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PANCATEST

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  1. I started school pretty recently and my mental illness has been rearing its ugly head worse than ever. In the past 2 weeks, I have had to call 911 while driving home and had to leave in the middle of class to go to the doctor for panic attacks. Guess I have developed panic disorder! The pace of education is too much, I am very far from home with no support system, the debt is insane and I am starting to wonder if this career is just going to be mental torture for the rest of my life. I am daydreaming of applying to a plant shop for minimum wage and just working there; pruning and spraying plants and looking at flowers all day rather than diseased, pissed off patients, shitty medical records systems, stressed coworkers and everything else that comes along with being a PA. I think if I keep having attacks like this I will be asked to leave anyway. The irony is I have been getting very good grades so far. I gave up EVERYTHING to be here. I quit my job (70K/year and very non-stressful), moved out of my apt, city, left all my family/friends/partner. And it just does not seem worth it. Sometimes I think coming here was the biggest mistake of my life. TLDR: I am leaning toward quitting- wondering if anyone else has faced similar issues, and either quit or stayed, and what they think it did to their life. Honestly I think admissions should warn applicants and also screen them before starting the program about the mental illness stats- the doctor I saw said he sees almost every PA student at some point for mental breakdowns even if they had no history. I have a long history of GAD and bipolar which was very under control before the program; but I was 1 second away from admitting myself to the pysch ward last night and would have NEVER come here if I knew it would trigger the worst manic/depressed episode of my life.
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