Lightning bolt

[Jpruette]

 

Hello all - I am not a "traditional" PA applicant.  I am 43 and I have had a couple of careers, all of them near the medical field but none of them quite right.  I've had a lot of schooling, I have a M.S. in Microbiology (and I teach it at community college), and I've recently finished all 32 credits of pre-reqs for PA because my original courses were too OLD to be considered - ugh.  I have a 4.0 GPA in the post-bacc pre-reqs, a 3.9 in my graduate work and my undergrad was kind of all over the map.  I figure it won't hurt me too badly because it was in the 80's  (yeah, 1980's) and I am still over the 3.0 minimum. 

 

I have two drafts - I took feedback from the first one and rewrote: Here they both are, #2 1st.

Have at it - the more specific the advice, the better.  

 

 

Draft #2:

 

I wish I could tell you that I have always wanted to be a Physician Assistant.  In reality, I didn’t even know what a PA was until I was already in graduate school, and regretting it.  At that time, I was already on a different career path, maybe the wrong one.  In the 15 years since then, I have made many little decisions and small, seemingly unimportant changes. I sometimes don’t realize how different I am, until I look back and see how my goals and needs have changed.  What I thought was important to me in my 20’s wasn’t really all that fulfilling, and what I thought I was good at wasn’t the whole scope of my talents.  Being a PA started to sound interesting to me, as I began to read articles about the anticipated primary care shortage, and hear people talking about being a PA. I liked that this was a career that offered flexibility and required intellect. I could receive satisfaction by giving comfort and helping people in need, as I had had in my pharmaceutical HIV job, at the same time as continue to learn and intellectually grow, as I had in my research experience.  But I was unsure, it was a lot of time and effort to go back to school in the middle of my life – was it worth it?

 

As is often the case, life can veer off course in a single moment, one experience leading to a cascade of consequences.   I was driving home one day, and I witnessed a car accident.  I pulled over to see if everyone was ok.  Another witness was already on their phone with 911, so I went to the car that had been hit.  The driver was an older lady, she was clutching her chest and bent over the steering wheel.  She looked up at me, and I was immediately reminded of my mother.  She looked so lost and scared.  I opened her door, and took her hand. Her name was Margaret.  I talked to her, and told her that the ambulance would be there soon.  She held on to me.  I told her what had happened, and asked about what hurt. She held on to me until the EMT’s arrived.  She insisted on holding onto me until she got into the ambulance, and they made her let go.  As I watched the ambulance pull away, I was suddenly struck.  THIS is what I want.  I want to be there when someone is scared and hurt.  I want to be there to comfort.  But I was also frustrated: I wanted to do more for Margaret – I gave her comfort, but I wished I knew more and could do more. 

Margaret was my lightning bolt – the person who showed me that being a PA would be gratifying and fulfill my need to comfort, care, and solve. She spurred me to make the changes necessary to start a new career.  Shadowing PAs has only reinforced my conclusion that being a PA would allow my mind and soul to come together:  be intellectually challenged while making a difference in other people’s lives. The PAs I have spoken to love their jobs, they feel needed, appreciated and useful. Those are the things that are important to me. 

 

A few months after the crash, Margaret called me and asked me to meet her and her daughter for lunch. She told me that I had made a terrible day better, just by being there, and being steady.  I made a difference in her life.  It was one of the best lunches of my life.  

 

Draft #1:

Some times, the changes we go though are so quiet, so subtle, that we don’t realize how far our lives have changed, until we look back.  We live our lives, each little thing falling gradually into place as consequences of small, seemingly unimportant choices. Other times, life can change suddenly, unalterably veering off course in a single moment, one choice leading to a cascade of consequences.   It took a literal crash to make me realize that being a PA is what I should be doing.

 

I wish I could say I have always wanted to be a PA.  In reality, I didn’t even know what a PA was until I was already in graduate school, and regretting it. I had wanted to help people, using science to do clinical research. While I enjoyed the intellectual puzzle of bench research, the reality of it was that I felt isolated, and the people I wanted to help were “out there,” not in the lab.  I didn’t feel like I was making much of a difference.

 

After I earned my Master’s Degree, I got a job as a pharmaceutical rep, thinking that I could impact people in a more immediate sense.  I represented an HIV drug and my clients were at infectious disease clinics all over Michigan.  As a drug rep, I had a big budget to spend however I liked, and what made the physicians and PAs happy was when I spent it on their patients.  I set up free testing days and helped my clinics provide information and counseling to patients and their families. On the advice of one of the patients I befriended, I volunteered at AIDS Partnership Michigan, working as an HIV educator.  But in the end, my job was really to sell product. It wasn’t to take care of the people I met, and after a few years I wasn’t learning anything new.  It was a paycheck (a really good paycheck), but it was not satisfying.

