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Intro advice - Military


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I have a few Ideas, but I need some advice.  Let me know what you think.

 

“Now lie face down on the table and drop your pants a little.”  A somewhat odd request, but my mom was in the room so it couldn’t be anything too bad, right?  Wrong!  Next thing I know the doctor or nurse or whoever jabs a large needle into my buttock and depress a thick viscous liquid that seemed to have never ending supply.  This is my earliest medical related memory; so to say that I always wanted to be a physician assistant or in the medical field period would be a slight exaggeration.

   Then I was going say how my opinion/perspective have change... moving into some military anecdotes from my time in Iraq (using experiences from two tours) with the naval special operation EOD teams (bomb squad - I wouldn't actually use acronyms) and how my experiences have solidified my interest/ desire for the PA profession......

 

Or

 

 Should I leave out the first part and instead begin with/ make the entire personal statement military oriented???

 

Any advice/criticism is welcome.

Cheers

 

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Hahaha. It's funny and grabs your attention, that's for sure. But just because it's far from mundane doesn't mean you should stick with it.

 

I agree with UGoLong. Do some stream-of-consciousness writing, and see what you come up with. Then, if this silly anecdote still fits in, go for it. But don't force it. 

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Write your whole story in about 500 words and see what happens. After a while, you'll know what is superfluous and what helps with the story.

 

From what I've read, I know almost nothing about you. You should remedy that.

you know that he doesn't like shots....and probably likes the movie "the hurt locker"

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