Any advice? I think it's well-written but cliche.

[bradford.clark]

“I got you man, hang tight! They’re just around the corner,” I lied. The moped lay several meters from the pair of us while a friend called 911. I had basic First-Aid knowledge so my first thought was to “stabilize the head” but The Red Cross training did not prepare me for this. The blood sank between my fingers, carrying bits of solid brain matter that stuck to the hair on the back of my hand. His body convulsed with random hand jerks and his crossed-eyes looked through mine. My face was solid. I knew I would be the last person this old man will ever see; I couldn’t show him the terror that I felt. As he drifted away in my hands the ambulance arrived. One got out and told me “It’s okay man, you did everything you could’ve done.” In my head I thought, “Did I?”

 

As a young adult midway through my college career, I felt the angst of not knowing my destiny commonly shared amongst my peers. Having someone die in my hands put my life into perspective as this was my first connection with a patient, and something told me it would not be my last.

 

PA shadowing in the Emergency Room opened a new door for me. As rapid as the physicians, my PA met patient after patient; suturing ripped stitches, directing nurses and attendees through an acute cardiac arrest, resetting ulnar fractures and making their own diagnoses, all at the hands of a PA.

 

When formulating a detailed plan with their doctor, the PA shows confidence in their ability to understand their patients to make sure the treatment plan is in their best interests. While speaking to the patients and their families the PA never spoke down to them, rather they talked slowly and provided their professional opinion with certainty.

 

Given the differential between the number of years one trains to become a doctor versus training as a PA, I was initially worried that fewer years of training might make me feel less confident in my decision-making. In other words, my concern was feeling I would not have enough medical knowledge.  And to some extent that may be true, but having spent a considerable amount of time working in an emergency room setting, I can now see that the PA is adaptable and collected in every case. One minute the PA was resetting an infant’s shoulder back into place with little time in between from incising a perianal cyst.

 

I began working as a Medical Scribe in the Emergency Room. Not only did working alongside a physician day and night broaden my medical knowledge, I was first-hand witness to the extent the physician depends on the PA. They may see different patients, sometimes the same ones, but there is trust instilled on the PA from the physician to work independently but through team practice.

 

Teaching and learning has always had a place in my heart. Experience as a summer camp Director and substitute teacher showed the parallels it has to being a PA. It’s their responsibility to teach their patients about healthy practice and treatment plans while speaking to the level of the patient. 

 

“We are a leader amongst leaders,” one PA told me. Throughout my education I could have been consumed by college’s temptations, but my mind was focused. I could have been a follower, but I was different. Empowered with compassion to help others the Army ROTC program taught me to solve problems, certifying as an EMT taught me to trust my skills, and shadowing PAs on weekends taught me teamwork and compassion. Striving to set myself apart from others required a lot of self-confidence, and as a PA I’m going to need it the next time somebody tells me, “It’s okay, you did everything you could’ve done.” I’ll be able to say, “I did.”

 

[nogitsune]

Personally, I don't think that this personal statement is cliche. Maybe a little. But it was interesting to read it and you showed just how passionate you are and what influenced you. I enjoyed the confidence in this personal statement. You weren't too cocky; it was a good kind of confidence that make you feel like you can conquer the world. And you also told about your experience. I don't know, this essay seems to be very smooth. Though I think it be good if you'd tell more about your experience like in this statement of purpose graduate school sample because you're talking a lot about what it is like being a PA and you don't tell that much about yourself.

[bradford.clark]

Personally, I don't think that this personal statement is cliche. Maybe a little. But it was interesting to read it and you showed just how passionate you are and what influenced you. I enjoyed the confidence in this personal statement. You weren't too cocky; it was a good kind of confidence that make you feel like you can conquer the world. And you also told about your experience. I don't know, this essay seems to be very smooth. Though I think it be good if you'd tell more about your experience like in this statement of purpose graduate school sample because you're talking a lot about what it is like being a PA and you don't tell that much about yourself.

Thank you for your input. I understand what you mean that I do not talk much about myself. I felt that the link you provided did exactly what most people say not to do which is to restate your resume, but I think you gave me advice I can work with!