get his advice, but was unable to get in touch with him. I spoke with the Physician Assistant he preformed a complete physical and recommended that the patient go to the emergency room immediately. Unfortunately as an X-ray technician I was unable to give the patient a diagnosis, because that is not within an x-ray technicians scope of practice. After this experience my desire to become a Physician Assistant became even stronger. I want to become a Physician Assistant because I want improve myself and better serve my community. a I believe the Sophie Davis Physician Assistant program will give me the knowledge and experience necessary to reach that goal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemegroup Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 We're not reviewing personal essays here anymore (at the request of the forum, and understandably so). I suggest you take it to your school English tutors, and then run it by a faculty member or two (or practitioner) who you have a good rapport with. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annabug Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Agreed with the above posts. However, just glancing at your statement I notice your punctuation needs lots of work. Also, why would you explain to PA adcom what meningitis is and why would you explain to them what a black spot on an xray means? Not necessary. Take it to your English prof or an honest friend. Your personal statement is a vital part of your application and you want to get it right. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Putting your personal statement on a public forum...well..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiaroscuro27 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Is the search engine on this forum no longer available, or are folks just choosing not to use it? OP, learn from the mistakes of others. Please...do a search. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudypa Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Agreed with all the above. And this is not worthy of submitting to CASPA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted February 22, 2011 Administrator Share Posted February 22, 2011 We're not reviewing personal essays here anymore (at the request of the forum, and understandably so). Really? I kinda gave up on it, but I wasn't aware of any formal pronouncement that it was now against the guidelines... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cabkrun Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 do you think its good enough to turn in? if you do, then go ahead. Crack me up :=D: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sarraeo26 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Take this as words of wisdom...It needs A LOT of work! Probably at least 5-10 revisions or some major overhauls. My first versions of my essay sucked, until I did revisions everyday for a few weeks. Eventually you will have some sort of writing epiphany and your statement will be born. If you are applying to multiple programs you should NOT mention any specific schools in your main CASPA essay. Also, explaining medical terms and procedures is unnecessary...PAs and MDs will be reading your statements, not 12 year olds. SHOW WHY you want to be a PA, not tell. Describe one or two general patients and what they taught you, describe what you want your future to hold, what are your goals, what inspires you, HOW are YOU going to make a difference as a PA? I would post mine if there weren't thousands of people reading these forums, plus plagiarism is an issue. You need an opening and closing statement of why you want to be a PA. Its also too short, you have a 5,000 character limit (count the character count in Word and go by that). Be specific, and don't repeat what is evident in the rest of your application. Show some passion! Toot your own horn and tell them what your accomplishments are, and what you want them to be! Also do a lot of research online and get help with your grammar and punctuation. Any spelling or grammatical mistakes = disaster. Buy the book "How to Get Into PA school" by Andrew Rodican. It will become your metaphorical bible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemegroup Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Really? I kinda gave up on it, but I wasn't aware of any formal pronouncement that it was now against the guidelines... Yes, it was announced. I emailed scut-monkey (the mod for this section) requesting the information, since I can't seem to find it on the board. Personally, I had let one person know that they could send theirs to me privately via email. What I received was a mess, not even decent enough to be called a rough copy ... they wanted me to basically do all their editing for them, it seemed. No time for games, sorry ... take it to the writing lab on campus ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marilynpac Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 So what you're saying Heme is that someone can put up a thread asking if anyone will critique their PS privately??? That should be allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hemegroup Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 So what you're saying Heme is that someone can put up a thread asking if anyone will critique their PS privately??? That should be allowed. I have no idea, I just felt sorry for the person and reached out ... I won't do that again ... Truth be told, I was quite capable of writing my own personal essay, and took it to the writing lab as well as a Professor at my undergrad before submitting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EMSArtist Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I've thought a lot about the online PS critique, and came to these conclusions. 1- people probably post crap here because it is "safe" who cares if a bunch of internet weirdos think your PS is crap anyway?? 2- some people are lazy 3- some people actually suck at writing. 4- I am NEVER posting a rough draft online... ever 5- I can never top TWPS... 6- IFF (cool math abreviation for "if and only if" that I <3) I get a polished piece up and running I might ask one or two peeps here for a review... privately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iain1028 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 It is severly lacking in almost every area. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firemedic13 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 It is severly lacking in almost every area. Good luck. Speaking of personal statements.... what ever happened to the one I emailed you? :D Ps. In at 21 of 23 schools at this time... so just curious :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCHAD Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Speaking of personal statements.... what ever happened to the one I emailed you? :D Ps. In at 21 of 23 schools at this time... so just curious :P 21 of 23...talk about options! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudypa Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 There goes any concern about "are there too many schools to apply to?" Nice work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloe Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Hi rudypa. I applied with University of Pittsburgh and stil waiting. Could you please tel me how to be prepared for the interview? Is it a group or individual?. What was the writing part. I just want to prepare a head of time in case they call invite me. Thanks for your support Anny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firemedic13 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 There goes any concern about "are there too many schools to apply to?" Nice work! With law schools they often give you "fee waivers" so that it costs only $12 to apply. Hence the huge number I applied to. Used a canned PS and wrote a couple extra essays for the schools that wanted them. Most didn't. On the other hand, choosing the right law school is way more vital than choosing the right PA program. Right now a lawyer graduating from Harvard or Yale only has a 90% of finding a job, and a lawyer graduating from (to pick somewhat at random) Emory only has about a 50% chance, and Drexel is running about 33%. When you are about to take out $150,000 in loans to go to school, your chance of paying those off becomes a huge factor. Not like PA schools which are running a 95% or greater job placement rate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spellkevin Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Hello everyone, Since we're on the topic of personal statements, I had a question about mine. I had applied to two PA programs in California, and was rejected immediately because of a GPA requirement. Obviously, I will work on my GPA and build my resume until the next time I apply again. And with that, I wanted to ask if I could still use my personal statement and the supplementary responses for the next time I apply? Of course, I will adjust certain components of my statement based on any new compelling life experiences. I did recall a section on my supplemental where I could state my improvements since I last applied. Will schools be able to pull up old rejected applications and compare it to the new application? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudypa Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Hello everyone, Will schools be able to pull up old rejected applications and compare it to the new application? Of course, the schools you already applied to will. Any new schools will not. But as a year goes by, some things must have changed, so you will want to tweak your PS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloe Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Hi there, I find it good, make sure you read it over and over and take it to the writing lab of any college for correction. You should briefly present you culture since you mentioned it in your writing. You can have sample motivational letter online also oveall good job Cloe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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