 

I had two children during this time, and I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with them. I knew it would be temporary, and I spent several years thinking about my next career step. While I was a stay-at-home mom, I was making a difference in the lives of my children, in the most hands-on way possible.  However, once my children got older and didn’t need me during the day, how could I continue to be useful? Gradual changes had, up until this point, been made.  And this is where the lightening bolt, out of the blue, happened.

 

I was driving home one day, and I witnessed a car accident.  I pulled over to see if everyone was ok.  Another witness was already on their phone with 911, so I went to the car that had been hit.  The driver was an older lady, she was clutching her chest and bent over the steering wheel.  She looked up at me, and I was immediately reminded of my mother.  She looked so lost and scared.  I opened her door, and took her hand. Her name was Margaret.  I talked to her, and told her that the ambulance would be there soon.  She held on to me.  I told her what had happened, and asked about what hurt. She held on to me until the EMT’s arrived.  She insisted on holding onto me until she got into the ambulance, and they made her let go.  As I watched the ambulance pull away, I was suddenly struck.  THIS is what I want.  I want to be there when someone is scared and hurt.  I want to be there to comfort.  But I was also frustrated: I wanted to do more for Margaret.  I wished I knew more. 

Margaret was my lightning bolt – the person who showed me my next step. I want to give comfort and care in a hands-on manner, while using my intellect to solve problems. Shadowing PAs has only reinforced my conclusion that being a PA would allow my mind and soul to come together:  be intellectually challenged while making a difference in other people’s lives. The PAs I have spoken to love their jobs, they feel needed, appreciated and useful. 

My enthusiasm to be useful and my passion to continue learning makes me an ideal candidate to become a PA. I will do all I can to give my best physical and emotional care to my patients and their families. 

[merp]

What I like about your narrative (and you experience) is that is very different in content and style from what I've seen posted on here. It stands out to me. 

 

 

Sometimes, the changes we go though are so quiet and subtle, that we don’t realize how far our lives have changed until we look back.  We live our lives, each little thing falling gradually into place as consequences of small, seemingly unimportant choices . Other times, life can change suddenly, unalterably veering off course in a single moment, one choice leading to a cascade of consequences (these two sentences are a little confusing to me. I understand the content but it's a bit convoluted) .   It took a literal crash to make me realize that being a PA is what I should be doing.

 

I wish I could say I have always wanted to be a PA.  In reality, I didn’t even know what a PA was until I was already in graduate school (take out the comma) and regretting it. I had wanted to help people by using science to do clinical research. While I enjoyed the intellectual puzzle of bench research, the reality of it was that I felt isolated. The people I wanted to help were “out there,” not in the lab.  I didn’t feel like I was making much of a difference.

 

After I earned my Master’s Degree, I got a job as a pharmaceutical rep, thinking that I could impact people in a more immediate sense.  I represented an HIV drug and my clients were at infectious disease clinics all over Michigan.  As a drug rep, I had a big budget to spend however I liked, and what made the physicians and PAs happy was when I spent it on their patients.  I set up free testing days and helped my clinics provide information and counseling to patients and their families. On the advice of one of the patients I befriended, I volunteered at AIDS Partnership Michigan, working as an HIV educator.  But in the end (I personally like using "But" to start sentences because it sounds more natural/conversational, but I know it's not "proper". You could change it to "In reality" or "However" if you want to get really nitpicky), my job was to sell product. It wasn’t to take care of the people I met and after a few years I wasn’t learning anything new.  It was a good paycheck, but it was not satisfying (I like this paragraph. I really wouldn't change much about it as it shows that you have worked with physicians, P.A.'s, and people, but not in the traditional, "I was working as a C.N.A., tech, whatever").

 

I had two children during this time, and I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with them. I knew it would be temporary, and I spent several years thinking about my next career step. While I was a stay-at-home mom, I was making a difference in the lives of my children, in the most hands-on way possible.  However, once my children got older and didn’t need me during the day, how could I continue to be useful? Gradual changes had, up until this point, been made.  And this is where the lightening bolt (I would attempt tie this back to the "crash" you mentioned in your introductory statement), out of the blue, happened.

 

I was driving home one day, and I witnessed a car accident.  I pulled over to see if everyone was ok.  Another witness was already on their phone with 911, so I went to the car that had been hit.  The driver was an older lady; she was clutching her chest and bent over the steering wheel.  She looked up at me, and I was immediately reminded of my mother.  She looked so lost and scared.  I opened her door, and took her hand. Her name was Margaret.  I talked to her, and told her that the ambulance would be there soon.  She held on to me.  I told her what had happened, and asked about what hurt. She held on to me until the EMT’s arrived.  She insisted on holding onto me until she got into the ambulance, and they made her let go (sounds repetitive).  As I watched the ambulance pull away, I was suddenly struck.  THIS is what I want.  I want to be there when someone is scared and hurt.  I want to be there to comfort.  But I was also frustrated: I wanted to do more for Margaret.  I wished I knew more. 

