Personal Statement draft! Feedback please

[taranibe]

I would really love any feedback, have not had to many people read over it. Thank you!

 

 

Medicine has always been a part of my life. As a child with severe asthma, I was hospitalized numerous times, and by the age of five, I was able to mix the solution to my own nebulizer treatments. Then at age nine, when I was placed in foster care, it just seemed natural to help take care of others.

 

 

As the oldest of three foster children taken in by a nurse, I instinctively assumed a motherly role. My foster brother was an infant born addicted to heroin and my foster sister had suffered 3rd degree burns over forty percent of her body from an abusive mother. I remember having to ‘glove up’ before changing my brother’s diaper because he was hepatitis C positive, as well as making sure his apnea monitor was on correctly. I also helped care for my sister’s routine skin grafts and pressure garments. These and other childhood experiences initiated the spark within me to help in a meaningful way and in a way that can impact another’s health. Recognizing my interest, my foster mother encouraged me to think about a medical career, which has ultimately led to my interest in becoming a Physician Assistant.

 

My interest in graduate school comes from a combined desire to help others and better myself. My biological mother had limited career options because she did not attend college and she had to work multiple jobs just to get by. My family was not able to afford health insurance and our only option was paying out of pocket for medication and doctor’s visits. I distinctly remember one night my mother had to choose between providing us dinner or buying my inhaler. No parent should have to face this dilemma. I believe a career as a Physician assistant will allow me to help families like the one into which I was born and also allow me to provide for the family of my own that I hope to have in the future.

 

Coming from a family where the children ‘raise themselves,’ I have had to rely on my own sense of direction. I chose health science for my major because the coursework fulfilled the prerequisites for PA programs. The road in obtaining my bachelors degree was difficult due to unforeseen family events. Over the course of the five years it took for me to complete my coursework, my mother, my father, and my youngest brother were incarcerated seven different times. With these stressful situations being a regular occurrence in my life, I was not able to make education a top priority. However, I was determined to beat the odds, and I refused to perpetuate the lifestyle my parents had chosen. I am very proud to declare that this past May, I was the first person in my family to complete a college degree.

 

Today, I work as a medical assistant at a dermatology office, an experience that confirms everyday that I have made the right career choice. I remember the first time I assisted in surgery; a flood of equal parts excitement and nervousness flushed over me as I watched carefully as the doctor cut into the patient’s skin. Some might find it repulsive to extract white cheesy keratin from an epidermal cyst, but I look forward to this kind of daily excitement. The process of diagnosis is also intriguing; as I take patient histories I enjoy playing an inner game. I construct my own diagnosis and treatment to compare to the doctor’s. In addition to routinely assisting with excisions, punch biopsies, and charting, I have also started doing procedures such as photodynamic therapy independently of the doctor. These new opportunities have been feeding my hunger and excitement for a more independent role in the medical field. I have also been expanding my knowledge by shadowing a PA who works in urgent care and I have accrued over 100 hours.

 

I have had a range of medical experiences and have worked with patients in various settings. I am looking forward to exploring additional areas of specialties during the Physician Assistant program. I have enjoyed the pediatric work at the Children’s Hospital of Orange County but I also enjoy assisting with surgery at the Dermatology Center. I know that some PA applicants have a chosen area of specialization, but I am interested in exploring many avenues and career ideas before I decide on one direction.

 

I am humbled by my past but proud of my ability to persevere through chaos, and I am overwhelmingly appreciative that these situations have ultimately led me to a passionate future. I am confident and ready to start the next chapter in my life.

[nixietink]

One thing that jumped out at me. This could be a narrative for someone applying to med school (replacing PA w/ Dr). Why do you want to be a PA? What is it about being a mid-level practitioner that is more appealing than a Dr?

[mcmullec]

avoid statements like this:

"I have wanted to be in medicine since I was a little girl/boy..."

"I want to help people"-- critics say this is very over-used and they already know you are interested in medicine and that you want to help people or else you wouldn't be applying to PA school. Show us that you want to help people through personal examples and events that took place in your life.. give them something to remember about you.

 

Keep your head up, you have a good start you just need to make this generic essay more personal.

 

Best of luck!