Second revision of personal statement. PLEASE READ AND CRITIQUE.

[jcapito1]

As I pushed my cart filled with phlebotomy supplies down the meandering hallway of the intensive care unit, I began to hear the steady pounding of footsteps on the ceramic floor. Within seconds, a plethora of nurses and clinicians rushed quickly around me into a patient’s room. It was at that moment I heard the all too familiar monotone phrase blaring out of the intercom “Code Blue.” I quickly rushed to the patient’s room to determine if any assistance was necessary. I observed from a distance as a physician and physician assistant worked hastily to combat the patient’s violent seizures. It was apparent that the physician was not barking orders at the PA, but rather they were assisting each other in unison to provide the best possible outcome for the patient. This was an enlightening experience that began to define a physician assistants modern role in medicine and initiated my profound interest in the profession.

My passion was further ignited during my father’s series of prolonged hospital visits due to end stage renal failure. I observed several clinicians of varying capacity treating my father; despite their extensive knowledge of medicine, an overwhelming majority lacked the ability or desire to empathize effectively. Critically important to a patient’s well-being is a multifaceted approach to relationship based care. Learning the countless nuances of medicine is of monumental importance to every practicing clinician; however, mastering the art of empathy and realizing the humanistic aspects of medical science affords a refreshing perspective that the healthcare community desires. As a PA, I will continuously strive to emulate these attributes throughout my professional career.

Becoming a successful physician assistant requires a variety of skills, many of which cannot be taught in the classroom. Throughout both my professional and academic career I developed a unique sense of the medical field’s multifaceted landscape, and found myself at the intersection of its social contours and the biochemical labyrinth of the human body. Deeply intertwined in my fascination with the medical sciences is an incessant desire to help others, alleviate unnecessary suffering, and contribute to ongoing medical research in this field. Optimal healthcare extends beyond hard science to integrate medical intellect with altruism. It is from a holistic perspective that I extend my refined skills, relentless determination, and motivation in pursuit of a career as a physician assistant.

Throughout my professional career and life experiences I have developed an uncanny ability to empathize. Working as a medical technologist at Ahuja Medical Center, I regularly drew blood during morning rounds. Routine blood draws became a window through which patients revealed their concerns, grievances, or shared stories unrelated to their illness. I came to know patients well and developed a profound sense of obligation through routinization. Hearing their concerns, rather than simply listening and moving on to the next, humanized each patient, from which a relationship was built upon with mutual respect and compassion. As a PA, support for a patient is multifaceted, involving various levels of engagement in the physical, social, and emotional realms. Although logistical parameters constrained the time frame of blood draws, listening and assisting the patient in any way possible became an essential component of my work.

As a physician assistant, I will strive to not only thoroughly comprehend the medical aspects needed to be successful, but also convey a sense of empathy to every patient I treat. The modern healthcare environment demands PAs develop a collaborative approach that integrates sound medical knowledge with compassion for the ailing. Without empathy, PAs cannot maximize their potential as healers and consequently provide inferior care. My professional, personal and social experiences have contributed to my profound sense of obligation to help those with debilitating illnesses, which provides the foundation from which I will become a successful physician assistant.

 

 

 

[jcapito1]

As I pushed my cart filled with phlebotomy supplies down the meandering hallway of the intensive care unit, I began to hear the steady pounding of footsteps on the ceramic floor. Within seconds, a plethora of nurses and clinicians rushed quickly around me into a patient’s room. It was at that moment I heard the all too familiar monotone phrase blaring out of the intercom “Code Blue.” I quickly rushed to the patient’s room to determine if any assistance was necessary. I observed from a distance as a physician and physician assistant worked hastily to combat the patient’s violent seizures. It was apparent that the physician was not barking orders at the PA, but rather they were assisting each other in unison to provide the best possible outcome for the patient. This was an enlightening experience that began to define a physician assistants modern role in medicine and initiated my profound interest in the profession.

My passion was further ignited during my father’s series of prolonged hospital visits due to end stage renal failure. I observed several clinicians of varying capacity treating my father; despite their extensive knowledge of medicine, an overwhelming majority lacked the ability or desire to empathize effectively. Critically important to a patient’s well-being is a multifaceted approach to relationship based care. Learning the countless nuances of medicine is of monumental importance to every practicing clinician; however, mastering the art of empathy and realizing the humanistic aspects of medical science affords a refreshing perspective that the healthcare community desires. As a PA, I will continuously strive to emulate these attributes throughout my professional career.

