CASPA Narrative Rough draft- please critique

[rnfromAZ]

My first attempt at the CASPA narrative. I want to convey several things: 1: I will be an excellent PA. 2: Just because I am currently a nurse does not mean I cannot think like a medical clinician and practice medicine in the future. 3: Although I had several poor grades as a freshman and sophomore in college, I have gotten my priorities together and committees should look more closely at the semesters past those.

 

Please be constructive! Thanks! 

 

 

 

 “Your son had a cardiac arrest soon after coming back from the operating room. He is stable now, but is on ECMO.” As I am drawing blood from my post-operative heart transplant patient, I listen to the Pediatric Cardiac ICU Physician Assistant, Amy, comfort my patient’s family, all the while explaining the mechanics of ECMO, Extracorporeal Membrane Oxygenation, and the physiologic condition that led him to arrest. Empowered with knowledge, the parents feel confident enough to leave the unit, have dinner, and leave for the night to the hotel.  Prior to Amy spending almost an hour with my patient’s parents, discussing the prognosis and the plan of care for the coming days, these parents had barely left the unit to use the restroom since their son was admitted two weeks ago with end stage heart failure. I was amazed at how well-rounded a medical provider Amy was; encompassing compassion, empathy, and an extensive medical knowledge to not only provide excellent care to her patients, but to their families as well. That was five years ago, and I had been a nurse for almost a year. Though the patient ended up ultimately dying several days after transplant, this single day out of my career still is in the forefront of my mind. This is the day that I decided I wanted to be the medical provider to these children that Amy was. This is the day that I decided I would become a Physician Assistant.

            First and foremost, I must acknowledge the question I receive almost every time I tell someone about my passion to become a Physician Assistant. “Why? You’re a nurse, why don’t you become a Nurse Practitioner?” My answer is always the same: I believe the education that Physician Assistants receive allow them to become the most capable and well-rounded medical providers possible. I am confident that the education I will receive as a Physician Assistant student, modeled from medical school curriculum, will give me the foundation in diagnostics and the physiological sciences to be the most knowledgeable and talented provider that I could possibly be. Since becoming an ICU nurse in 2008, I have had the privilege of working closely with several Physician Assistants including Amy, and have yet to meet an individual who was neither lacking in medical knowledge skill nor dissatisfied by their career choice.

            When completing this application, it was disheartening to scour through some of the grades achieved during the first year of my undergraduate education. However, I am proud of the academic accomplishments I have made since I have passed through that adjustment period of my life.  An example of my academic achievements and commitment can be seen in my latest coursework. Despite working overnight every other month, I have been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA in all pre-requisite science courses I have attempted.

I will be an excellent Physician Assistant. I am a diligent student and clinician with a strong work ethic and a passion for helping others. I firmly believe the foundation for a patient’s favorable outcome is the presence of a strong medical team spearheading their care. I will be an essential member of this team, providing exceptional medical care to children with cardiac defects in both the inpatient and primary care settings.  I will make a difference in my patients’ lives. I will be someone’s Amy.

 

[Joelseff]

Very good first draft. The last paragraph, instead of the first sentence, maybe openthat up as a tie in on how your academics, both bad and good, helped contribute to your desire to be a pa and if you had some bad grades etc, how you overcame that to get to where you are at now. Give something specific like "My first year in college was difficult because I had no real direction, but once I realized my goal of being a PA, I found myself succeeding at school. Evidenced by my 4.0 GPA from that point on." Or something like that. I think that is the best way to answer for bad past grades.

 

You got some good stuff here. I would probably structure the essay better. Try the old collegiate outline for writing a persuasive essay:

Intro with main points and thesis statement followed by the body addressing each point with facts and supportive evidence and a conlcusion reinforcing the thesis.

 

Here are some good tips on persuasive essay writing

 

http://www.studygs.net/wrtstr4.htm

 

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[rnfromAZ]

Joel, Thank you for your critique. I appreciate it!

[Joelseff]

No worries. Knock em dead

 

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[rnfromAZ]

Joel- Do you think I should get rid of the first paragraph that contains the story about the PA? I began with that to draw the reader in and hook them

[Joelseff]

Joel- Do you think I should get rid of the first paragraph that contains the story about the PA? I began with that to draw the reader in and hook them

I would keep parts of it especially the story-just condense it. It's a good opening but tie it into your thesis statement.

 

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[rnfromAZ]

I was thinking of something on the lines as this for my thesis:

I learned from Amy what an excellent PA is made of. And I realized that I am made of the same: compassion, motivation, intellect, and talent. These attributes will make me an elite candidate for Physician Assistant Education.