Margaret was my lightning bolt – the person who showed me my next step. I want to give comfort and care in a hands-on manner, while using my intellect to solve problems. Shadowing PAs has only reinforced my conclusion that being a PA would allow my mind and soul to come together; I want to be intellectually challenged while making a difference in other people’s lives  The PAs I have spoken to love their jobs. They feel needed, appreciated and useful (as a reader, I would appreciate more specificity in this paragraph. This might not be the case for the person who is reading your application and hundreds of others though, so take it how you will :) )

My enthusiasm to be useful and my passion to continue learning makes me an ideal candidate to become a PA. I will do all I can to give my best physical and emotional care to my patients and their families 

[Jpruette]

 

Thank you for your feedback Jessicaloftis!  I revised it quite a bit and added the new draft at the top - would you take a quick peek and see what you think?  I feel that it is more focused on what I want to do next as opposed to what I did before, which the ad coms can see already from my CASPA application.

 

Thanks again for your time.

[merp]

Of course. I'm sure I will ask you to read my next drafts :)

 

I wish I could tell you that I have always wanted to be a Physician Assistant.  In reality, I didn’t even know what a PA was until I was already in graduate school and regretting it.  At that time, I was already on a different career path, maybe the wrong one.  In the 15 years since then, I have made many little decisions and small, seemingly unimportant changes. I sometimes don’t realize how different I am, until I look back and see how my goals and needs have changed.  What I thought was important to me in my 20’s wasn’t really all that fulfilling, and what I thought I was good at wasn’t the whole scope of my talents (I like what you're saying, just not necessarily how it's said) .  Being a PA started to sound interesting to me as I began to read articles about the anticipated primary care shortage, and hear people (what people?) talking about being a PA. I liked that this was a career that offered flexibility and required intellect. I could receive satisfaction by giving comfort and helping people in need, as I had had in my pharmaceutical HIV job, while continuing to learn and intellectually grow as I had in my research experience.  But I was unsure; it was a lot of time and effort to go back to school in the middle of my life – was it worth it?

 

As is often the case, life can veer off course in a single moment, one experience leading to a cascade of consequences.   I was driving home one day, and I witnessed a car accident.  I pulled over to see if everyone was ok.  Another witness was already on their phone with 911, so I went to the car that had been hit.  The driver was an older lady, she was clutching her chest and bent over the steering wheel.  She looked up at me, and I was immediately reminded of my mother.  She looked so lost and scared.  I opened her door, and took her hand. Her name was Margaret.  I talked to her, and told her that the ambulance would be there soon.  She held on to me.  I told her what had happened, and asked about what hurt. She held on to me until the EMT’s arrived.  She insisted on holding onto me until she got into the ambulance, and they made her let go.  As I watched the ambulance pull away, I was suddenly struck.  THIS is what I want.  I want to be there when someone is scared and hurt.  I want to be there to comfort.  But I was also frustrated: I wanted to do more for Margaret – I gave her comfort, but I wished I knew more and could do more (what specifically since you already stated above that you wanted to do more for Margaret) . 

Margaret was my lightning bolt – the person who showed me that being a PA would be gratifying and fulfill my need to comfort, care, and solve. She spurred me to make the changes necessary to start a new career.  Shadowing PAs has only reinforced my conclusion that being a PA would allow my mind and soul to come together:  be intellectually challenged while making a difference in other people’s lives. The PAs I have spoken to love their jobs, they feel needed, appreciated and useful. Those are the things that are important to me. 

 

A few months after the crash, Margaret called me and asked me to meet her and her daughter for lunch. She told me that I had made a terrible day better, just by being there, and being steady (steady doesn't sound right to me. Reassuring, perhaps?).  I made a difference in her life.  It was one of the best lunches of my life.  

 

I like that it's concise. It's not a lot of fluff (something I've struggled with in my writing) and it shows honesty and character. 

[EMEDPA]

I like it. As an adcom member I would read this part:

"As I watched the ambulance pull away, I was suddenly struck.  THIS is what I want.  I want to be there when someone is scared and hurt"

 

and think" this guy should go to paramedic school...."

[CSCH]

I really enjoyed reading this (2nd draft). You had me hooked start to finish. Good flow.

 

You definitely need to specify why you're choosing PA and not some other path.

 

Good luck!!