Becoming a successful physician assistant requires a variety of skills, many of which cannot be taught in the classroom. Throughout both my professional and academic career I developed a unique sense of the medical field’s multifaceted landscape, and found myself at the intersection of its social contours and the biochemical labyrinth of the human body. Deeply intertwined in my fascination with the medical sciences is an incessant desire to help others, alleviate unnecessary suffering, and contribute to ongoing medical research in this field. Optimal healthcare extends beyond hard science to integrate medical intellect with altruism. It is from a holistic perspective that I extend my refined skills, relentless determination, and motivation in pursuit of a career as a physician assistant.

Throughout my professional career and life experiences I have developed an uncanny ability to empathize. Working as a medical technologist at Ahuja Medical Center, I regularly drew blood during morning rounds. Routine blood draws became a window through which patients revealed their concerns, grievances, or shared stories unrelated to their illness. I came to know patients well and developed a profound sense of obligation through routinization. Hearing their concerns, rather than simply listening and moving on to the next, humanized each patient, from which a relationship was built upon with mutual respect and compassion. As a PA, support for a patient is multifaceted, involving various levels of engagement in the physical, social, and emotional realms. Although logistical parameters constrained the time frame of blood draws, listening and assisting the patient in any way possible became an essential component of my work.

As a physician assistant, I will strive to not only thoroughly comprehend the medical aspects needed to be successful, but also convey a sense of empathy to every patient I treat. The modern healthcare environment demands PAs develop a collaborative approach that integrates sound medical knowledge with compassion for the ailing. Without empathy, PAs cannot maximize their potential as healers and consequently provide inferior care. My professional, personal and social experiences have contributed to my profound sense of obligation to help those with debilitating illnesses, which provides the foundation from which I will become a successful physician assistant.

 

 

 

I reposted it because the formatting was weird on the first post and I thought this would be easier to read. Thank you for all of your input I really appreciate it!

[jsr0200]

This is an excellent essay. You have conveyed that you know exactly what PAs do, and why you think you will be a good PA. Clear, concise, sincere - WELL DONE!!  

[Roadrunner9]

I actually disagree with JSR0200... It is a excellent STORY.  It will draw in the admissions committee which is exactly what you want to do.  You can do that in one paragraph though.  However on CASPA it states describe your motivations to be a PA, right?  You have to make your narrative not only express why you want to be a PA, but why you are a good fit, and what you understand about the profession (in relation to other professions in healthcare).  Everything you said in this essay was very wordy.  You do a good job at making yourself sound intelligent and articulate, however, I think you can do a better job answering the "Why".  An admissions committee may be wondering after reading this, "why does she specifically want to be a PA... sure she has seen what they do, but she doesnt talk about it much.  Why not a nurse, doctor, paramedic, firefighter, they all excel at empathy as well.  Does she really understand why she wants to be a PA?"

 

When I wrote my essay I focused on a life changing event that made me want to be a PA.  I talked about my shadowing experience and how that inspired me as well.  I talked about why I wanted to be a PA as well and why nurse, doctor, dentist, and all the other careers were not a good fit for me.  Talking about empathy an awesome start, however, you can be empathetic in any healthcare career if you so choose to be.  

 

Think about it this way... if you substituted every "physician assistant" in your essay with "doctor", or "nurse", or "nurse practitioner" ... it would still sound good.  Work on specifics!! What draws you to be a PA and not the other things!

[Roadrunner9]

It is a very good start though!!  Be proud of what you wrote down because your essay in the end will be excellent. 

[FuturePA1990]

Great Start! Here is some feedback:

 

Your initial paragraph is excellent! It literally gave me a scene that i could imagine happening and it also made me understand why that particular incident would stand out to you. While a great start, it almost left me wanting more.. So you see this relationship of a PA and DR working side by side what next? What exactly stood out to YOU from that interaction. Why didn't that experience make you want to pursue being a doctor verses PA? Or maybe it did, and something else finalized why PA was the right choice for you. --Pretty much the reader needs to understand HOW exactly that incident moved you in one direction or another. As is now, it reads as an observation with nothing that directly build on it from there (and maybe that's what you intended, and if so then disregard lol).

