PA personal statement very rough draft

[HighlanderPrePA]

Here is my first go at a rough draft for my personal statement. I know it needs work but I wanted some insight. Any help is appreciated.     

 

    The first time I truly knew what compassion felt like was when a patient came into the emergency room for fatigue and abdominal pain. That may seem simple, but in talking to the man while waiting on his CT scan to be read I found out that he had recently adopted triplets. While he was scared to see what the tests showed, he lit up when he talked about the little girls he now called his own. He laughed and said if I can make it through Vietnam, a little tummy pain isn’t going to kill me. I will never forget the look on his face when the doctor I was scribing for went in the room and this veteran he had end stage liver cancer. As a scribe in a rural emergency room I routinely saw this man come in for pain management and IV fluids. One day, I asked a nurse why I hadn’t seen him in a while and she told me he had passed away.

            This experience could have hardened me and turned me away from the career in healthcare I wanted, but instead it lit a fire inside and made me want to be able to have an impact in the lives of others. Seeing this man, who was actively dying, constantly thank the doctors and Physician Assistants who saw him and helped to ease his discomfort helped to restore my faith in humanity. My goal from that day forward was to become a PA where I could help other men and women like this man who had an impact on my life.

            Upon moving to a position as a medical assistant in a dermatology practice, I have been able to interact with patients on a more personal level. Being able to joke with a patient and comfort them before being stuck with that needle they fear or talking a patient through a diagnosis of cancer has been very rewarding and challenging.  

            Being a PA is a goal of mine because of the ability to perform as a healthcare provider, while having the ability to change fields when needed. I love that as a PA, I can work in an ER one year, work as a pediatrician the next and then work as a general surgeon PA the next. That ability to be a “jack of all trades” is something that I love the idea of as my life moves closer to my end goal, being a PA-C. With that said, being a PA also appeals to me because I can become a master of one field when I find my true field of calling. 

[DiggySRNA]

Good start, I like your intro. 

Suggestions:

• try including some community service -- maybe a personal experience. That would bring your PS to the next level.
• remove "PA-C". It is assumed that if you desire to practice medicine as a PA, you're required to be Certified. 
• If you're going to capitalize Physician Assistant (PA), you must also capitalize Doctor (it is respectful)
• Also, be careful with how you use medical terminology. A Physician Assistant cannot practice as a Pediatrician, nor Surgeon because PAs are not physicians. BUT, PAs can practice as a Pediatric Physician Assistant or Surgical Assistant. 

Think big. As a future provider, a PA at that, what can you bring to the PA profession. It's not all focused on patient-centered care, but also community service, and serving undeserved populations, both nationally and globally. 

 

Continue doing your research, you have a lot to learn my friend :)

[aquariuspa]

I agree with all the changes umbPA suggested. It's great that you are open minded about working in different fields of medicine but if your essay is going to a program that focuses on primary care they may not like that you want to be a surgical pa or a ER pa. Although pediatric falls within that category I would focus more on the mission statements of the programs you are interested in and see how I can integrate their interest with your own and make it sound harmonious. I hope this makes sense. Good luck!

[HighlanderPrePA]

Thank you so much umbPA and aquariuspa. I will be taking your advice and adding to my draft. I wanted to talk about my experience working wit iCanBike which teaches autistic kids how to bike but I didn't want to seem like I was trying to hard. I'm going to edit and put the new draft up. Thank you.

[Joelseff]

Great start like everyone else said. I like how you gave us a REAL experience to show how much you want this. UmbPA made good points. The last paragraph needs some rewriting. I agree with aquariuspa. Make sure you emphasixe how you will fit in with the mission of the program you are applying to. All in all good stuff. Keep working on it.

 

Here are some good tips on how to write a persuasive essay.

 

http://www.studygs.net/wrtstr4.htm

[DiggySRNA]

Thank you so much umbPA and aquariuspa. I will be taking your advice and adding to my draft. I wanted to talk about my experience working wit iCanBike which teaches autistic kids how to bike but I didn't want to seem like I was trying to hard. I'm going to edit and put the new draft up. Thank you.

This would be great experience. It's real life and it shows that you put other's interests before yours. Talk about the relationships you made, the emotional bonding, and how it made you view life.

[HighlanderPrePA]

I took the advice I was given and hope this is a little bit closer to the end goal of an essay that is going to help me get into PA school. Thanks for any additional critiques. 

 

            The first time I truly knew what compassion felt like was when a patient came into the emergency room for fatigue and abdominal pain. That may seem simple, but in talking to the man while waiting on his CT scan to be read I found out that he had recently adopted triplets. While he was scared to see what the tests showed, he lit up when he talked about the little girls he now called his own. He laughed and said if I can make it through Vietnam, a little tummy pain isn’t going to kill me. I will never forget the look on his face when the Physician I was scribing for went in the room and this veteran he had end stage liver cancer. As a scribe in a rural emergency room I routinely saw this man come in for pain management and IV fluids. One day, I asked a nurse why I hadn’t seen him in a while and she told me he had passed away.

            This experience could have hardened me and turned me away from the career in healthcare I wanted, but instead it lit a fire inside and made me want to be able to have an impact in the lives of others. Seeing this man, who was actively dying, constantly thank the Physicians and Physician Assistants who saw him and helped to ease his discomfort helped to restore my faith in humanity. My goal from that day forward was to become a PA where I could help other men and women like this man who had an impact on my life.

            Upon moving to a position as a medical assistant in a dermatology practice, I have been able to interact with patients on a more personal level. Being able to joke with a patient and comfort them before being stuck with that needle they fear or talking a patient through a diagnosis of cancer has been very rewarding and challenging. 

            Through experience with iCanBike, a program that teaches young people with autism and other developmental disorders how to ride a traditional two wheel bike, I learned how to be patient and the amazing feeling of helping someone else achieve a goal. When I worked in this program, I was paired with a fourteen year old boy who on Monday was unable to ride the bike on the easiest setting and got frustrated at the drop of a hat. On Friday of that week, after a lot hard work and encouragement he was able to ride somewhat unassisted on a two wheel bike. The look on his face as he rode brought his mom to tears, and made me feel beyond happy about the time I invested. This experience in serving others was amazing because I had a sense of pride in this young man in his accomplishments, and it helped me to step back and reevaluate what is important in my life.

            Being a PA is a goal of mine because of the ability to perform as a healthcare provider, while having the ability to change fields when needed. I love that as a PA, I can work in a variety of fields within medicine, with the ability to move laterally. That ability to be a “jack of all trades” is something that I love the idea of as my life moves closer to my end goal, being a PA. With that said, being a PA also appeals to me because I can become a master of one field when I find my true field of calling. Through this journey to come I know that I will use my life experiences to become the best PA possible and make a difference in other people’s lives.