PA2016! Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 It has been a long time coming...write, rewrite, write and rewrite. What do you guys think? looking to submit in the next 2 weeks. Wanna get this fine tuned. Fall of 2012 “Unit two-zero-five to control.”, “Control, go ahead.” “I am going to need an ALS unit started my way emergency traffic, I have a 59 year old female complaining of blindness and seeing stars in the left eye. Patient’s blood pressure is 195 over 98, heart rate of 112, breathing 19 times a minute, sating at 90 percent room air. Patient has severe unilateral weakness of the left side, and is unable to speak clearly.” “10-4, two-zero-five, I do not have a unit available, transport the patients emergency traffic ASAP.” “10-4 control.” Four years ago I never imagined I would experience things such as the scenario described above. Looking back upon my hardships in life I thank God for his plan because it was specific moments that lead me to where I am today and shaped me into the determined, successful, caring person and student I am today. Fall 2008 “I am sorry; we are unable to offer you admissions at this time.” These were the words I had read one too many times. My senior year of high school was coming to a close and I had yet to receive admissions into college. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Going to college had always been the plan. In that moment, I felt like a failure, not only to myself but to my family as well. I always had approached things with a carefree attitude but that was due for a change… Fall 2009-Spring 2010 Oblivious at the time but living at home and attending a local community college was the best thing that ever happened to me. I began approaching my course work with an attitude I never knew was possible. After facing rejection the prior year, I was now determined to gain admissions into a four-year university. A year of hard work and dedication to my studies paid off when I reapplied to universities and obtained acceptance. These experiences taught me some of the most imperative life lessons I have ever learned; anything is attainable with self-discipline, hard work, and dedication. This realization ultimately carried me forward and set the stage for how I would approach my academics in university classes… Fall 2010 Throughout my studies in psychology I constantly asked myself “why?” yet always felt as if the answers were inconclusive. I kept finding myself wanting to know more about the physiology and to understand the biological processes behind the psychological problems we discussed in class. In search of these answers I began taking courses in biology. Fall 2011 The more I studied, the more enthusiastic I became about the topic. The human body and the means by which each system functions collaboratively and allows all of us to complete everyday tasks is astounding. I began to question if I could use this newfound knowledge of biology and physiology to make a difference in the lives of others. Shortly thereafter I learned about a local program that would allow me to obtain my basic life support certification in five weeks. I embraced the opportunity… Fall 2012 What I have come to enjoy most about working in the healthcare industry is the ability to comfort and treat my patients. Unfortunately there are moments, such as the one described above, when I feel as if I am no help and wish I cold do more for my patients. These helpless moments have given me the desire to further my knowledge and certifications to provide definitive healthcare to suffering patients. It was while dropping patients off in the ER that I discovered the physician assistant profession. Spring 2013 While shadowing PAs I have observed the collaborative method of care that PAs and MDs utilize to diagnose, treat, and care for their patients. The application of a team-based healthcare to treat patients is one aspect that draws me to the physician assistant career. My work experience has taught me the communication and listening skills necessary to understand and communicate with patients; along with cooperation and problem-solving abilities my partner and I utilize daily to treat our patients, all of which are necessary components for the effectiveness of team-based healthcare. Present Day Reflecting back upon my experiences, it has become evident that everything happened for a reason. My early academic hardships have made me a stronger student and allowed me to develop the determination and maturity I have today. I learned that if you want something to go for it; If you are unsure, ask questions; When you do something, be confident in it. Also, my work experience has prepared me for the team-based method of care that I will employ as a physician assistant. I understand that the road to becoming a physician assistant is not easy; in fact, several PAs have told me that it will be one of the hardest things I will ever do. My experiences have prepared for successes upon on the demanding road to certification. I am ready to embrace the challenge and to prove once again that I have what it takes to be successful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA2016! Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 19 views and no responses?? :saddd: PLEASE?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TarheelGirlx3 Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 I really don't understand the seasonal break down deal...just doesn't flow well...it's almost like bullet points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKR007 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I agree with the above. You also have several grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. You have "cold" when you mean 'could" and "Upon on" when you just mean upon. Maybe re-read this carefully a few more times or have someone else proofread for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HM2PA Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 @trobin58 A couple of pointers: 1) Keep it positive!! Of course you need to address any negatives in your app - but do not dedicate more than a few sentences. Saying things like "I was no help" does not sound very positive. 2) Make your formatting consistent throughout. You indented some paragraphs but not others - uniformity is important. 3) "..." is almost never appropriate except when taking extremely intentional creative liberties. Your usage at the end of a few paragraphs seems sloppy. 4) Although the diary/journal structure is acceptable, I would strongly suggest evaluating how effective it is. 5) Perhaps my biggest advice would be to go on craigslist and hire a professional editor to comb over your essay with you once you have it perfected. Have at least three people you know and trust CRITICALLY read it, revise, edit, and once it is absolutely perfect in your eyes I THEN I would hire an editor. I bet $70 would get cover it! just my $.02. Good luck to you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA2016! Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 Thanks guys. This is actually my first edit with the bullet point. I was suggest by some other people to try it so I could get in more points and to be honest, i dont know if I am in love with it. I was however in love with an older version of my essay that got edited into this version. Others however also said that it did not flow either. Thanks for the advise. I greatly appreciate it. It is defiantly stuff I need to hear as all I hear from people I give it to is that it is really good. So for that I THANK YOU!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKR007 Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 I would maybe reconsider talking about not getting into college after high school. It paints you in a negative picture academically, even though it was high school. Combined with the first paragraph, your audience has about 90 seconds of reading about how bad you did in high school and how 'not useful' you were less than a year ago. As HM2PA said, try to lessen the focus on the negatives, especially at the beginning. Maybe start with your ending paragraph, and then go in to your past after pointing out how great you are now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA2016! Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I took everybody advise and did some serious editing. Aside from grammar, which I am getting taken care of my some of my fellow english colleagues, what do you guys think now?? “Unit two-zero-five to control.” “Control, go ahead.” “I am going to need an ALS unit started my way emergency traffic, I have a 59 year old female complaining of blindness and seeing stars out of the right eye. Patient’s blood pressure is 195 over 98, with a heart rate of 112, breathing 19 times a minute. Patient is presenting is dysphasia and severe hemiparesis of the right side.” “10-4, two-zero-five, I do not have a unit available, transport the patient emergency traffic ASAP.” “10-4 control.” Four years ago I never imagined I would experience anything such as the scenario described above. Reflecting back upon my past I realize that everything happens for a reason. Though unclear at the time, it was my past that molded me into the person and student I am today, which ultimately has prepared me for the work I will conduct as a physician assistant student and practicing physician assistant. Following high school I opted to live at home and attend a local community college. Oblivious and discouraged in the moment, this decision shaped me into the scholarly person I have become. Facing rejection from college the year prior, I began approaching my schoolwork with a determination I never knew possible. I questioned everything and dedicated myself to my studies. I learned that anything is attainable with self-discipline, hard work, and devotion. This attitude has set the stage for my success as a physician assistant student. While attending UNCC I began feeling a lot of pressure my sophomore year to decide on an occupation. From the ages of 16 to 20 I worked for my family’s company, spending countless weekends on the road being gone for weeks at a time, and working approximately 40 hours a week while in school. I thought my path invariably led to working with their business for the rest of my life and I found this to be an extremely unappealing prospect. This caused me to reconsider my career path. Looking back I am now grateful for this experience as being a full time student with a full time job taught me “balance.” It has undoubtedly prepared me for the demanding schedule I will receive in PA school. In addition to balance, my history has elicited the development of other characteristics that have further prepared me for the physician assistant profession. Throughout my education path I have become very skeptical and constantly ask myself “why?” in search of a deeper understanding of material I study. I have found that knowing the facts in texts is one thing, but understanding the cause and effects, and being able to manipulate variables to achieve a desired result is another of my experiences that has predisposed me for success as a practicing physician assistant. While working in EMS, I have witnessed some of the hardships that people endure throughout their lives such as the stroke patient described above. What I have come to enjoy most about working in healthcare is the ability to comfort and treat my patients. I have found that providing this to patients often requires a team effort. The scenario described was a team effort as me and my partner worked together to keep our patient calm in her moment of distress. During my time shadowing PAs I have observed the collaborative method of care that PAs and MDs utilize to diagnose, treat, and care for their patients. The application of a team effort is something that draws me to the physician assistant career. My work experience has taught me the communication and listening skills necessary to understand and convey information with patients; along with cooperation and problem-solving abilities my partner and I utilize daily to treat our patients, all of which are necessary characteristics that have further prepared me for the PA profession. Reflecting back, it has become evident that everything happened for a reason. My experiences have taught me balance and given me a work ethic that I will carry forward into my graduate studies as a PA student. If you want something, go for it. If you are unsure, ask questions. When you do something, be confident in it. I desire to work in a field that betters the lives of others, yet is ever-changing, pushes me to learn, and keeps me asking, “why?” Also, skepticism has prepared me for the array of pathologies I will diagnose and treat as a physician assistant. In addition, my work experience has further prepared me for the team-based method of care that I will employ as a physician assistant. I know the PA profession is the direction I am headed. I understand that the road to becoming a physician assistant is not easy; in fact, several PAs have told me that it will be the hardest thing I will ever do. I feel as though my past has prepared me for the challenging road to certification along with the demands required to be a successful clinician. I am ready to embrace the challenge and to prove that I have what it takes to be successful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrea.moe Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I think the revision is much better! I like it better than the original version with the seasonal breakdown. It has better flow and you have made some positive changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA2016! Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 Thank you! Glad to hear some positive feed back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.