 

I would also beware with the empathy paragraph. I've seen a couple of PS that include this and sometimes it works sometimes it does not. In your statement it can be taken two ways (1. you think that most other healthcare professions don't show empathy (even though you didn't say this someone reading it, i.e. a doc can take it that way) 2. You are bringing up a "fluff" point, because quite frankly docs, pa's, and nurses can all be empathetic in their work. --> You can use it though, you just have to make a clearer link to the statement about your fathers hospital visits. So pretty much you would want to use this as a pathos paragraph (speaking about how you felt when empathy wasn't given to your father, how you were there for him to give him that support, and how that experience molded you into the kind of healthcare provider that connects to your patients on a much more personal level.--> once again take with a grain of salt : )

 

 

Finally, this might just be a personal thing so feel free to smile at this and ignore, i think you want to be weary of using too many "big" words so close together (and by big I don't necessarily mean difficult, i mean a mouthful) --> here are my thoughts on this (and like i said just my opinion, absolutely nothing wrong with keeping it this way), if i were a member of adcom reading HUNDREDS of personal statements, and i read something that started sound like a scientific journal, i would be more inclined to skim, whereas if I were reading a statement that was an easier read (one where it was still clear this individual can write and articulate his/her thoughts on a collegiate level) I would be more likely to read the statement in full and not skim.

 

Great thoughts are included in your PS, so I am sure your final draft will be top notch!

[BARONEUS]

I have to be honest, and please know my intent is to help make this essay reflect a greater understanding of the medical field. With that said, A "code blue" typically means cardiac arrest, and you can't seize if your heart has stopped. You might consider changing the seize part. Also, admissions committee members also search the internet and read lots of apps, and they also know that story lead-ins are the next big thing in pre-PA essays. Try to think outside (or inside, because everyone seems to be outside nowadays) the box.

[Roadrunner9]

I have to be honest, and please know my intent is to help make this essay reflect a greater understanding of the medical field. With that said, A "code blue" typically means cardiac arrest, and you can't seize if your heart has stopped. You might consider changing the seize part. Also, admissions committee members also search the internet and read lots of apps, and they also know that story lead-ins are the next big thing in pre-PA essays. Try to think outside (or inside, because everyone seems to be outside nowadays) the box.

 

Actually, working as an ER scribe I have seen seizures lead to cardiac arrests in elderly people.  Also, I am not an expert by any means, but I think you can still have a seizure if you experience cardiac arrest since both can go hand in hand-- rare but they can.  Seizures have to do more with brain activity, and not the heart.  However, Im sure the heart is important in seizures.  I agree that there should be clarification though.  If there isnt be prepared to at least be able to explain what has happened.  

[Hedgehog24]

I have to be honest, and please know my intent is to help make this essay reflect a greater understanding of the medical field. With that said, A "code blue" typically means cardiac arrest, and you can't seize if your heart has stopped. You might consider changing the seize part. Also, admissions committee members also search the internet and read lots of apps, and they also know that story lead-ins are the next big thing in pre-PA essays. Try to think outside (or inside, because everyone seems to be outside nowadays) the box.

 

I thought I was the only one thinking this! (No offense to the OP or anyone else who has written a story to begin their application.) It really does seem like constructing a PA admissions essay around a story is done by essentially every applicant nowadays. It's funny, because every single pre-PA website I have browsed that provides advice/guidelines regarding the essay strongly suggests using the "story" technique, but most of those articles were written 1-2 years ago, and it seems like this has become the de facto standard. Just out of curiosity, what kind of structure/theme did most successful PA program applicants utilize before the notion of telling a story became so popular? And what are some other unique and creative ways to write a compelling essay without telling a story?

[BARONEUS]

In my first application's essay, I started with a story :-), and didn't get in (must have been a bad one). I saw that (in)famous acceptance letter that some seasoned combat surgeon Air Force fighter pilot-type wrote, patterned my letter after that, practiced the interview questions over and over, and gave a great canned interview just like the rest of the pack. The year I got in I trashed the whole story idea, took out all the "if I say this, they'll accept me", and "I promise I'm awesome" crap, said "F-it," and just tried to answer the question of "why should we pick you" as best as I could. I literally just made a list of 3-4 reasons and turned those reasons into paragraphs. The flow of it was actually worse, and the ending is a little abrupt. I learned that admissions committees aren't publishers, so they're not looking for some grand expose, they just wanna know what stands out about you (us), and they don't really care about how every time you feed a gimp pigeon a bread crumb you (in general) wanna go to PA school. In my humble opinion, which is not for everyone, the best outside-the-box play right now is to go simple. Really. I even regret practicing interview questions the first time. You're (again, generalization) either ready or you're not, and deciding that is not even up to you anyway.